The Headliner

The Dark Knight Rises

The capper to Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy drew mixed reviews during its theatrical run, so if the bad ones kept you away, now's your chance to form an opinion before its inevitable nomination for several technical Oscars and probably none for writing or acting.

Bane's (Tom Hardy) plot: too complicated? Bane's voice: too silly? Anne Hathaway's Catwoman: superior to Michelle Pfeiffer's? Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) using his Batman voice, when he's suited up, with Morgan Freeman's Fox, even though Fox totally knows who he is: still?! You'll be able to answer all these questions and more — and, best of all, you can pause it for bathroom breaks, and you will need to, because this thing is LONG.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes is an unquestionable hit. Since Friday, multiplexes have been packed with self-loathing, popcorn-stuffed humans all too happy to shell out $54 million of their rapidly disappearing dollars to cheer for their own extinction. And now, for Round 2 of its specious, antispecies crusade, Hollywood has adopted a more subtle strategy. It’s August, the month in which the most babies are born here in the USA. (It’s also the month in which the most sharks are irrationally feared, but that’s not important right now.) And so to head off any warm, fuzzy, fertile feelings we humans might be experiencing, the eu-geniuses in Tinseltown have recently unveiled three trailers, all of which should make birth-control sales — not to mention the popularity of Lord Varys — soar.