Miley Cyrus: MARIJUANA OVERDOSE! "GIRL GONE WILD!" A picture of Miley with downcast eyes in a Kurt Cobain T-shirt. "Miley was smoking so much weed, her friends were afraid that she had overdosed!" Her friends are idiots. "Her eyes were extremely glassed over, and she was talking gibberish. She looked messed up. People were really concerned." Miley's pals sound like a bunch of snitches. Also, it's WEED, y'all. She'll be fine. Chillin' even. "It's not the first time Miley has gotten out of control, and she runs with a very shady, drug-using crowd." Again, as long as the only drug they're using is weed, she'll be A-OK. "We're afraid Miley will overdose badly at some point." I mean, maybe on Doritos. Miley "smokes pot until she passes out." Sounds like a gateway drug to watching marathons of The Millionaire Matchmaker. She shuts down criticism with "we're partying, and it's early." Too much marijuana "could cripple the chart-topper's vocal chords and damage brain cells." Reefer Madness Montana may not know that pot "increases dopamine levels, but they then drop below the normal levels and it's difficult to get them to return — so people try harder drugs." Even without harder drugs, "a marijuana overdose — symptoms of which include feelings of paranoia or fear, vomiting, increased heart rate, hallucination, and disorientation — can occur." A sidebar suggests that Miley's extra-perky cleavage is a result of a breast augmentation, rather than of being 19. Miley is "sick of always having to apologize for her behavior." And I'm sick of all these BUZZKILLS bringing down my girl Miley's HIGH, MAAAAAN. Now pass the fucking moon rock vaporizer this-a-way, please.

Posted at 3:30 PM