Out back at Khloe and Lamar's house, Khloe asks Bernard Hopkins, "Why are you so cute, pooty-face?" Bernard Hopkins doesn't answer. Kim's on her jewel-encrusted laptop. Rob walks in and says, "Hey, fat feet" to Kim, which I'm going to assume means this scene was shot not long after these made the rounds. Rob says he's going up to his room to "[bleep bleep] for two hours" and not to bother him. Khloe and Kim talk about what's wrong with Rob. "He needs to go to a psychologist," Khloe says. "He cries at all times."
Kylie goes to an acting school in Woodland Hills, where an acting coach tells her some important things about auditioning, like how if all they give you propswise is a chair, you should use the chair, and how it's important to "really go for it." The acting coach smiles the whole time like her area of expertise is teaching people how to smile. Meanwhile, at his photo studio, Victoria's Secret photographer Russell James tells Kris that Kendall is coming into her own as a "legitimate supermodel" who could hold her own opposite Candice Swanepoel and Karlie Kloss. Kendall "has unlimited potential," he says. "It's immediate and it's happening now." Her potential has the immediacy of a thing that is presently happening, is what he's saying.
Angelina Jolie is "Surprise! Boring in bed." Whaaaaaa? This alleged information comes from shade thrown by her ex, Billy Bob Thornton, who has said, "sometimes, with the model, the actress, the 'sexiest person in the world,' it may be literally like fucking the couch." FUCK YO COUCH, BILLY BOB!
Miranda Lambert & Blake Shelton: Splitting up is not on the table for the country supercouple. Lambert says she's questioned whether her marriage to Shelton will last "a million" times. "Divorce is not an option," Lambert said. "I will fight to the death. I am a ninja." That seems like a weird thing to say about your relationship. In order to keep communication open, Lambert and Shelton "are allowed to snoop through each other's phones." Has she never heard of a burner? They never spend longer than two weeks away from each other. "We text a lot. Even if it's just sending a picture of the onion rings we're eating!" OK, that seems less weird. They bond at home, "hang out on the porch, drink beer and cook burgers." Lambert says "I think it's important as a married couple to be friends." This all feels strangely defensive. I'm rooting for Lambert (how could I not be?), so I hope things work out.
Demi Moore Out Of Control in Miami: "Dancing wildly and downing Red Bull after Red Bull at 1:30 A.M., Demi Moore — wearing a thigh-baring romper and black glasses — made quite a spectacle of herself in Miami Beach." There for Art Basel, the "50-year-old mom of three grinded against fellow reveler Stacy Keibler, 33, as Lenny Kravitz, 48, looked on." How come nobody's calling nearly 50-year-old father Kravitz "out of control" for still going out and partying? Oh right, he's not a woman. Then again, Demi did just get out of rehab, so the age-shaming can be also be played off as genuine concern for her health. "Demi partying was really something else. Lenny was rolling his eyes." Moore's boy-toy Vito Schnabel, 26, "was keeping a safe distance from the self-proclaimed puma." He tried to ditch her, but "she won't let it go. He told her to leave him alone, but she went to Miami anyway." I would totally watch this if it were a movie, but the reality is pretty hard to take. "Demi is insecure about getting older." OH YOU THINK? "That's why she hangs out with so many young people." A friend defends her by saying, "She was having fun." She looks like she was having fun twerking like an awkward white lady. Before Schnabel, she hooked up with Hard Rock Hotel heir Harry Morton, who dated Lindsay Lohan. Moore's daughters were in Miami to party, but they have exiled their mom. "They're not talking. She and Scout haven't spoken in a long time." This is very sad. Actresses get punished for getting older but mocked for acting young. Demi Moore obviously has a lot of problems, but shaming her isn't gonna help.