Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel: "You could safely call him a groomzilla." Having gotten over his "inability to commit," Timberlake threw himself into planning the $6.5 million ceremony, renting an Italian resort for the wedding and flying guests in on chartered jets. "Justin planned a series of mini-celebrations leading up to the evening ceremony. Guests were treated to a seafood feast followed by a fireworks display on the beach the day they arrived." He chose Biel's "6-carat princess-cut engagement ring without consulting her" and "picked out Jess's gown from sketches. She trusts him." Well, that's her first mistake.
From: Rembert Browne Subject: Oprah Has Spoken. Date: October 8, 2012 1:54:27 PM EDT To: Oprah Winfrey Cc: Grantland, Rembert Browne Bcc: <HashtagTeamBreezy@aol.com>, <HashtagRihannaNavy@aol.com>, Mom
It's over. I never thought I'd be sending this e-mail, but the time has come to retire one of my favorite pastimes: missionary work of convincing anyone within earshot that Chris Brown and Rihanna as a couple is a bad thing, both for them and for America. No one saw this day coming, but then again, there's no way to predict that you, Oprah, would have gotten involved.
Taylor Swift's Fatal Attraction: Her relationship with rising high school junior Conor Kennedy continues at warp speed. "Swift is certainly taking her one-and-a-half-month romance rather, well, swiftly. Since meeting the 18-year-old Kennedy in July, the six-time Grammy winner, 22, has rearranged her schedule to spend as much time with him as possible." Although the rumor that she bought a house across the street from the Kennedy compound has been debunked, she is still giving off some serious Stage 5 Clinger vibes. "Swift loves that her new guy (son of Robert Kennedy Jr. and the late Mary) gives her entrée to the storied political family. She says it's a fantasy come true. She's very smitten." Isn't she always, though? "Pals are concerned she's repeating a troubling relationship pattern," citing the insanely fast pace of her monthlong fling with Jake Gyllenhaal, which ended when he dumped her unceremoniously. "She's always rushing into love. We all wonder why she can't take it slow." Because she thinks fairy-tale, love-at-first-sight romances are real, and always decides that whomever she is dating at the moment is The One (regardless of what the dude might think). "For years, Swift has harbored a not-so-secret infatuation with Conor's iconic family. One insider says Conor's cousin Ted Kennedy Jr. even calls the crooner a Kennedy groupie!" Well maybe Conor Kennedy is a Taylor Swift groupie! And they're not groupies, they're Band-Aids! She started collecting Kennedy memorabilia last year, after reading The Kennedy Women. She met Rory Kennedy at a screening of a doc about Ethel Kennedy, and was invited to spend her Fourth of July at the compound in Hyannis Port. She and Conor Kennedy have been inseparable ever since, although that may change in the fall when he goes back to, uh, high school.
1. Narcissism: inserting themselves into commentary on news/current events (bloggers as rappers)
2. Indulging in an impenetrable stream-of-consciousness style (Portrait of the Artist as a Young Rapper)
3. Substituting visceral, intuitive feeling for intellectual rigor (singer-songwriters as rappers)
4. Being politically or socially conscious in a preachy way (liberal do-gooders, Keith Olbermann as a rapper)
5. Being hung up on material goods (all Americans as rappers)
With those characteristics in mind, here are some writers who predated the hip-hop generation but might have found themselves comfortable in that culture:
