Demi Moore Moves On: Demi is "loving it up with a hot new boytoy: Will Hanigan, 30, a commercial pearl diver and adventurer from Perth, Australia." Will tells Star, "She's an amazing woman. We know each other through yoga, and we've become close." Through naked yoga. "Demi and Will made an arresting pair when spotted at Nine Treasures Yoga in West Hollywood on May 1. While Demi was dressed in all black and carried a traditional rolled yoga mat on her back, towering Will looked more like a Viking, with his long blond hair and beard and a mat made out of a shearling robe slung over his shoulder." He looks like a Game of Thrones character, to be honest. Three days later they returned, and were "making naughty use of the facility's sauna. They get massages before going in — and they can actually be heard making wild sexual noises inside." Receipts? Field recordings?
In the eternal high school that is the entertainment business, sometimes there comes a love triangle for the ages, one that generates an endless stream of speculative tabloid stories about what exactly the stars must be feeling and thinking. Usually the conclusion is horrifying: They're just like us! Maybe it's comforting for common folk to know that all the money, talent, and success in the world can't protect you from experiencing heartbreak. No one goes through life without encountering rejection. Everybody plays the fool, sometimes. There's no exception to the rule. Think of Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, and Jennifer Aniston; Liz Taylor, Eddie Fisher, and Debbie Reynolds; or Eric Clapton, Pattie Boyd, and George Harrison. For the triangle to be truly epic, all three should be about the same level of famous. Which brings us to Chriannake. Let's play Internet detective/fan fiction writer.
Kate Upton & Diddy: "This much is certain in the wake of reports that Sean 'Diddy' Combs and supermodel Kate Upton have engaged in at least one torrid make-out session — Diddy loves the ladies!" Diddy and Upton both denied the "alleged kissing encounter at the Miami club LIV." But insiders who were there say "that the two did indeed get together at the club at about 3 a.m. on March 24 — just a few days after Diddy temporarily broke up with his girlfriend, singer Cassie Ventura. Cassie and Diddy have split up so many times, and usually it's because he can't help his womanizing ways." Diddy Draper! Knock it off. "Cassie was not happy to read about Diddy and Kate together, says the friend, but Diddy argued that he and Cassie were estranged at the time of the incident. In fact, he told her that it was the fling with Kate that made him realize Cassie was the one for him." CLASSIC DIDDY DRAPER. "A second source contends that Diddy then asked Cassie to marry him, something he has reportedly done before, only to be rebuffed." Upton is embarrassed. "She doesn't want to be painted as some kind of homewrecker." Diddy "himself has admitted to having a soft spot for women." He told Cassie Kate Upton was his "final fling." These women are both way too hot for him.
20. Chris Brown: For "beating his girlfriend Rihanna." (Duh.) "Even though Rihanna has taken him back, many music industry insiders don't trust him, perhaps because he claims to be the real victim."
19. Jesse James: "People began to turn on the reality star with reports of his cheating on Sandra Bullock, but his tone-deaf statements made matters worse."
18. Taylor Swift: "The talented singer-songwriter has not only dated what seems like every guy in Hollywood, but she's made millions bashing them in her songs!" Whatever, they're great songs and those dudes were fuckos! "She also can't seem to take a joke. After Tina Fey made a lighthearted quip about her boy-crazy rep, Taylor responded by saying 'There's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women.'" OMG, she was like just quoting Katie Couric! Boo, you whore.
The backstory on This Is the End is that it grew out of a comedy short Seth Rogen and Jay Baruchel knocked out right after Knocked Up, called Jay and Seth vs. the Apocalypse. The idea: It's the end of the world. Rogen and Baruchel, holed up in a barricaded apartment, are the only survivors. And they can't stand each other. Perfect little high-concept horror-comedy, yeah? In fact, almost too perfect: The short got optioned without ever getting any kind of run; the only visible part left is this here trailer. ("Look at this place! This fucking sucks!" "It's not that much worse than our old apartment.")
First things first: In a new video released to TMZ, Lil Wayne shows himself for the first time since his terrible seizure scare, says he's "more than good," and actually seems like he is. I mean this is a person we all thought might actually die a week ago, and now he's eating lollipops and announcing tours and palling around with T.I.? He's also totally indifferent about his new record I Am Not a Human Being 2 coming out ("my bum-ass album coming out March 26 ... it's 26? You're gonna get that shit or you won't. If not, it's whatever"). Is it because it's secretly a contractually mandated, mailed-in release? Is it because, as is necessitated by any brush with death, he's had all his priorities radically transformed and now just wants to live and think and appreciate ladybugs? Or is it because he knows his last album, Tha Carter IV, sold nearly a million copies its first week despite not being very good, meaning our dude is at a point of lifelong, tween-based fame where he could release the pencil-scratch noises from the latest Trukfit zebra-print-hoodie design session and still move major units? Oh, also: above, his new, surprisingly kind of dope new single.
This week, Molly, Tess, and Emily try to get inside the mysterious mind of Taylor Swift, in light of some of the more problematic moments of her recent Vanity Fair interview. Are we all being played by Swift's elaborate music/lyrics/tabloids game? We then move on to discuss the new Bravo reality show L.A. Shrinks, which tests our ability to suspend disbelief in new, surreal ways. We also have a chat about the YouTube-ening of the Billboard charts and whether novelty songs like "Thrift Shop" and "Harlem Shake" are the future of pop music. This turns into a chat about perennial chart-topper Rihanna, the other piece of bread in our inadvertent pop-star sandwich — and, like Swift, another musical artist whose public life can be hard to separate from her musical output.
