Kanye Cheats on Pregnant Kim: Last July, Kim Kardashian cheered on Kanye West at his Atlantic City show, but she "would have felt far differently had she known what was going to happen that night at the show. Kanye would not only secretly meet a beautiful fan, but he'd end up sleeping with her twice — including once while Kim was pregnant." Kanye's "former lover, French Canadian model Leyla Ghobadi, 24, provided intimate details of their nearly yearlong affair." Ghobadi says "It's bad. It's really bad. It's just embarrassing. But if I were Kim and about to have a baby, I would want to know." Cool idea, then, coming out about it NOW, a year later. "It's the oldest move in the music-star playbook: Spy a sexy fan in the audience, then order security to bring her backstage. That's how Leyla says she met Kanye, at Ovation Hall." Leyla says, "I feel bad for Kim and for the fact that she has no idea what goes on behind her back." Even in the age of camera phones. "Raven-haired, with full lips, caramel skin and a toned body, Leyla's looks are more than a little reminiscent of a pre-pregnancy Kim." BUT YOUNGER!
Day 1 of this festival is usually the great unveiling. Day 2 begins the collective carping: Why on earth is this film up for the Palme d'Or and not this other one? The two major programs here — the main competition and the second-tier slate, Un Certain Regard — have very different outcomes. One puts you in the running for a handful of prizes, this year from the Steven Spielberg jury, no less. The other tends to make people scratch their heads about why the likes of Spielberg won't get to evaluate the films in it. The bafflement began in earnest today with the premiere of The Bling Ring, Sofia Coppola's teen caper movie in which a handful of affluent kids steal the stuff of famous Hollywood people.
I don't know that it was brave of Coppola to turn Nancy Jo Sales's Vanity Fair article into a movie, but I'm impressed by her unself-consciousness in repeatedly X-raying lives of privilege — be it the lives of artists, royalty, or losers. She's not the kid in college who dressed like a hobo while her family's name was etched into a building or two. She's proud of her Coppola-ness and legitimately curious about the side effects of prosperity — ennui, aspiration, perversion, delusion, decadence, mono- and megalomania. In another person's care, The Bling Ring could have been a total satire, and there are certainly satirical bits, like having Leslie Mann play the sort of dingbat mom who homeschools her kids with that life-improvement cult-fad The Secret. But Coppola is up to something smarter than a pure lampoon. She zeroes in on the universal insecurities that would turn lots of teenagers, of every class, into followers: the dream of being cool.
On Thursday, Michael Bay threw up a little one-liner on his blog: "TMNT: we are bringing Megan Fox back into the family!" And boom went the minds of a nation of devoted Bayologists. Michael Bay has pardoned Megan Fox for her sins? And he's casting her in his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie?!
A little background: Michael and Megan have a bit of history, all going back to that time she playfully, cheerfully — like, totally in a fun way! — compared him to a certain former Chancellor of Germany. The comments in question, made to Wonderland Magazine in 2009: "[Bay] wants to create this insane, infamous mad-man reputation. He wants to be like Hitler on his sets, and he is. So he's a nightmare to work for but when you get him away from set, and he's not in director mode, I kind of really enjoy his personality because he's so awkward, so hopelessly awkward. He has no social skills at all. And it's endearing to watch him." Actually not all that bad, when you read it in context — but I guess it was hard for Mikey to get around the words "HE WANTS TO BE LIKE HITLER," huh? Anyway, he fired her from the Transformers series for her transgressions, and admitted as much, then went right back to pummeling our brains in with senseless, endless Decepticon gore, leaving Megan to wander the barren desert that is "not working in Michael Bay films" forevermore.
Justin Bieber Cheated on Selena Gomez a Lot: "HIGH ON DRUGS, TEEN STAR JUSTIN BIEBER CHEATED ON SELENA GOMEZ WITH A SEXY STRANGER." Just before the holidays, Bieb had a "drug-fueled hookup with another girl." The drug was mostly weed, and the girl was voluptuous 22-year-old L.A. nursing student Mimi Jenson. They were introduced by Lil' Twist, and went to a weed store in Hollywood, a McDonald's, and then back to the hotel. There they "did a lot more than eat." I bet they got a hundred-piece McNuggets. They also "smoked pot and used a baby bottle to measure out the ingredients for sizzurp, the street cocktail made famous by Three 6 Mafia and Ke$ha." Mull that sentence, please.
Grading the Moms: Welcome to the newest low in celebrity gossip. Grading moms! Yes, that's right — Star decided to rate women's parenting with letter grades. No men included. This is so hateful and I am trying to think of a good way to make fun of it besides just screaming "C'MON" but I can't. C'MON!!!!!
A+: Sandra Bullock ("I do not want anyone to have the pleasure of changing poopy diapers but me!"), Jennifer Garner
A: Alyson Hannigan (hosts something called potty-dance parties)
A-: P!nk (sings for her daughter), Reese Witherspoon (wholesome)
B+: Heidi Klum, Katie Holmes (but ... Suri)
C+: Alicia Silverstone (feeds her kid chewed-up food from her mouth)
C-: Angelina Jolie (lets her kids eat junk food and have toy guns), Jada Pinkett Smith, Jennifer Lopez (leaves her twins with nannies), Madonna
D+: Christina Aguilera ("the Dirrty diva enjoys going out and drinking")
F: Amber Portwood ("chose a five-year jail stint over rehab")
Each week, marketers release new movie posters, many for films whose releases are still months away. But for those who know where to look, one-sheets can reveal studios' hopes and insecurities about their products. In this space, we will attempt to decode the hidden meanings of the week's new posters.
Justin and Jessica Biel: CAN SHE TRUST HIM? The formerly womanizing Justin "Trousersnake" is doing a 180 for love, having proposed to Jessica Biel. "Can one idyllic trip offset four years of heartbreak and drama?" The couple "split last spring in the wake of reported infidelities on his part." Biel's friends are skeptical that Justin will clean up his act. She gave him an ultimatum and he "came back to her with his hat in his hands." (Was it the hat he wore in the video for "Like I Love You"? That guy has a LOT of hats.) "She laid down the law: aisle or exit." After that, "it was understood that he was going to propose." She is not stupid about the stakes: "Everybody knows Justin has a wandering eye." But she ignored it "because she really wanted to stay with him." Timberlake, ever the charmer, told her "he wants to make this work too." Jessica won't put up with Justin's skeevy FutureSex/LoveCrap this time around. "There is no way Jessica will deal with his straying eye now that they're engaged. You are going to see some changes from Justin." Can we just hear some fucking MUSIC please, JT? Some people Justin may have banged or tried to bang, some while he was dating Jessica: Mila Kunis, Scarlett Johansson, Olivia Munn, Kate Hudson, Ciara, and Rihanna. "Then of course there are his layman conquests." Biel "struggles with his flirting, but loves him so much." Justin "seems to have all the power and is treating Jessica like a doormat. Often a week will go by without seeing him. He's calling all the shots. But she's taking what she can get — and the one thing she wants is to be his wife — at any cost." Timberlake "really loves Jessica, but he just can't stay monogamous." Ah c'mon, CAN'T or WON'T? "Basically his brain and his penis operate separately, and the brain proposed to her." So on their wedding night all she gets is brain?