What could that fan in the first row of a Vince Neil show in New Mexico last weekend possibly have done to cause the water-retaining former Mötley Crüe front man to take an inept swing at him? Reminded Vince that he forgot the words to the third verse of "Kickstart My Heart"? Shouted repeatedly that he was on Team Bret Michaels? Demanded too loudly that Neil only play the solo stuff? (JK, no one's ever asked for that.) Perhaps we'll never know.
Whether you're an ecstatic Giants fan, a bereft New Englander, or one of the seemingly 14 billion Twitter users who announced a total lack of interest in the "Super Game," we can all agree on one thing: Giant corporations spent the GDP of a failing European debtor state on commercials in the hope that people on the Internet would write stories like this one. And so, in fulfillment of our end of the implicit Super Bowl contract with the automobile manufacturers, monolithic breweries, and snack-food concerns who make bathroom breaks nigh impossible (what, you think we're going to pause the DVR and risk falling 30 seconds behind the tweets, you maniacs?), we're going to hand out a bunch of very, very prestigious awards to last night's advertainment spectacles, mostly in hopes this post will go viral and be sponsored by CareerBuilder.com's Depressed Office Monkeys next year.