In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
- The Giants arrived in Indianapolis for this weekend's Super Bowl, and safety Antrel Rolle said the team is "expecting to win on Sunday." At that exact moment, Tom Brady walked by and whispered, "Game's on Saturday, Einstein." Rolle smiled tightly and told reporters he knew Brady was just messing with him. But when he thought everyone was looking away, he took out his phone and glanced at the calendar. "Yup, just messing with me," he said to himself. "Knew it."
- Bill Belichick told reporters that injured tight end Rob Gronkowski didn't practice on Monday. But that doesn't mean Belichick didn't put him to work — he needed all the cameramen he could get for the Giants' practice that afternoon.
- Another monster jam by Blake Griffin was the highlight of the Clippers' 112-100 win over the Thunder. Scientists scrutinized the immediate aftermath of the dunk in an attempt to find a slight indication that Griffin has a personality, but so far the results have been inconclusive.
- Vince Carter scored 21 points as the defending-champion Dallas Mavericks routed the Suns 122-99. "Vince will be telling his grandkids about this one," said Mavs coach Rick Carlisle. Sure enough, Carter soon exited the locker room to greet his grandchildren and tell them about the game.
- Orlando center Dwight Howard said he is open to the idea of playing with Derrick Rose and the Chicago Bulls. "I'm mostly open to the idea of playing basketball," he clarified, "but hey, this is 2012. If they have some freaky ideas, Dwight's listening."
- No. 4 Missouri survived a road scare at unranked Texas, winning 67-66 when Michael Dixon hit the winning layup with 31 seconds remaining. "It was the damn referees!" said Texas congressman and presidential hopeful Ron Paul. "We don't need them, of course. The players should be left to their own devices. But f---, if they're going to be there, call a f---ing foul, you fat f----s."
- A source has reported that the Colts will hire Arians to coach the offense. I'm sorry if I'm speaking out of turn here, but that kind of racism has no place in the NFL game, and the Colts should be ashamed of themselves. In this day and age, I thought we'd moved past wait, sorry. I'm reading the article now, and yeah, apparently it's former Steelers coordinator Bruce Arians. OK, good. Good work, Colts.
- The Raiders introduced new head coach Dennis Allen to fans and media in Oakland yesterday. Oddly enough, they introduced him as "Sean Payton."
- Sources are reporting that Danica Patrick will have a starting spot in this year's Daytona 500. Unfortunately, because she hasn't come close to earning the spot with her previous race results, she'll be riding one of those plastic orange-and-yellow kid's cars you have to move with your feet.