Galactic feat. Mystikal and Mannie Fresh, “Move Fast”

Actual lyrics from this (totally great) song: “Go Mystikal, go Mystikal, go! / Hold up / Look, I’m 40 baby, go slow / My back sore, I can’t party like that no mo’ / Get off the floor my knees won’t let me get that low.” I’m standing and applauding, Mystikal. Standing and applauding.

Last week I was in L.A. for a few days, which means I was doing two things that I normally don't: I was driving a car, and I was constantly listening to pop radio while driving that car. And it's only when you experience the perilous, delicate roller coaster that is "constantly listening to pop radio" that you begin to understand why people can get so worked up about the strict rules of the singles churned out by the Faceless Hit-Making Machine rather than enjoying their warm comforts.

1. Fun. ft. Janelle Monae, "We Are Young"

Hey, it's that song! I know this song!
Grade: C
Best YouTube Comment: "I don't always listen to soft Music but when I do it I listen to this" —metal103

1. Skrillex, "Bangarang (ft. Sirah)"

Way to concisely explain the appeal of Skrillex, YouTube user "haddip." Bangarang indeed.
Grade: A-
Best YouTube Comment: "is dubstep a dance" - jong lee

I can’t imagine ever choosing to listen to "Roman Holiday” again. The fact that it kicks off Nicki Minaj’s alarmingly off-kilter sophomore album is a terrible omen. Much in the way Lil Wayne’s Tha Carter IV became nearly immediately uninteresting, save for a minuscule selection of gems and a few shimmering cameos (Rick Ross, Drake, Nas, Andre 3000, Andre 3000), Roman Reloaded is an album that demands you hunt for things to enjoy. With a little song-skipping magic, track three reveals itself to be an early gateway to a mild validation of the record: Actual, exciting, interesting — or at least fun — rapping, via generous guest verses. (And then track seven, “Champion,” is a hip-hop goldmine.)

Perhaps hyperaware they’re being featured on an album by a rapstress best known for transcendental guest turns on everyone else’s stuff, several of hip-hop’s leading gentlemen (yes, all males — Azealia Banks isn’t getting her invitation just yet) bring their A-game, or at least their B+. These feature verses — barring the phoned-in nonsense Lil Wayne has brazenly stuck to the last seven-plus months — lend the failed hip-hop event album some street legs to stretch a moment before they wither and crumble while "Starships" and "Pound the Alarm" get played forever and ever in all the clubs and airport bookstores and Walmarts and 99 cent stores and little sisters’ bedrooms in between Katy Perry anthems and hit singles by American Idol rejects.

Nicki Minaj is in a bad position. She wants so badly to satisfy people and be all things to everyone; pop and rap, mainstream and underground, soft and hard, radio-friendly and NSFW. She wants to have street cred and still sign huge deals with Pepsi. She exists simultaneously as a female rapper surrounded by males and a pop star alongside Katy Perry and Rihanna in the sisterhood of the sparkling hot pants. Minaj's own oeuvre divides her fans into camps, and on Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded she tries to please them all. "Starships" is for the Nicki fans who liked "Super Bass" but don't want "Stupid Hoe." "Stupid Hoe" was for fans of "Massive Attack" and her rawer, older mixtapes. As a result, she comes off sounding like neither Nicki the Barbie nor Nicki the Boss but Nicki the Overstretched. Like Garth Brooks, Eminem, and Beyoncé before her, she turned her split public persona into part of her gimmick, but you can feel her searching for where her actual self lies. Album lowlight "Marilyn Monroe" addresses the struggle of being a privately unsatisfied public sex symbol in the most hackneyed way possible, and feels written for somebody else.

