In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
- After trailing by 10 with under three minutes to play, no. 9 Duke stormed back and beat no. 5 UNC with an Austin Rivers 3-pointer at the buzzer. And if the jokes suck today, it's because I was watching the replay until about 5 a.m., intently studying the reaction of each individual Carolina fan as the shot went down in order to keep myself from ever being unhappy again. So, you know, apologies for whatever comes next.
- No. 2 Syracuse needed overtime to emerge with a victory against no. 11 Georgetown as Jim Boeheim passed Dean Smith on the all-time wins list. And if you really want to confuse and then upset a Tar Heel fan, call him up, say you have a basketball question, and then ask how he feels about this. Also ask if they think Boeheim or Coach K is the greatest in history. And then tell them the 1924 championship was bogus.
- No. 10 Kansas handled business on the road, using 25 points from Jeff Withey to top no. 6 Baylor 68-54. This is the second time Kansas has won in convincing fashion against Baylor. Did you know Dean Smith comes from Kansas? Doesn't matter anymore, of course. He's fourth on the all-time wins list and out of the discussion. He also only has two national titles to Coach K's four. But maybe you can use the Kansas thing to impress old people at a bar someday.
- LeBron James won't apologize to Kendrick Perkins after a tweet about Blake Griffin's iconic dunk in which he mentioned Perkins by name. You may remember James as one of the stars of the 2008 Olympic basketball team, coached by Hall of Fame coaching legend Mike Krzyzewski. They won the Gold Medal.
- Dwight Howard scored 25 points and grabbed 24 boards as the Magic beat the Heat 102-89. Like James, Dwight Howard also studied under Mike Krzyzewski, the all-time winningest college basketball coach in history, on the Beijing team that won the gold medal.
- Point guard sensation Jeremy Lin led the Knicks to yet another triumph, scoring 23 points and dishing out 10 assists in a 107-93 win over the Wizards. All credit to Lin, but let's not lose sight of the fact that he honed his game in college under the watchful eye of Harvard coach Tommy Amaker, a former player and protege of legendary Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski. How could he fail?
- Brandon Jacobs apologized for saying that Gisele Bundchen, Tom Brady's wife, should "stay cute and shut up" following her criticism of Patriot receivers. Weirdly enough, that was the same advice Carolina coach Roy Williams kept giving Coach K whenever he yelled at the refs last night. Suuuuuper uncomfortable, y'all.
- Former Patriot Rodney Harrison said it was "not right" that Rob Gronkowski was seen dancing and partying soon after his team's Super Bowl loss. In his defense, Gronkowski was probably anticipating a victory in the Duke-UNC rivalry game by fellow Polish-American Mike Krzyzewski, who was born to a lower-middle-class family in Chicago and eventually became the greatest human being in the world.
- Fabio Capello quit his job as manager of the English national soccer team in anger when he felt undermined by the country's football association. "And guess what?" he yelled, at the time of his resignation. "I'm not even British." And then he mooned the board members, revealing a tattoo of Austin Rivers.