As the great philosopher Connor MacLeod taught us, "There can be only one."

And so, endless promotional clips teasing us with the "most shocking/disturbing/shame-erection-inducing Bachelor Pad finale in history!" aside (note: Bachelor Pad debuted in 2010), our contestants were always fighting against the irrefutable math of the situation, and we should not be so surprised that our newest Padlander, Smiley Nick the Harmless Nonfactor, finished the season holding aloft the head of the vanquished before an arena of supporters squealing their bloodthirsty approval.