On Sunday, August 19, Lindsay Lohan invited her friends over to the residence of Sam Magid, a wealthy man with whom she was in a "longstanding relationship," for an all-night house party. On Monday, August 20, Magid called the police, claiming that $100,000 worth of watches, jewelry, and sunglasses had been taken from his home. After being named a suspect in the case, Lindsay spent a couple weeks dodging police questioning before the charges were eventually dropped.
At this point, I have to assume Lindsay knows exactly what she's doing, and that she's simply gunning for her own volume of Hollywood Babylon. How else can you explain the disappearing robbery charges, Lohan passing the blame off on Suge Knight's "son" Andrew, or the fact that someone who has been prosecuted for stealing jewelry in the past would end up anywhere near a jewelry heist? Lindsay is much too stubborn to stay far away from trouble.
Back in mid-March, when the two-month-old American Idol season had started to devolve from "semi-fun way to waste a couple of hours on a Wednesday night" to "unbearable death-slog during which a crow that looks like Phillip Phillips pecked out your eyes and cawed the melody to 'Ants Marching' in your ear," we took some time to suggest four entirely new slates of talent to reinvigorate the obviously declining franchise. As it happens, the show seems to be in immediate need of some new judges! The decks have been cleared, with J.Lo off to make some great new movies about the eventual triumph of true love over the romance-impeding demands of a successful interior-decorating career, Steven Tyler departing to restore Aerosmith to its place as the third-most-coked-out band of 1978, and Randy Jackson to reportedly dawg it up as a mentor. Will Mariah Carey be joining as a judge? Some say that's "very likely" in the works. Is Aretha Franklin willing to throw a giant hat with a fun bow on it into the judging ring? She e-mailed CNN to indicate she'd be happy to do so, she's just waiting for someone to call. Will a suddenly budget-minded Idol be able to afford the all-star roster they probably need to make anyone care about what should might be the final season before Rupert Murdoch finally drags the badly wounded Nielsen thoroughbred behind the barn to put it out of its misery? That's not our concern. We're only here to helpfully provide an embarrassment of viable candidates to fill those empty chairs behind the judges' table. Take our free advice or don't, Fox. But you can't say we didn't dedicate an entire podcast to trying to save your show.
Below are our judging teams (presented in order of reader voting). Feel free to mix and match, Rupert! Whatever you need to get this thing back on its feet.
The sprawling, endless investigations of the murders of Biggie Smalls and Tupac have now seen one more twist. According to Murder Rap, a new book by ex-LAPD detective Greg Kading, it was Sean Combs who hired a hitman to kill Tupac, presumably as an extension of the East Coast-West Coast beef. In this scenario Biggie was killed in direct retaliation to Tupac’s murder by a hitman hired by Suge Knight. L.A. Weekly reached Combs for comment, and he replied, “This story is pure fiction and completely ridiculous.” Knight did not respond. So, how believable does this sound?
Starz has renewed Boss — a political drama starring Kelsey Grammer as a powerful Chicago mayor with a troublesome secret that could bring him down — for a second season even before its October 10 debut. In explaining the bold move, Starz president Chris Albrecht said, “With each episode, the story grew richer, and the cast continued to turn in breakthrough performances ... For our viewers, we felt it important to start working on the next season as soon as possible.” “Also, nobody really watches Starz, so we’re pretty confident the ratings bump from people mistakenly thinking they’re watching a Frasier rerun will be significant,” he did not add. Grade: B+ [HR]
Andy Rooney is quitting 60 Minutes! The indefatigable curmudgeon has been with the show since 1968, has been delivering his trademark rant-essays since 1978, and has appeared in over 1,000 broadcasts. The 92-year-old will officially announce his departure himself on this Sunday’s 60 Minutes, probably with a rant about people who make too big of a deal about Andy Rooney leaving 60 Minutes. We’ll miss you, buddy. Grade: A [HR]