Every week, television documentaries present us with so many unusual people, so many strange and/or disturbing problems, you might find it hard to keep up with all of them. That's where I come in! Here's an unflinching look back at TV's Week in Freak Shows.

Virgin Diaries (TLC)

Who Is This Now? Skippy.
Why Are We Watching Him? He's a 34-year-old virgin on the prowl.
How Did He Get Here? The issue is partly that he's Mormon, so he hasn't had sex for religious reasons. The bigger issue is that he is extremely awkward and creepy around women. How awkward and creepy? Well, he brings his mother to a dance with him; makes her wear a T-shirt that reads "WING-MOM"; dances with girls she picks out for him; tells the girls his mother picked them out; and says things to them like, "If you're wondering if I'll go on a date with you, my answer's 'yes.'" He also gets so sweaty from even minor exertion that he brings a blow-dryer with him to the dance and uses it on his body in full view of anyone who might be crossing through the lobby. It's rough, guys. Rough.

Every week, television documentaries present us with so many unusual people, with so many strange and/or disturbing problems, you might find it hard to keep up with all of them. That's where I come in! Here's an unflinching look back at TV's Week in Freak Shows.

Pregnant in Heels (Bravo)

Who Is This Now? Emily.
Why Are We Watching Her? Pregnant with her first child, she is so terrified of labor that she has remained purposefully ignorant about what she should expect of the process of childbirth.
How Did She Get Here? As a preteen, she watched an extremely explicit childbirth movie in school that traumatized her for life.
What's the Grossest Thing We See? Before maternity concierge Rosie Pope can even address the issue of Emily's labor phobia, a consultation in Emily's home goes awry when Emily's yappy little dog Mikey goes nuts and attacks a demo baby doll out of Pope's bag, dragging it around the room by its head. Not only do Emily and her husband Dustin fail to register any alarm about this incident as evidence of how they should expect their (poorly trained) dog to respond to their imminent baby, but Emily flatly refuses to prioritize said baby's safety over the dog.
What Have We Learned? If you spoil your dumb dog as though it were a baby, then having an actual baby may be unnecessary. (And inadvisable.) ALSO: When you're learning what an episiotomy is (in your ninth month of pregnancy), simply stating aloud, "I don't want to tear, I don't want to rip" will not prevent those things from happening to you, unless maybe you phrase the declaration as a spell — and then, only if you are a witch.

Every week, television documentaries present us with so many unusual people, with so many strange and/or disturbing problems, you might find it hard to keep up with all of them. That's where I come in! Here's an unflinching look back at TV's Week in Freak Shows.

Pregnant in Heels (Bravo)

Who Is This Now? Aimee and Seth.
Why Are We Watching Them? They've asked maternity concierge Rosie Pope to help them to make sure the baby they're about to have (their first) is "flexible."
How Did They Get Here? I guess they decided to have a baby first, and then thought through the changes said baby's existence would necessarily cause in their carefree yuppie lives afterward. And the solution they came up with is that the baby could learn to be chill!
What's the Grossest Thing We See? Pope enlists the robot baby to give Seth and Aimee a taste of what it might be like to take their flexible future baby on a visit to a vineyard, where Seth reveals the kind of father he's going to be: the kind who fobs all child care onto his wife. "Aimee, pleeeeeeeeease, you gotta make that stop," he whines in the car on the way to the winery. "Let it cry," he orders when the robot starts screeching on the tour. "Why don't you wheel it out into the hall," he demands, through gritted teeth, when it needs a diaper change just as the wine tasting has begun. I know it's only a robot, but still.
What Have We Learned? Aimee's going to have a pretty crappy time as a single parent.

Every week, television documentaries present us with so many unusual people, with so many strange and/or disturbing problems, you might find it hard to keep up with all of them. That's where I come in! Here's an unflinching look back at TV's Week in Freak Shows.

Pregnant In Heels (Bravo)

Who Is This Now? Donna.
Why Are We Watching Her? She's expecting her first baby, and though she knows she needs to hire a baby nurse so that she can go back to work right away, she is totally paranoid about home security.
How Did She Get Here? I don't want to make unfair generalizations. But she lives in L.A.
What's the Grossest Thing We See? It's bad enough that maternity concierge Rosie Pope designs what amounts to a sting operation for prospective nanny candidates, putting temptations like cash, pay stubs, and chocolate in the nursery while Rosie and Donna monitor each applicant on video (by this point in the episode, Donna has installed dozens of security cameras all over the house). Making matters worse is Donna's assertion that her biggest fear regarding the hire of a nanny is that she will steal from her. The baby's safety is ... up to the baby, I guess. The final grossest thing: Donna and her husband Jason — who, as I mentioned, live in Los Angeles — name their baby girl Brooklyn.
What Have We Learned? Whatever Donna pays Meg, the nanny she eventually hires, it surely isn't enough.

