One thing you should know about buddy (undead) cop comedy R.I.P.D. is that Zach Galifianakis was originally cast alongside Ryan Reynolds, but dropped out due to scheduling conflicts (with his free time, he ended up shooting more Bored to Death (good!) and The Campaign (not so good!) And so the studio went ahead and replaced Galifianakis with Jeff Bridges?! What strange world do we live in where American treasure Jeff Bridges picks up sloppy seconds from the guy who made a baby masturbate? But maybe this speaks less to the shifting fortunes in either man's career, and more to the fact that Bridges, apparently, really wanted to riff goofily off his own gruff past roles. Here, he and Reynolds play a dead cop team that patrols Earth, bringing back the souls who won't agree to move peacefully on to the afterlife (R.I.P.D = Rest in Peace Department). And Bridges gets to wear a cowboy hat and Colonel Sanders facial hair and say stuff like "We are the greatest lawmen that ever lived and died." Well, at least someone's having fun here.
Angelina Jolie is "Surprise! Boring in bed." Whaaaaaa? This alleged information comes from shade thrown by her ex, Billy Bob Thornton, who has said, "sometimes, with the model, the actress, the 'sexiest person in the world,' it may be literally like fucking the couch." FUCK YO COUCH, BILLY BOB!
From Kirstie Alley oversharing about conspiring with George Wendt to snap a picture of Ted Danson's dick during the Cheers years to the revelation that Mel Gibson is dating Jennifer Aniston's body double, this year we learned more than we could have possibly ever wanted to about celebrities.
Scarlett Johansson Is Depressed: "She was totally out of control in Moscow recently" at a champagne brand's promo event. "She was drinking nonstop and barely slept. It was obvious that she was trying to numb her feelings." She's sad about her breakup with ad exec Nate Naylor. "She's not used to going home alone — it's a shock to her system. The fact that Ryan Reynolds is happily married while she's single again has done a number on her. And the drinking is taking its toll — she's been crying because she feels so fat." She got a lucky horseshoe tattooed on her ribcage "because she's feeling a bit unlucky." A rebound with ex-boyfriend Jared Leto quickly went south. "She thought a fling with Jared would make her feel better, but since it was only a hookup, it only made things worse." Time for Lost in Translation 2? I know I'd pay good money to watch Scarlett be sad in Russia.
Dina & Lindsay Lohan: Dina's weird Dr. Phil segment continues to ripple dark energy throughout the Lohaniverse. "Dina was obviously high on something. It's hard to tell whether it was drugs or alcohol. It's very inappropriate to go on a TV show in that state. She must have done it because she knew Dr. Phil was going to ask hard questions about her parenting." Or because she's just permanently slizzered. The episode, in which Dina "seemed intoxicated as she flailed her way through the interview" with Dr. Phil, "makes it clear that the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree." This is all just sad, and has been for a long time.
Blake Lively & Ryan Reynolds: "With its 300-year-old moss-draped oak trees and stately, columned mansion, the Boone Hall Plantation & Gardens in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina, is a favorite venue for couples tying the knot. But it wasn't just the charming post-and-rail fences and lush lawns that appealed to the couple saying 'I do' there September 9th."
Was it the historic slave quarters then? Boone Hall's website seriously boasts about the "eight original slave cabins" and the road in front of the plantation property is quaintly named "Slave Street." I personally find the whole idea of getting married at a Southern plantation totally tacky and repulsive on a soul level, but hey, I'm not Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds.
It appears that Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively got married. If your first reaction was a brief eyebrow lift, possibly paired with an audible "huh," congratulations: That is the correct answer.
At the age of 35, Ryan Reynolds has now been married twice (Lively, Scarlett Johansson for 10 minutes two years) and engaged thrice (Alanis Morissette, way back in 2004). Reynolds is kind of like a groupie of female celebrities, except he happens to be a celebrity, too, which makes matters much more complicated and public. But there is something kind of lost and hungry about his romantic travails up until now, as if he's searching for that perfect name to attach his name to, and whose fame won't overshadow his own. One thing is for certain: The search is far from over. Here's a cheat sheet for the next 10 years.
Will Britney Survive on The X Factor? "It's going to be so much fun," said a "clearly uncomfortable Spears" as she took the stage at Fox's upfronts to announce her participation as a judge in the new season of The X Factor. "Doing X Factor may lead her back into meltdown territory. She gets extremely nervous and anxious. She's hard on herself and not very confident." Even a positive event like her engagement to Jason Trawick can "input as stress. This is a lot of change all at once for Britney. She's coming undone." While her last two albums went platinum, friends say she is not fully recovered from the 2008 mental breakdown that ended with a psych ward stay. "She really is starting to seem loopy and not right. She is so happy one minute and crying the next. Her emotions are fragile." At a friend's Brentwood crawfish boil, Spears ignored partygoers while "muttering obscenities by herself." She hung out by the food table, saying, "Fuck it, I'm eating whatever I want. I don't care." Being the world's most famous teenage pop star may have had some unforeseen longer-term ill effects. "Everyone she needs to see comes to the house. She gets her hair done or spray-tans at home. She is definitely lonely and doesn't have friends." A million sad smiley faces. X-Factor may exploit the curiosity factor. "The show needs a bankable pop star who will get viewers watching, whether they think she's ridiculous or they love her."
