In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
- Texas starter C.J. Wilson told reporters he hated pitching in Oakland because the "mound sucks" and the "fans suck." The Oakland fans didn't respond to the dig, but the mound wrote a scathing letter to Wilson, calling him a "scoundrel and a brigand."
- After trailing 6-0, the Phillies mounted a comeback and beat the Los Angeles Dodgers, 9-8 to sweep the series. Despite their ineptitude, the Dodgers are being lauded in some corners as "fun." In related news, the stock market crash is whimsical, and the London riots are a quaint romp through historic Britain.
- Jurgen Klinsmann made his coaching debut for the U.S. men's soccer national team with a 1-1 draw against Mexico. Before the match, he removed all names from the backs of the U.S team’s jerseys to show that representing America was all that mattered. As of press time, nobody was sure who scored the team's only goal.
- Dan Uggla's hitting streak is now at 31 games, and the Atlanta Braves beat the Florida Marlins, 6-2. If you're keeping track at home, I will have to make 26 more jokes about Dan Uggla if he breaks Joe DiMaggio's record. It could be a long haul, so today I'm taking a day off and just linking to a video of him getting nailed with a foul ball. If you watch it 10 times in a row, it's the equivalent of a mediocre joke.
- The pressure of an NCAA investigation led Boise State to fire athletic director Gene Bleymaier. Football violations put the spotlight on Bleymaier, who campaigned for his job last week without success. When he heard the news, he immediately painted his entire body blue and hid on Boise State's 50-yard line, where Idaho police found him with infrared helicopter radar a few hours later.
- Curtis Granderson hit two home runs and Ivan Nova threw six solid innings in a 9-3 Yankees win over the Angels. Only hours after the game ended, troubled Yankees starter A.J. Burnett was spotted sprawled out naked in a T.G.I. Friday's booth in Queens, ranting incoherently.
- Texas A&M is in discussions with the SEC to possibly join the conference. University president R. Bowen Loftin confirmed the rumor in a statement, saying the school is "tired of winning football games."
- The NCAA sent a letter to Ohio State indicating that it is still investigating the school for potential problems in its football program. In a really shortsighted move, Ohio State’s staff recycled the envelope to send 3 million dollars to Terrelle Pryor.
- Tampa Bay's Sam Fuld hit a two-out triple in the bottom of the ninth and scored on a throwing error to give the Rays a wild
7-68-7 win over the Royals. In an attempt to put a positive spin on the loss, the Royals PR staff told fans they should always watch the team's highlights to "Yakety Sax."
- Josh Collmenter lasted seven innings as the Arizona Diamondbacks beat the Houston Astros, 6-3. The D-backs took over the NL West lead when the Giants dropped down for the first time since June 25. "We were all pumped up after Father's Day," said San Francisco manager Bruce Bochy. "But International Friendship Day really brought us down last weekend."
Contact us at email@example.com