Variety has sources saying Joaquin Phoenix is being courted as the villain (who is probably Lex Luthor! Who is bald!) for The Film That May One Day Only Formerly Be Known As Batman vs. Superman. "However, it’s very early in the process and even if Warners [sic] offers Phoenix a role, it’s not clear he would accept as the actor has steered clear of big-budget pics in the past few years, leaning towards movies with a more prestige feel," the report reads. Translation: If Joaquin Phoenix actually watches Man of Steel, this news will quickly become invalid. Honestly, after what Zack Snyder did with/to Michael Shannon, we're all obligated to hope Joaquin steers clear.
So Zach Galifianakis called up the Biebs and was all, "Hey, homey, wanna come on my Funny or Die talk show?" And the Biebs was like, "Sounds chill, I'm there." What ensues is a frank and honest discussion about the fear of making shitty music, time travel, and peeing into buckets. And between those two ferns a hard-won, if grudging, mutual respect was achieved. Eventually. Sort of.
In your younger years, you enjoyed The Hangover uncomplicatedly. Then you ended up rewatching it at a friend’s on a slow night and realizing the first joke of the franchise is "Don't text me, it’s gay." Then a new Hangover arrived, same as the old Hangover, only instead of being hostile just to women and married people and old people and gay people, it was especially racist and even more shame-making for anyone who happened to be American.
And now The Hangover Part III arrives, Roman numeral and all. IT ENDS, blare the advertisements insisting on epicness. Jesus, I hope so, part of you growls. Maybe it’ll close on a better note, whispers another part of you, the part that laughed a lot in the theater back in 2009. Both factions of your heart will need support before, and perhaps especially after, seeing this movie; these are the 12 steps you’ll work through while watching the dramatic, almost completely Mike Tyson–less conclusion to Todd Phillips’s trilogy. [Note: There will be spoilers. Be careful out there.]
Zach Galifianakis explained to Conan O'Brien last night why he quit drinking (besides the benefits of a two-ounce weight loss). Crossing the street after a whiskey-soaked evening, Galifianakis made the mistake of clocking the hood of a Jaguar containing "two 6-foot-6 guys — 12-by-12," angering them enough that they exited their vehicle to spit in the comedian's face ("I don't know if you've ever been spit in your face non-sexually"). The beer bottle ZG threw at the retreating car in retaliation missed, fortunately, but he did not thank the whiskey for that. Rude.
So you're minding your own business, just trying to take in the latest installment of "Between Two Ferns," marinating in the faux-discomfort of Zach Galifianakis asking James Franco about the Jimmy Dean between his legs, when all of a sudden they throw to The Lonely Island, which debuts its new single and video right between those very same ferns. Then it gets all Harmony Korine up in there for Spring Break, all giant sombreros and slow-motion, tequila-drenched debauchery, except instead of Franco inventorying his shit and singing Britney Spears at a white piano, he's … well, we won't spoil it for you. And hey, is that Ed … no. No, we're not going to ruin it. You need to come by those unexpected tears honestly.
Zach Galifianakis likes to make people uncomfortable, and he's very skilled at it. Besides two previous hosting gigs (pianos, removal of facial hair and hair-hair), Galifianakis's SNL past includes being thrown out of the audience for trespassing and getting canned after two weeks on the job as a writer, so when he advised the audience not to get their hopes up, it seemed like a suitable enough disclaimer: Galifianakis does what he does; he's unwilling, or possibly unable, to do anything else. His shtick hasn't changed much over the years, but his weirdness has found its place in the temperate tropical breezes between the ferns of time. His most recent turn as host was even better than when he dressed up as Annie and lip-synched to "Tomorrow" in 2010. Like a fine, stocky half-Greek wine, his brand of comedy is aging well, and this was a great episode despite universewide disappointment that Jennifer Aniston was nowhere to be found in the final seconds of her look-alike contest spot. That Vanessa Bayer was such a dead ringer only made it a crueler tease. If you need me, I'll be crying over at Darrell's house where I can re-cut everything with more egg rolls and Aniston.
Just in time for Election Day, here's your chance to watch the Will Ferrell–Zach Galifianakis satire The Campaign in the comfort of your home — the very place where you may have already planned to spend the weekend pondering your political options! To be honest, "satire" is a pretty strong word for The Campaign: Though there is some pretty savage stuff in there about the Koch brothers (extremely thinly veiled versions of whom are played here by Dan Aykroyd and John Lithgow, using their money to influence the titular campaign), most of what happens is pure silliness.
Though I wouldn't put The Campaign in the top tier of Will Ferrell movies, it's a serviceable entry at the level of, let's say, Talladega Nights. What put it over for me was Galifianakis's performance as Marty Huggins, a local boob thrown into the political arena by the wealthy, connected father he's pitifully desperate to please. Marty is basically a sweet idiot who's woefully ill-equipped to handle the effects that a brutal campaign will have on his personal life; if we didn't have the naive Marty to root for, The Campaign might be unwatchable for being too depressingly real.