By Molly Lambert at
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John Travolta's Secret Life Surprises Kelly Preston: "Kelly was suddenly besieged by the reports of John's secret sex life." After their 11-year-old daughter asked what was up, Kelly "fell to the floor in a flood of tears. Suddenly, Kelly feels like she's been living a lie for two decades, and it's like a knife to the heart." The rumors about Travolta "have swarmed around Hollywood since at least 1990, when Paul Barresi, a gay porn star, publicly claimed that he and John were having sex." As a complete coincidence, Travolta married Preston in 1991 in "a quickie Scientology wedding ceremony." They signed a contract whose "exact contents are unknown" and "such agreements can contain almost anything — including prohibiting a spouse from speaking publicly about scandals." Jeff Conaway, who co-starred as Kenickie in Grease alongside Travolta, claims "that John once tried to perform oral sex on him while he slept." Conaway also says "that Kelly knows that John is gay" and agreed to beard for him, because she "wanted the lifestyle that comes with a marriage to a Hollywood celebrity more than love."
It’s upfronts season in New York City, when all the networks are spinning their new fall shows as fast as they can. To celebrate, Chris Ryan and I took a first pass at a bunch of them (1:10), separating the maybe-winners (Fox’s The Mindy Project, NBC’s Revolution) from the kinda-losers (NBC’s Next Caller, Fox’s on-the-nose-like-bifocals-titled The Mob Doctor). We also touched on NBC’s returning Thursday-night lineup and what to expect when you’re expecting The Office to be bad and Community to be buried on Friday nights. Some conversation about our Sunday-night anchors, Mad Men (15:40) and Game of Thrones (22:10), helped ease the pain. Then it was off to the multiplexes, where Chris gushed with excitement over Battleship (27:30) while I rolled my eyes at The Amazing Spider-Man (32:45). We finished up by defending the honor of rapper Freeway (37:50), our fellow Philadelphian, and unveiling the latest entry into our Double Down Summer Reading Club (43:45), Alan Furst, whose stylish, atmospheric World War II thrillers (including The Polish Officer and The World at Night) should be more than enough to erase any painful memories of wisecracking Naval petty officer Rihanna. Boom, indeed.
"I reject Chris Brown's comeback! Lemon out." — Liz Lemon, last night's 30 Rock
I also reject Chris Brown's comeback! Lambert in! What does it take for Rihanna to unfollow and block Chris Brown on Twitter? How about a freestyle over Kanye's "Theraflu" from the ex-boyfriend she's still in love with, even though he beat her to a pulp, that implicates she's worthless because she screws a lot of guys? Chris Brown's new lyrics go, "Don't fuck with my old bitch like it's a bad fur / Every industry n***a done had her / Shook the tree like a pumpkin just to smash her / Bitch is breaking codes, but I'm the password." Brown has already denied that the verse was about Rihanna, taking to his Twitter and saying "Assumptions! I didn't say any names so if u took offense to it then its something you feel guilty about." Another vague non-apology from a guy with a well-documented history of non-apologizing. Rihanna had wished Chris "happy birthday" just four days ago. He turned 23, which means he should grow up by the time he is 90. She has now blocked him.
By Molly Lambert at
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Rihanna's Fast Track to Disaster: "Rihanna loves to party, but this past month she's gotten really out of control. She's been drinking almost every day and talking about smoking weed a lot too." On Twitter, "she often tweets about '420,' a popular term for smoking marijuana," and "makes no effort to hide her nonstop alcohol consumption." She stopped off at "Club Perfection in Queens" at 2 a.m. on May 2, to "dance with and throw money at the strippers" at the "grimy strip club." She shrugs off similarities to Whitney Houston, but crazy nights have "become the norm" for the 24-year-old. "She's actually a very lonely girl," says a friend. "She gets fed up with sitting in her hotel room, so she goes out drinking." She was hoping to get back together with Chris Brown, but Brown "returned to his girlfriend Karrueche Tran and even got a tattoo of her face inked on his arm to prove his love and loyalty. When Chris got the tattoo, Rihanna freaked out. She's been obsessed with the thought that he's going to marry Karrueche and she'll never be able to get back with him. She's heartbroken and in a bad place. She's been numbing the pain with alcohol." She likes to test boundaries. "When people tell her she's a role model, she goes crazy. She doesn't want to hear it. If anything, she rebels and goes out and does something even more shocking than the time before." When she "posted a picture of a substance that appeared to resemble cocaine" her managers got mad, but "she responded by claiming to be in a lesbian relationship with her friend Melissa Forde." Riri "loves being a bad girl and shocking people. She says she's having fun, but it's clear she's acting out because she's in a lot of emotional pain."
Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis: "Friends with benefits?" Kelso and Jackie "took a mini-vacation together" to Carpinteria. They stopped at a roadside stand where "Mila bought sunflowers and blueberries," then had sushi for lunch. "They hadn't seen each other for years" but got back in touch during a That 70's Show reunion segment for Fox's 25th anniversary special. "He's so not her type." And as for Ashton's famous wandering eye? "Mila wouldn't stand for that kind of stuff. She's a strong, smart girl."
Brad and Angelina Are Engaged: "Pitt skipped the tradition of getting down on one knee and merely presented the ring as a token of his unwavering love." Jolie debuted "the tablet-shaped diamond" a few days later at a "private viewing of Chinese antiquities" at LACMA. Jolie's dad, Jon Voight, says he is "very happy for them!" The pressure came courtesy of the kids. "Maddox wanted them to have a wedding. He was the most vocal in pushing for it." Brad was also vocal. "Brad pleaded and said that everything else in the kids' lives in not normal. They travel constantly, they are always in different houses and different schools. They needed to give the kids one thing in their life that is normal, and they are asking for this. He said they should do it for them." This was hardly Pitt's first attempt to propose. "He asked her to marry him when she was pregnant with Shiloh. And she said no." BURN. Angie knew Brad would stick around anyway. "I don't think she has ever worried about her ability to keep a man, but what she has with Brad is very strong. They can still be hot and heavy. There is a great attraction. And Pitt has what it takes intellectually and emotionally to keep Jolie interested for the long haul. Angie is deep and thoughtful and undeniably sure of herself. I don't think any man but Brad could really make it work." While their ceremonies to previous spouses involved theatrics like "a gospel choir and fireworks show" (Pitt/Aniston) and "a wardrobe of black rubber pants and a white shirt with his name written in her blood" (Jolie/Miller), this will be a much more low-key event at their French estate. "Angie's even learning how to cook!" Maybe she'll cook coq au vin with Brad's blood!
Michelle Williams and Jason Segel: Four years after the death of her ex Heath Ledger, "If anyone deserves a little chivalry and happiness, it's Williams," who is "finally moving on with Segel, 32. After years of platonic friendship, the two have turned up the heat, meeting for several intimate dates in New York and L.A." An insider says "Romantically, this kind of happened overnight!" He won her over by being good with her daughter Matilda, prompting her to tell a friend "I love him!" Let's hope Segel isn't just trying to promote The Five Year Engagement with this romance, since "Michelle doesn't do flings. Every person she gets involved with is someone she can entertain the possibility of spending the rest of her life with." No less of a cad as Russell Brand has spoken of envying Segel's rampant cockmanship, calling him "a falcon among gulls when it comes to womanizing." But supposedly "Jason is trying to be more of a grown-up lately. He is taking care of himself more, exercising, eating right and dressing better. Basically, not acting like a frat boy anymore." He thinks Michelle is "the kind of girl he can bring home to his mom." Segel has been perma-single with side trips to the Isle Of Lohan since splitting from Lindsay Weir (Linda Cardellini) while Williams has weathered failed relationships with hipster directors Spike Jonze, Cary Fukunaga, and other "assholes who didn't treat her right" and were "just looking for an unserious situation." Let's hope "puppet collector" Segel can step up to the plate. "Jason can be a bit of a playboy. The only way this will work is if he completely devotes himself to Michelle." "She wants a good guy who will give her a stable family life."
Michelle Williams and Jason Segel: "No more blue valentines for Michelle Williams! The demure three-time Oscar nominee has fallen for longtime pal Jason Segel." The demure Jason Segel, you mean. "They are smitten and very serious." Despite living on opposite coasts, they've been spotted having dinner on both. "He put his arm around her and made her laugh as they walked."
