We know we say this every week, but this time it's true: Summer movie season truly starts this weekend, with the opening of Fast & Furious 6, and we here at Grantland figured it was about time we honor the muscle-ripped, gravel-voiced heart of the franchise with his very own HOF.
And it could only be more bizarrely perfect if he were reclining in his own bathtub up on that stage, surrounded by flickering candles, occasionally drawing his knees up to his chest to protect himself from the feelings spilling out. But maybe he doesn't even need the prop; he's somehow just as naked standing up there all alone, sounding like Barry White if Barry White could throw The Rock through a wall.
Vin Diesel and Ricky Gervais brought the unemployment rate down yesterday. Here's why:
Gervais is in talks as the lead in the The Muppets sequel. Most of the team from the reboot — writer Nicholas Stoller, director James Bobin, and music man Bret McKenzie, who copped the Oscar the first time out — are back on board, but Jason Segel's out, leaving one human-sized hole to fill. Gervais actually filmed a cameo for the first flick that didn't make the cut, so looks like he'll have a chance for redemption. By the way, this one's set in Europe; Modern Family’s Ty Burrell is already on board as "lazy Interpol inspector." (As in, a person who works for the International Criminal Police Organization, not a person who checks to see how many of the words to Turn on the Bright Lights you know). The Euro plotline hasn't been revealed yet, so might we suggest: The Muppets go on a post-high-school graduation soul-searching backpacking trip?
Last night, CBS aired the 2012 People's Choice Awards, the only network-televised awards show to value the opinion of the unwashed masses over the critical and professional cabals who hand over their gilded Preciouses based on inscrutable, insidery criteria like "artistic merit." But here's the thing: The People are often wrong. The People have given us Two and a Half Men, at least three installments of Chipmunks movies, and flickering hope to a Rick Santorum presidential candidacy. And so we've taken it upon ourselves to look at some of the major PCA categories and decide who can keep their statuettes (what do they hand out, anyway? A giant crystal thumbs-up on a Big Mac base?), and which ones need to be redistributed in an attempt to correct any miscarriages of popular justice.
Gloves On: Presumably tired of doing premium-cable charity work on Damages and Bored to Death, Ted Danson has signed on to replace Laurence Fishburne on CSI, as the leader of a team of graveyard-shift homicide investigators (after Tony Shaloub, Robin Williams and John Lithgow reportedly passed on the part). Let's hope CBS is paying him Ted Danson money. Grade: B+ [Deadline, EW]
Brides Paid: In Bridesmaids, Kristen Wiig poop-joked her way to the best reviews and box office of Judd Apatow's career. Now she's using her clout to make Imogene, a dark-sounding comedy (?), from American Splendor directors Shari Springer Berman and Robert Pulcini, about a playwright who fakes a suicide attempt to win back an ex-boyfriend, but instead winds up in the custody of her gambling-addicted mom. The movie is described as a "passion project" for Wiig, which probably means it will include fewer weddings and diarrhea attacks than her last. Still, we're looking forward to this one. Grade: A [HR]