Frank Ocean, “Whip Appeal”

Maybe it’s because everyone in the music industry has spent their post-SXSW week intermittently napping, or maybe it’s because everyone in the music industry decided to hide all the cool shit from me — but this felt like a real down week for new music. Thank the heavens for Frank Ocean, then, who, to date, still doesn’t know how to take a track off. This one was supposedly slated for the official Nostalgia re-release, which is now not happening. Ah, why nawwwwt, Frank? “Hahaha. What I look like a year later re-releasing my last album? Not icey. Bitch I’m icey.” Also: “ONLY SAYING THAT FOR MY JOURNALIST/BLOGGER FRIENDS. i know my icey-ness is obvious.” Noted.

This week, the Dance/Club play chart, which we last tackled in January, is back with ten brand new hits.

1. Rihanna, "You Da One"

A few years ago, I sat in a living room, surrounded by some of my closest friends, and made a now-infamous statement among my inner circle. I stated that Jessica Alba was "attainable" and meant it with every fiber of my being. It goes without saying that I was immediately laughed out of the conversation, the living room, the apartment, the building, and midtown Manhattan, but I have stood by my belief since that evening in the fall of 2009.

Since then, I've found that it's a lonely world out there for laypeople who have strong opinions on the attainability of celebrities. Luckily for me, and potentially only me, I stumbled on Chelsea Fagan, who is my delusional female doppelganger and shares in my polarizing beliefs.

In the first installment of our "Celebrity Attainability Exercise in Futility," we tackle the Grammys and ten of last night's nominees and winners.

Madonna featuring M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj, “Give Me All Your Luvin’”

This song sounds like Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend,” which on its own isn’t the worst thing ever, but it pointedly contains the lyrics, “Every record sounds the same / You’ve got to step into my world.” Also: Madonna made M.I.A. and Nicki awkwardly shake pom poms around just in case anyone forgot for a second that she was playing the Super Bowl halftime show this Sunday, and then only gave them four worthless, tacked-on bars each? On the plus side: Doesn’t she look amazing, folks?!

Well, this is a surprise: M.I.A. – the most recent victim of the Lana Del Rey Backlash-Anti-Backlash-Anti-Anti-Backlash-Whiplash Commemorative Circuit – will be performing at this Sunday’s Super Bowl halftime show. As she told Zane Lowe on BBC radio last night, “Yes, I'm going to the Super Bowl… I'm gonna be performing with Madonna and Nicki Minaj... If you're gonna go to the Super Bowl, you might as well go with America's biggest female icons.” The occasion will be a performance of Madonna’s new single “Give Me All Your Luvin,” which features both M.I.A. and Nicki. A demo version of the track has leaked; the official version, plus a possibly Minaj-Madonna-smooch-featuring music video, drops on Friday. Appropriately, that’s the same day that M.I.A.’s new video, for the semi-new single “Bad Girls,” will be released. So: M.I.A.’s back?

Our “Postracial All Stars” are politicians, personalities, artists, athletes, etc. who are best at helping us deal with where we are on race relations today. They keep it real, when others can’t. A Barack, a Jon Stewart/Daily Show, a Chris Rock, a South Park, a Lorne Michaels, a Modern Family, a Louis CK (mentioned below), as past and current examples, don’t ignore the “race” elephant in the room. Nor are they cornered by it. They show us old racial profiles in new contexts (i.e. rappers using the n-word, who are young white females). Or a new wrinkle in the current conversation (NBA millionaires premised as "plantation workers"). They are actively engaging, often embracing the nuanced scenarios of today. And making it fun for us to keep tabs along with them.

See, now you get it! This week in order to kick off 2012 proper we’re honoring some of the new blood: herewith, a lineup of Postracial All Stars from 2011.

Young Jeezy feat. Fabolous and Jadakiss, “O.J.”

Pretty great few days for Jeezy. Not only did he drop a new banger that made me gasp like a stereotypical old Southern lady the first time I heard its chorus, he also got college basketball love from Jay Bilas. This actually came out of Bilas’s mouth during a game this week: “And as the urban philosopher Young Jeezy says, ‘You better call your crew. You’re going to need help’ … against Missouri."