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Mike Tyson

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MOLLY'S MAGAZINES

The Royal Bun Is Officially in the Royal Oven ... and Other Absurdities From This Week's Tabloids

By Molly Lambert at
Danny Martindale/WireImage

Us Weekly

Kate Middleton Is Pregnant: "Royal-watchers all around the globe had been on tenterhooks for months." THAT SOUNDS UNCOMFORTABLE. "At long last, Will and Kate are expecting a little prince or princess!" While they were hoping to keep the story under wraps until Kate was 12 weeks along, and release the news on Christmas Day, it came out early when Middleton was admitted to a hospital for morning sickness. Nevertheless, "William and Kate are elated." They started trying in September, "once their Malaria medication has run its course" after their "royal tour of Southeast Asia." The holy "VIP baby leapfrogs Harry to become third in line for the throne behind William and his father." A nursery "is in the early stages" as the couple continue with their move into Kensington Palace. Get ready to hear all about the future royal baby for months from weirdo superfans.

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LOOSE ENDS

About That Time Brad Pitt Nailed Mike Tyson's Wife and Was Somehow Not Murdered for It

By Mark Lisanti at

"I was getting a divorce. I was going to my lawyer's office to divorce her that day but I wanted to sneak in a quickie … This particular day, someone beat me to the punch … I guess Brad got there earlier than I did. I was mad as hell. You should've saw his face when he saw me." That's Mike Tyson telling Yahoo the story of the time he stumbled upon Brad Pitt making extramarital love to then-wife Robin Givens, the air thick with the delicious scents of forbidden lust, Chanel No.5, and impending homicide.

And yes, we all wish we could have seen Pitt's face in that moment, because most human beings never get a good look at a man who's confronting the very real possibility that his entrails are about to be scooped out by a fist the size of a backhoe shovel and dumped out a window.

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FROM THE MAILBAG

From the Mailbag: Bill Simmons on Whitney and Squandered Brilliance, circa 2009

By Bill Simmons at
Getty Images

The following originally ran on July 17, 2009, as part of a Friday mailbag.

Q: Thought of this after Michael Jackson's death: Which famous singer would have dominated American Idol the most had he/she started his/her career as a contestant on the show? I thought MJ around the "Off the Wall" era, but then realized he would not have been eligible because of his Jackson 5 fame. So who? Please don't tell me John Mayer, circa 2005.

-- Cliff, Portland, Ore.

SG: Come on, Cliff, 2005 Mayer would have rolled through that show every week, caused a national riot and had Paula whipping her ovaries at him. Anyone non-threatening with undeniable talent who can play guitar, play the piano or belt out tunes is going to succeed on Idol. Young Alicia Keys would have crushed Idol. Same for the dude from Maroon 5. Norah Jones would have done well. You get the idea. But there is one answer for your question and only one: Whitney Houston.

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GRADING THE TRADES

HBO to Give Mike Tyson His Own Entourage

Tyson/Lee
Johnny Nunez/Getty Images

HBO has given a pilot order to Da Brick, a drama about a young boxer growing up in Newark, New Jersey (a.k.a. “Brick City”). Loosely based on Mike Tyson’s life story, it’ll be co-produced by Tyson and Entourage’s Doug Ellin; John Ridley is writing the screenplay, and Spike Lee will direct the pilot. Doug Ellin describes the project as ‘‘Entourage meets The Wire," which might have just made some people very angry. Grade: B+ [Deadline]

James Franco has dropped out of his upcoming Broadway debut Sweet Bird of Youth, Tennessee Williams’s play about a gigolo who seduces an older actress to get his show biz break (Nicole Kidman remains in the cast). “From now on, it’s only projects with monkeys for me,” Franco did not add. Grade: D [EW]

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