John Travolta's Secret Life Surprises Kelly Preston: "Kelly was suddenly besieged by the reports of John's secret sex life." After their 11-year-old daughter asked what was up, Kelly "fell to the floor in a flood of tears. Suddenly, Kelly feels like she's been living a lie for two decades, and it's like a knife to the heart." The rumors about Travolta "have swarmed around Hollywood since at least 1990, when Paul Barresi, a gay porn star, publicly claimed that he and John were having sex." As a complete coincidence, Travolta married Preston in 1991 in "a quickie Scientology wedding ceremony." They signed a contract whose "exact contents are unknown" and "such agreements can contain almost anything — including prohibiting a spouse from speaking publicly about scandals." Jeff Conaway, who co-starred as Kenickie in Grease alongside Travolta, claims "that John once tried to perform oral sex on him while he slept." Conaway also says "that Kelly knows that John is gay" and agreed to beard for him, because she "wanted the lifestyle that comes with a marriage to a Hollywood celebrity more than love."
Chris Brown: "Confidently approached an attractive brunette" at a Grammy after-party and said, "Can I get your number? I promise I won't beat you!" according to the attractive brunette in question. "He and his friends laughed, then one yelled 'that's his new line!'" Ha ha ha ha DIE, CHRIS BROWN.
Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush: Just before Valentine's Day, "the reality star reconnected with a tall, handsome suitor: ex-boyfriend Reggie Bush."
Daniel Espinosa, director of Safe House, starring Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds, took 20 minutes out of his busy morning (the movie opened in theaters today) to chat about his career, the film, and most importantly, our mutual adoration of Denzel Washington.
You're from Sweden. How did you get attached to this film?
Well, I made Swedish movie before called Snabba Cash — Easy Money in English — and when that movie was released in Sweden, that was in Avatar times, you know when Avatar was number one in box office worldwide ...
Didn't it beat out Avatar in Sweden?
Yeah, exactly. So that caught the interest of the Americans — they saw it and thought it might maybe being adaptable and so they called me up. I was in Sweden back then and people started calling me from the States, wanting to send me scripts and that was like ... strange. I thought it was my buddies doing, you know, crank calls to me. I think the first time, I actually hung up.
They should really just rename all of these tabloids Judging Other Women for Their Choices and Appearance Magazine. Can you imagine if men's magazines were like this instead of the monthly blowjobs to manliness (suits! whiskey! cars! titties! war!) that they are? What if there were a Bros Weekly and the stories were like, "Darren Aronofsky: Did He Put His Career Before His Marriage?" "Are Leo's Friends Making Fun of Him Behind His Back?" "Clint Eastwood Wishes He Was the Young Clint Eastwood"? Feeling old? Feeling fat? Feeling ugly and insecure, like your fabulous wife is going to leave you for James Bond? Now multiply that times a billion and you know what it's like to be a woman who consumes media. These magazines are like a passive-aggressive friend that hates you and makes you feel terrible about yourself. I love the good men's magazines because they make me feel cool and informed and ready to slam dunk the Henderson account. Tabloids and women's beauty magazines all make me want to stab myself in the face with an emerald.
Leonardo DiCaprio will star in a remake of The Gambler directed by Martin Scorsese and written by William Monahan, making it a reunion for the Departed principals. The original is from 1974, was written by James Toback, and starred James Caan as a gambling-addicted English professor. Forget the involvement of Scorsese and Monahan, and the gritty source material for a second: Dicaprio playing a professor? We’re in. Grade: A [Deadline]
Beyoncé's just-announced pregnancy means Clint Eastwood's remake of A Star Is Born — which she's, um, starring in — will be pushed back from its planned February 2012 start date to a later one, which is maybe a good thing because there's no male lead yet attached (DiCaprio was Clint's first choice but turned it down). Also: Ahhhhh! Beyoncé's pregnant! Grade: A (for pregnancy) [Deadline]
Terrence Malick is planning on following up his next movie — not May's Tree of Life, which took him 30 years to make, but the Ben Affleck/Rachel McAdams one that’s already in post-production — with another mysterious, untitled feature that’ll will pair him with Christian Bale (with whom he worked on The New World). Also in contention for the project, which is said to feature a small cast dominated by its two leads, are Rooney Mara, Haley Bennet, Clemence Poesy, and Mia Wasikowska. Serious question: is Malick on that drug from Limitless? Grade: A [Twitch]
Showtime has orders in for three pilots: Gurland on Gurland, a “first-person documentary” from writer/director Andrew Gurland (Cheaters, The Virginity Hit); Masters of Sex, about sex researchers William Masters and Virginia Johnson; and Ray Donovan, a family dramedy about a "fixer" for L.A. power players with a troubled home life. Can’t wait for the crossover episodes! Grade: C+ [Variety]