Pregnant Jessica Simpson Is the Best Quote Machine:
"Oh, my God, y'all. I just had a daydream that my vagina ate a bag of Skittles!"
"I made 'slutty' brownies today!"
"The average person expels gas 15 times each day. The average pregnant woman farts 15 times that!"
"It's time for my big girl panties and sleeping bra!"
"I feel like I have a bowling ball sitting on my hoo-ha. Apparently I have a lot of amniotic fluid, so whenever my water breaks, it will be like a fire hydrant!"
"I just started calling myself Swamp Ass. Like, I have 'swamp ass' right now. I had major swamp ass because I was wearing these Spanx to hold in my gut. It's like the bayou up in that region."
Ukranian singer Elka (pronounced "Yolka") is a judge on the Ukranian version of The X Factor. Feeling this video because there's a cat in it that looks like my cat. Yes that's all it takes. Best YouTube Comment: "Slov net!!! Supeeeeeeeeeeerrrrr" — 99guky Grade: B+
Rihanna and Chris: "Of the 100 people gathered gathered to ring in Rihanna's 24th birthday at a Beverly Hills mansion the day before Valentine's Day, only one stood out: her abusive ex-boyfriend, Chris Brown." A witness says, "Rihanna and Chris were very much together. He was touching her butt, rubbing her arm, and they kept dancing with each other. They seemed like a couple to everyone." But while they have "been covertly hooking up for almost a year" they have finally "become more open about their mutual affection." A Riri pal says, "Chris was a strong first love for her that she wants to hold on to. They had a violent, stormy relationship. Her friends obviously think this reunion is crazy — but nobody can tell Rihanna what to do." And since it was her birthday, nobody said an unkind word about Brown's presence, who "kept his gaze on Rihanna until past 4 am," saying "Isn't Rihanna beautiful?" to fellow party guest LaLa Vasquez Anthony. Chris "will always love Rihanna" and would drop girlfriend Karrueche Tran (whose face he recently had tatted on his arm) if Rihanna asked — but Rihanna prefers the control and power she currently has over him, even if Chris still has the upper hand. "She likes the loose nature of it and she doesn't want a boyfriend. This is dangerous, and she likes playing with fire."
Yesterday, Rihanna and Chris Brown released two new collaborations: the remix to her song “Birthday Cake” and the remix to his song “Turn Up the Music.” Brown had previously appeared on her song “Bad Girl” and also has a songwriting credit on “Disturbia." But this is, of course, the first time the two have collaborated since he assaulted her.
Rihanna had a Caribbean-themed 24th-birthday party in Beverly Hills on Monday night at Hearst Mansion, which is not Hearst Castle, but how rad would it be if Rihanna rented out Hearst Castle and made Citizen Riri? Guests at the party included Chris Martin (sans Gwyneth), Bruno Mars, and Rihanna's showbiz best friend Katy Perry. They ate Caribbean food and cupcakes while a DJ and drummer entertained. The best part is the cake she was given at 2 a.m., which featured a frosting topless representation of Rihanna on her stomach straddling a giant blunt. How amazing is it to be given an erotic cake with yourself on it? It's giving me flashbacks to the terrifying Tom Petty video for "Don't Come Around Here No More." Cigars were handed out and champagne popped around mermaid ice sculptures with vodka luges, as a brass band played reggae tunes. It all sounds insanely lavish, like a pop-music remake of The Great Gatsby that I would watch.
Chris Brown: "Confidently approached an attractive brunette" at a Grammy after-party and said, "Can I get your number? I promise I won't beat you!" according to the attractive brunette in question. "He and his friends laughed, then one yelled 'that's his new line!'" Ha ha ha ha DIE, CHRIS BROWN.
Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush: Just before Valentine's Day, "the reality star reconnected with a tall, handsome suitor: ex-boyfriend Reggie Bush."
It was a big weekend for Chris Brown. On Sunday, his unofficial Grammy ban was lifted, and he returned to the show for the first time in three years. He got to perform twice and even won an award, for Best R&B Album. You’d think maybe Chris, knowing the Grammys could have continued icing him out, would cherish the rare national television exposure and be quietly appreciative of the opportunity. You’d think wrong!
