In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
- The final BCS rankings are out, and LSU and Alabama will meet again for the national championship. And in a world of chaos and confusion, let me be the first to thank the BCS for yet another year of controversy-free rankings that show, without a doubt, that this is the best possible system for determining a champion.
- The no. 3 Oklahoma St. Cowboys fell just short of the title game after winning the Big 12 with an impressive 44-10 result over no. 10 Oklahoma. "I'm just glad we didn't have to prove ourselves in a sloppy, random system like an eight-team elimination playoff," said relieved Oklahoma St. coach Mike Gundy.
- A controversial running into the kicker penalty allowed no. 15 Wisconsin to kill the clock and beat no. 13 Michigan St. 42-39 for the Big Ten championship. "I thought he flopped a little bit," said Michigan State coach Mark Dantonio of the penalty."That's just crazy," responded Wisconsin punter and Italian soccer star Marco Materazzi.
- Tajh Boyd threw for 240 yards and three touchdowns as no. 20 Clemson topped no. 5 Virginia Tech 38-10 to win the ACC Championship. Clemson will now face Big East champion West Virginia in the annual Seriously? Ugh. Bowl sponsored by This Blows.
- Tiger Woods won for the first time in two years, hitting a short putt on the 18th to take the Chevron World Challenge title. Frankly, I'm just glad Woods is back to doing what he does best — pumping his fist after nailing a six-foot bird.
- The glorious Tim Tebow has done it again, leading the Broncos to their fifth-straight victory with a 35-32 comeback win against the Vikings. After defeating what he called "the Norsemen," Tebow told reporters he will now set his sights on other polytheists, such as the ancient Greeks and Native Americans.
- The Green Bay Packers extended their undefeated record to 12-0, using a last-minute drive to beat the Giants 38-35. "He's a great quarterback, but I expect more out of us on defense," Giants defensive end Dave Tollefson said of Aaron Rodgers. "You know, it's not like Jesus in cleats." In response, Jesus told reporters that He knew Tollefson was being rhetorical, but that He would never presume to play the same sport as Tim Tebow.
- Cam Newton broke Steve Grogan's 35-year-old record for most rushing touchdowns by a quarterback on Sunday as the Panthers defeated the Buccaneers 38-19. "I hope he enjoys the record," said Jesus. "Because I have a feeling it won't last long." He then winked at reporters, and was magically wearing a Tebow jersey.
- In a college hoops match-up of top-5 teams, no. 1 Kentucky defeated no. 5 North Carolina 73-72 when Anthony Davis blocked John Henson's jumper with seven seconds remaining. Davis and his Kentucky teammates were so excited about the win that five immediately declared themselves eligible for the NBA draft.
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