Deadline is reporting that Ryan Murphy has netted a deal with Sony Pictures for a music comedy called One Hit Wonders. And your one-hit wonders are — Reese Witherspoon, Cameron Diaz, and Gwyneth Paltrow! They'd all play pop stars who had one big song in the '90s before fading away; now, in the harsh light of day, they decide to form a super group and to make their return. Also: Andy Samberg and the Lonely Island will be writing the songs. Also: Beyoncé is involved somehow (best guess: she'll play the mean-girl reigning pop star who is at first dismissive, but then ultimately supportive in a major way, of the plucky trio's chances of redemption. A backstage awards show group hug is not out of the question here). Murphy will write the script with his Glee team, Brad Falchuk and Ian Brennan, and is hoping to direct after he's done with the long-gestating adaptation of Larry Kramer's AIDS crisis play The Normal Heart.
A person doesn’t become a pioneer of rear-entry scenes without accumulating a few detractors. Ryan Murphy’s haters are a diverse group: from the Parents Television Council, predictably wishing sex and other interesting things off the airwaves, to former fans who are sick (Sick! Green at the gills!) of illogical plot twists and disappointing season finales (Nip/Tuck being the prime example), to people who speak in Gleek and whose messages I can only decode by their use of the hash tag “I hate Ryan Murphy” — their numbers are vast and their emotions punctuated by zillions of exclamation marks. People love to hate Ryan Murphy so much that they will subject themselves to the Glee movie three times just to try to understand their reactions in the most masochistic way possible. Some of them grouse convincingly: Ryan Murphy has offended television viewers of varying sizes, sexual orientations, genders, and people with mental and physical disabilities. Others (so many others) seem infuriated that Murphy was unable to craft a human boyfriend for them out of the Tate pages of the American Horror Story script.
Below, a brief history of Murphy gripes. Perhaps one day we’ll all find peace, if Gwyneth Paltrow is willing to step in as mediator once again; if not, prepare to don your rubber bodysuit in preparation for the fiery, emotional explosion when Glee inevitably runs out of steam. And get your fire poker ready.
The problem with haunted-house stories are that the solution seems so obvious: just leave the house. Put it on Craigslist and find a good real estate agent sometime between after the faucet starts leaking blood and before you ever explore the screams coming from the basement. Sell your car and move into a beige condo with one bathroom. Leave while you have your life, and figure the rest out later.
American Horror Story, however — the everything bagel of haunted-house sagas — seems a more relevant and less impossible scenario now than it ever would have before: it is more difficult to leave a house, if you’re lucky enough to be in the shrinking group of people who have the money and confidence to buy one in the first place, than it was before the housing crisis began. Selling your home, especially one with jars of babies in the basement and constant solicitations from a disfigured man who needs money for his acting head shots, is difficult; finding another place while your haunted mansion sits on the market makes the reluctance to leave even more forceful. The Harmons, the family around which AHS revolves, are struggling financially, and of course, like many supernaturally staged homes with kitchen islands of horror, the house has an additional psychological pull on them that makes them stay. Dylan McDermott’s character Ben runs his psychiatric practice from the house, no longer able to afford an office, and it would be understandably difficult to see patients in a tiny corporate apartment. They’re stuck — stuck in a modern way.
Johnny Depp will produce and possibly star in a Dr. Seuss biopic being written by In Treatment’s Keith Bunin. Seuss, a.k.a. Theodor Geisel, grew up in Springfield, Massachusetts, went to school at Dartmouth, died in 1991, and in between wrote books that have sold over 200 million copies. The movie will chart the events that led to the publications of his children’s classics, while also getting at the dark secret at the heart of his life: Dr. Seuss never actually graduated medical school. Grade: A- [HR]
On second thought, Universal Pictures has decided not to move forward with Ron Howard's insane-seeming three-movie, two-miniseries mega-adaptation of Stephen King's The Dark Tower, which would have sent Javier Bardem's kids to private school and been one of the most expensive and ambitious productions in history. Instead, they'll more wisely spend the money on the next dozen Fast & Furious sequels. Grade: A [Deadline]
Anger Management, Charlie Sheen's sitcom adaptation of the 2003 Adam Sandler-Jack Nicholson movie, was upgraded from "pipe dream" to "pipe dream with a press release" yesterday with the announcement that Lionsgate subsidiary Debmar-Mercury will distribute the show in the unlikely event that it ever finds a network or a show-runner. "I chose Anger Management because, while it might be a big stretch for me to play a guy with serious anger management issues, I think it is a great concept," said Sheen in the release. Hilarious. Grade: D [HR]