Every week, television documentaries present us with so many unusual people, with so many strange and/or disturbing problems, you might find it hard to keep up with all of them. That's where I come in! Here's an unflinching look back at TV's Week in Freak Shows.

Pregnant in Heels (Bravo)

Who Is This Now? Patrice and Thomas.
Why Are We Watching Them? Patrice, who is expecting their first baby, has contacted maternity concierge Rosie Pope to deal with her and Thomas's separate issues.
How Did They Get Here? Patrice, a former fashion writer, is opposed to maternity clothing, despite the fact that she's in her third trimester and none of her pre-pregnancy clothes fit. Meanwhile, Thomas has developed a sympathetic pregnancy, and is experiencing more pregnancy symptoms (weight gain, tender breasts, constipation) than his wife is.
What's the Grossest Thing We See? When Patrice tries on clothes that actually fit her and complains that they all make her look fat, one fears for the daughter she's about to have, and to whom she may pass on her hatred of her body and its completely natural changes. (The episode also features an unrelated cold open in which Pope and two of her employees investigate pubic wigs for women, a.k.a. merkins, the contemporary commercial availability of which I was happier not knowing about.)
What Have We Learned? If your husband is competing with your pregnancy for attention, you might have married the wrong man.

Every week, television documentaries present us with so many unusual people, with so many strange and/or disturbing problems, you might find it hard to keep up with all of them. That's where I come in! Here's an unflinching look back at TV's Week in Freak Shows.

Pregnant in Heels (Bravo)

Who Is This Now? Curtis and Jennifer.
Why Are We Watching Them? They've sought the aid of maternity concierge Rosie Pope in planning their upcoming baby shower, though once she meets them, she quickly sees that they could use her help in quelling their constant bickering.
How Did They Get Here? I mean, there's never just one cause when a couple clashes, except in this case, because Jennifer is a bossy, high-maintenance nightmare.
What's the Grossest Thing We See? I can't decide which is the grossest, so you can choose among the following: Jennifer gloating that she and Curtis live in "the most expensive ZIP code in the continental U.S." (too bad it's in New Jersey, honey); Curtis responding to the news that he and Jennifer won't be able to have sex for six weeks after her scheduled C-section by saying, "Her ass is gonna be sore, but that's pretty much it"; Teresa Giudice among the guests at the baby shower; the reveal that Curtis and Jennifer have named their daughter "Reign."
What Have We Learned? People who are friends with Teresa Giudice are as awful as she is.

Every week, television documentaries present us with so many unusual people, with so many strange and/or disturbing problems, you might find it hard to keep up with all of them. That's where I come in! Here's an unflinching look back at TV's Week in Freak Shows.

Pregnant in Heels (Bravo)

Who Is This Now? Chris and Nia.
Why Are We Watching Them? They are at odds over whether to vaccinate their as-yet-unborn daughter: Chris wants to; Nia doesn't.
How Did They Get Here? I'll let Nia describe her core values: "Being green, non-toxic, environmentally conscious is very 'en vogue,' it's so 'très chic,' so hey, it's the way to go." So at least we know she's really given it some very serious thought. "I am being preventative by doing things naturally," she says in another scene. And, in her first consultation with maternity concierge Rosie Pope: "Polio is so … old." I'm going to go ahead and assume that when Nia was in high school, she didn't excel in science.

Every week, television documentaries present us with so many unusual people, with so many strange and/or disturbing problems, you might find it hard to keep up with all of them. That's where I come in! Here's an unflinching look back at TV's Week in Freak Shows.

Pregnant in Heels (Bravo)

Who Is This Now? Paula and Jay.

Why Are We Watching Them? Though the birth of their first child is imminent, they know nothing about babies, and are taking baby lessons from maternity concierge Rosie Pope.

Every week, television documentaries present us with so many unusual people, with so many strange and/or disturbing problems, you might find it hard to keep up with all of them. That's where I come in! Here's an unflinching look back at TV's Week in Freak Shows.

Pregnant in Heels (Bravo)

Who Is This Now? Jessica and Carlo.

Why Are We Watching Them? They're about to have their third child, but their first-born, Leah, is so unprepared that they've sought the assistance of Maternity Concierge Rosie Pope.

Every week, television documentaries present us with so many unusual people, with so many strange and/or disturbing problems, you might find it hard to keep up with all of them. That's where I come in! Here's an unflinching look back at TV's Week in Freak Shows.

Pregnant in Heels (Bravo)

Who Is This Now? Fritz and Christina.

Why Are We Watching Them? They're first-time parents-to-be who've sought the assistance of maternity concierge Rosie Pope in mediating their clashes over such issues as whether Christina should deliver via home birth.