I'm sorry. There's no way any of us could have predicted this.
Blessed with two parents, you've been lucky. One is the president of the United States. And the other is a woman who, when placed alongside said president, occasionally renders him invisible.
You've been lucky so far.
At some point during his first term, it became very clear your father was not as cool as we all thought. Behind a lectern, yes, he is the G.O.A.T. But give him the freedom to throw on some mom jeans or listen to a Casio keyboard "hip-hop" beat and the illusion rapidly wanes.
Those of you who follow me on Twitter I'm sure have noticed my sick love of poking fun at celebrities. I am frequently asked why I pick on two celebrities in particular, Chris Brown and Kim Kardashian. More often than not, people ask me why I hate them so much. I felt this would be a great opportunity for me to clear the air. I don't hate anyone. However, I do take issue with certain situations these two have gotten themselves into. Now, I fully understand that we are all human and we all make mistakes. I am definitely no different. If I were being watched 24/7, I'm sure I'd come across like a silly chick who curses too much and I'd end up addicted to antidepressants. The great thing is, I'm not famous. I'm a comedy writer and I produce a newscast. Everything I do is behind-the-scenes and I prefer to keep it that way. While comedy writing falls into the "entertainment" category, I don't consider myself an entertainer. Now, if I went and did something really off-the-wall, people could totally find out about it. The thing is, I have something called morals. I would NEVER physically abuse someone and I would NEVER film and distribute my own pornography tape featuring myself. Call me old-fashioned, but that's just me. With that said, I'd like to break down for you my reasons for making so much fun of Kim and Chris.