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LOOSE ENDS

Afternoon Links: Scranton Ads, Death Cats, and CUMBERBATCH!

By Tess Lynch at

Here is a crowd-sourced Dunder Mifflin ad that will air during the Super Bowl in Scranton, and only in Scranton.

• Oh, and hey guys, got any hot sexy plans this weekend? Maybe gonna eat some poached veal with Larry King? Wear something trampy on your date with a pickup artist skeeve in a rape van? No? You could always try this online dating service that uses humans instead of algorithms if you’re interested in capturing the sensation of being set up by your “fabulous, drunk aunt.” Or you could save the $99 and just ask your own fabulous, drunk aunt for the hookup. Fabulous, drunk aunts have been making it happen since two-thousand-never.

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YOUTUBE HALL OF FAME

YouTube HOF: Impossible Adaptations

By Grantland Staff at
Warner Brothers

Editor's note: David Mitchell's "unadaptable" novel Cloud Atlas comes to the big screen this week courtesy of the Wachowskis and Tom Tykwer, and while the early word is mostly positive, the potential for a big-budget train wreck remains considerable. Regardless of what audiences make of it on Friday, it's one of the most ambitious projects in the last few years, and joins the pantheon of movies that everyone said couldn't be done — some of which proved them all wrong, and some of which, well ...

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MOVIE NEWS

Shocker: Stephen King's The Dark Tower Probably Not Getting Made Into a Movie

By Amos Barshad at
Marc Andrew Deley/Getty Images

Stephen King has had so many of his books and series turned into movies and TV shows that the "media based on Stephen King works" Wikipedia page is actually as long if not longer than the "Muggsy Bogues" Wikipedia page. (That's not just a random comparison, by the way. I use the "Muggsy Bogues" Wikipedia page as the barometer for most things in my life). But now, for what is probably like the third or fourth time ever in his life, a book Stephen King wrote — in this case, The Dark Tower series — is not getting adapted. Sorry, bro.

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GRADING THE TRADES

Where's Waldo? Goes Hollywood

Where's Waldo
AP Photo/Gary He

MGM has purchased the rights to Where's Waldo, and will helm an adaptation as a live-action family adventure. The series, launched in 1987, has sold 55 million copies in over 38 countries. That means if the entire movie consisted of a rotation of still images, and un-soundtracked group point-outs in the theaters, it’d probably still make a ton of money. Grade: A- [Showblitz]

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GRADING THE TRADES

Grace Kelly, Famed Political Negotiator, Gets Movie

Grace Kelly
AP Photo/Charles E. Knoblock

Grace of Monaco, a spec script by Arash Amel, has been purchased by the Stone Angel production firm. The movie won't be a biopic, focusing instead on a six-month period 1962 when Grace Kelly - the Hollywood star turned princess - helped negotiate behind the scenes when Monaco got in a tax-haven scrap with France. That mixture of a personal story with a political one is being compared to The King's Speech by its backers, which is understandable, but perhaps a bit bold considering that movie won Best Picture just last year. While you're at it, why not throw in The Hurt Locker, Slumdog Millionaire, and, oh, No Country For Old Men? Grade: A- [HR]

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STEVES

Stephen King and Steven Spielberg's Under the Dome Series Heads to Showtime

King/Spielberg
Getty Images

Today brings news that two of the world’s three most powerful Stev(ph)ens, Spielberg and King, have joined forces with Showtime on a deal to transform King’s one-million-page book, Under the Dome, into a series. The novel more or less follows the plot of The Simpsons Movie, only with less yellow nudity, and should provide a number of seasons worth of angst, suspense and, hopefully, a heavy dose of Klassic King profanity (we’re always been partial to his use of "Whoremonger!") But what’s notable about the release is how it’s changed from when the project was initially being pitched around Hollywood: Under the Dome was originally conceived as a miniseries (or, in contemporary nonsense parlance, an “event series”). Now it’s set-up as an ongoing. What changed?

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GRADING THE TRADES

Jonathan Demme to Save JFK

Jonathan Demme
Chris Scott/Getty Images

Jonathan Demme has optioned Stephen King's upcoming 11/22/63, about a high school teacher who travels back in time to prevent JFK's assassination (and the only good Oliver Stone movie since the '80s). Grade: B [Variety]

In a shameless bid to woo 18-24 demographic, Robert Redford has added Susan Sarandon, Julie Christie, and Richard Jenkins to the cast of his The Company You Keep, about a former militant hippie (Redford) pursued by the FBI after his identity is exposed by an ambitious young reporter (Shia LaBeouf). Sarandon and Christie will play former Weather Underground members, and Jenkins, a college professor who aids other former radicals. Grade: B [Deadline]

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