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MOLLY'S MAGAZINES

The Sacred Union of Kim and Kanye ... and Other Absurdities From This Week's Tabloids

By Molly Lambert at
George Pimentel/Getty Images

Us

Kim K and Kanye: The couple went to Cannes together and "caught up, wandering the streets until 7 A.M., cherishing quiet time before the inevitable flashbulb frenzy at that evening premiere of West's short film, Cruel Summer." Fighting the rumors that their relationship is just a publicity stunt, friends say they "are the real deal." Kanye is "playing for keeps. He waited for Kim. He knows they're meant to be." She comforted his anxiety over the response to his film, while "he kept brushing her cheek and kissing her." While Kanye has gotten Kim to dress "more chic, with his advice," Kim's effect is that she's "making him gentler. He isn't so intense now." Why hate? They're perfect for each other.

Sean Penn: "I am constantly embarrassed by my own personality."

Kelly Ripa: "Going to Fiji is not marriage. Going to Costco is marriage."

James Franco's Commencement Speech: "Spread your eggs. Don't like eggs? Too bad."

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MOLLY'S MAGAZINES

Lindsay Lohan's Secret Diary, and Other Horror Stories From This Week's Tabloids

Lindsay Lohan
AP Photo/David McNew

Oh hiiiiiii! It's your weekly frenemy, the tabloids, back to humblebrag about how hard it is to have the perfect husband, children, and job. You've been looking kind of tired lately! Maybe you ought to take it easy on the cocktails during holiday parties this month, especially since you're trying to meet someone. Oh, you're seeing somebody? Huh, that guy. Yeah I don't know about that. Anyway, I'm sooooo busy making tiny coral wreaths for my daughter Gingerbeer's fish-tank nativity and poaching a brie-stuffed boar sous-vide for dinner. I better go. Luv yaaaaaaa!

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