Michael Rapaport and Bill Simmons discuss how Michael should have gotten violent on Justin Bieber during the celebrity game at NBA All-Star weekend.

If, like most of us, you spent your Sunday night watching Billy Crystal viciously mock Christopher Plummer, then you missed — well, technically you missed Pitbull's NBA All-Star game performance, which featured Chris Brown, Ne-Yo, and what has to be at least three/fourths of Orlando's lithe, smiley-female-dancer population. But really: You missed nothing. Over 13 minutes — 13 minutes!!! — Pitbull, dressed like John Cusack in Grosse Pointe Blank, mugged ferociously, callously switching out his precious lyrics in order to better pander to the collected NBA fandom. “Orlando make it crazy! NBA All-Star weekend! Everybody put your hands up!” No thank you, Pitbull. I think I would rather wander the concourse in search of a commemorative pretzel holder. Also: You “don't play baseball” but you “hit a home run”? Who is writing your lyrics? And how extensive is that person's whippet budget?

Kareem and Atari

Bill Simmons: I've always had a vague memory of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar appearing in an Atari commercial in the late-1970s — a mental image of him sadly slumped on a seat as a little kid played Atari next to him, only he was dressed in his Lakers uniform and goggles and the whole thing was stupefyingly weird. If not for YouTube, I would have just assumed that I imagined the whole thing. But that's the great thing about YouTube — you can use it to confirm hazy memories, and almost always, they don't match up to what you remembered. In this case, the actual commercial was about 24 percent stranger than I remembered. A few months earlier, Kareem broke his hand punching Kent Benson in the face — apparently this commercial was part of his suspension. Now I'm wondering if my dislike for Kareem (he was my least favorite player even when I was little) drove me away from Atari and toward Intellivision. I mean, something caused me to become an Intellivision kid, right? I have it narrowed down to either Kareem or Carol Channing.