Cindy Crawford & Rande Gerber: "At a concert at the Malibu Inn in early February, the 47-year-old supermodel was more of a hot mess! While downing drink after drink, she went on a wild dancing and flirting spree with victims including Brody Jenner and Johnny Zambetti, the lead guitarist of the headlining band Terraplane Sun - all while Rande Gerber, her husband of 14 years, looked on unfazed." Cindy supposedly told Zambetti "My marriage is over!" and he says that "she certainly wasn't acting like a married woman. She was acting like a single, 21-year-old party girl." Cindy's rep claims the couple is just fine, and that they were there to see Shwayze. “Cindy was not flirting with any men or drinking. Cindy and Rande are very happily married." There have been rumors of turmoil in the Crawford-Gerber union before, including the gossip that they participate in partner swapping with other celebrity couples like George Clooney and Stacy Keibler. Witnesses say Cindy was wasted and kept talking about "hot band guys" while "chasing Brody all around the bar. After a while, he and his two guy friends started to mess with her, buying her shots and making her take them. She was loving the attention!" Also I mean, c'mon Brody, it's fucking Cindy Crawford. Rande "wasn't paying Cindy any attention at all. He was completely checked out." Friends say "Rande's indifference is precisely the reason Cindy's behaving like a teenager in the first place — it's her way of getting back at him for cheating on her throughout their marriage." Star had an exclusive in 2004 when Rande hooked up with a New Orleans waitress. "Cindy's put up with a lot over the years." SOUNDS LIKE IT. "She always flirts with guys, and it's really sad because I think she does it out of jealousy over Rande flirting with other women."
Rihanna's "surprisingly slutty" London Fashion Week debut sure was something, right? Her River Island collaboration was widely panned by critics, though if you smoke a ton of weed, the feeling of a breeze gently flirting with your exposed belly button and fondling your upper thighs probably feels soooooo goooood guuuuuys. I don't know, the fishnet tank and mid-calf skirt ensemble sort of spoke to me. I picture it paired with a vinyl burgerpurse and a bra that has googly eyes over the nipples. I also can't argue with the merits of the interrupted overalls or the sheer apron-front Sexy Amish Coroner frock. It's called peacocking, you amateurs. Learn it.
You couldn't have scripted this better: On Sunday night at Los Angeles's Westlake Studios, Chris Brown, arguably the most media-reviled figure in pop music, got into a fight with Frank Ocean, arguably the most media-beloved. And while hearing the factions involved may lead you to immediately ascribe the brawl to a clashing of the value systems the two R&B stars willingly or otherwise represent, it appears, at this point at least, that it wasn't all that heavy. More specifically: Brown and Ocean may have been fighting over a parking spot.
TMZ reported the news via "sources connected with Chris," and, surprise! — those sources say Frank started it: "As Chris went to leave [the studio], Frank Ocean and his crew blocked Chris from leaving. The sources say Frank said, 'This is my studio, this is my parking spot.' We're told Chris went to shake Frank's hand and that's when one of Frank's people attacked Chris one of Chris' friends jumped in front and hit Frank's friend Frank then came at Chris Chris pushed him away and they started brawling."
Kate Winslet & Ned Rocknroll: Kate Winslet married Ned Rocknroll, a.k.a. Richard Branson's nephew with the incredibly dumb (self-chosen) name. "Call her Mrs. Rocknroll!" I will but I won't like it! The couple of a year wed before "a small group of friends and family." Perennial bachelor Leonardo DiCaprio "walked the bride down the aisle" and shattered/stoked the dreams of a trillion Titanic fangirls. Ned is "really attracted to her mind. She's mature, and he feels he can learn so much from her. It's sexy!" Is it just me or does that sound a little bit like shade? Oh, well, wishing all the best to the Rocknrolls.
From Kirstie Alley oversharing about conspiring with George Wendt to snap a picture of Ted Danson's dick during the Cheers years to the revelation that Mel Gibson is dating Jennifer Aniston's body double, this year we learned more than we could have possibly ever wanted to about celebrities.
Kate Middleton Is Pregnant: "Royal-watchers all around the globe had been on tenterhooks for months." THAT SOUNDS UNCOMFORTABLE. "At long last, Will and Kate are expecting a little prince or princess!" While they were hoping to keep the story under wraps until Kate was 12 weeks along, and release the news on Christmas Day, it came out early when Middleton was admitted to a hospital for morning sickness. Nevertheless, "William and Kate are elated." They started trying in September, "once their Malaria medication has run its course" after their "royal tour of Southeast Asia." The holy "VIP baby leapfrogs Harry to become third in line for the throne behind William and his father." A nursery "is in the early stages" as the couple continue with their move into Kensington Palace. Get ready to hear all about the future royal baby for months from weirdo superfans.
Scarlett Johansson Is Depressed: "She was totally out of control in Moscow recently" at a champagne brand's promo event. "She was drinking nonstop and barely slept. It was obvious that she was trying to numb her feelings." She's sad about her breakup with ad exec Nate Naylor. "She's not used to going home alone — it's a shock to her system. The fact that Ryan Reynolds is happily married while she's single again has done a number on her. And the drinking is taking its toll — she's been crying because she feels so fat." She got a lucky horseshoe tattooed on her ribcage "because she's feeling a bit unlucky." A rebound with ex-boyfriend Jared Leto quickly went south. "She thought a fling with Jared would make her feel better, but since it was only a hookup, it only made things worse." Time for Lost in Translation 2? I know I'd pay good money to watch Scarlett be sad in Russia.