In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
- Jeremy Lin continued to amaze and electrify, dishing out a career-high 13 assists to go along with 10 points in a 100-85 Knicks win over the Sacramento Kings. After the game, in an attempt to reclaim his status as America's basketball darling, Kings guard Jimmer Fredette released a series of adorable pictures with puppies. I'm not saying it worked, and I'm not saying it didn't work, but I'll trade a "Jimmer With Labradoodle on Sofa" print for anything from the Black Lab Cuddle Sessions.
- Kevin Durant missed three shots in the final 16 seconds and Kevin Martin, inspired by a talk from coach Kevin McHale, scored 32 points as the Rockets beat the Thunder 96-95. The film version of the game, Three Crazy Kevins, One Crazy Night, will star Kevin Hart as Durant, Kevin Costner as McHale, and, unfortunately, Kevin James as Martin.
- In an interview with Stephen A. Smith, Knicks forward Carmelo Anthony said that being accused of selfishness was like "a slap in the face," but that he still wanted to be the man to take the last shot. "Right, right, good for you," an absent-minded Smith said as he doodled on his notepad. A frustrated Anthony snatched the pad away, only to discover several drawings of a shirtless Jeremy Lin fighting what appeared to be a pirate ship full of dragons.
- Tim Tebow has spent the offseason working on his throwing motion with UCLA offensive coordinator Noel Mazzone. The details are secret, but sources report that Mazzone has prepared a series of simple lessons, the first of which is called "Laces: Not Just a Decorative Curiosity."
- Four TCU football players were arrested on drug charges Wednesday in a bust involving 17 students. Unfortunately, this means the players will have to sit out a year due to NCAA transfer rules before suiting up for Les Miles and LSU.
- According to an SI report, Peyton Manning had an undisclosed fourth procedure on his neck sometime last year. I know what you guys are thinking, but don't get too excited — it didn't involve any leeches. Like, not even one. Not a single. F*&$ing. Leech.
- Former Capitals goaltender Olaf Kolzig suggested that Alex Ovechkin’s down year is a result of being too wrapped up in his "rock star status." “I haf even seen heem vearink zee vite vashed dungarees,” said Kolzig, whose idea of rock stardom is very much stuck in the Cold War era. “Next he vill be havink zee boombox on hees shoulder, no?”
- The New Mexico Lobos pulled off a road upset behind Drew Gordon's 17 points and 17 rebounds, beating no. 15 San Diego State 77-67. They also maintained their status as the best college team named after Rebecca Lobo, staying slightly ahead of the Wyoming State Rebeccas.
- New Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine said that some players haven't enjoyed his rigorous spring training regimen. The loudest complaints so far have come from Jonathan Papelbon, who hates the part of the workout where you go to Philadelphia.