- The Georgetown Hoyas brawled with a Chinese professional team in Beijing Thursday, and the exhibition game ended when Georgetown coach John Thompson III took his team off the court in the fourth quarter. Before the contest ended in a 64-64 tie, the Chinese team had shot 57 free throws to Georgetown's 15. Which is really strange, because communist nations are not known for institutional cheating in international athletic competition.
- The first team from Montana to ever make the Little League World Series won its first game in Williamsport. Montana manager Gene Carlson says the team owes its success to hard work, old-fashioned American grit, and the fact that all the players are in their early '30s.
- A pitcher's duel between Tim Lincecum and Mike Minor ended in a 1-0 Braves victory over the Giants. San Francisco has now scored just 14 more runs on the season than the Seattle Mariners, which led to a depressing incident when the over-eager Mariners invited the Giants to sit at their lunch table in front of everyone.
- Colorado Rockies minor leaguer Mike Jacobs became the first North American athlete to ever test positive for human growth hormone. Jacobs was not available for comment, but reports indicate that when it was time to be drug tested, he made the crucial mistake of using Mark McGwire's
- CC Sabathia struck out nine and earned his 17th win, propelling the Yankees over the Twins 8-4. In related news, A-Rod could return to the Yankee lineup as early as Saturday. Baseball fans across the nation were grateful for the news, because they'd kind of forgotten to hate the Yankees for a few days there.
- Nevin Shapiro, the booster who treated Miami football players to millions of dollars in illegal gifts, reportedly put a $5,000 bounty on Tim Tebow's head when the schools played in 2008. When Tebow was told of the bounty, he forgave them, for they knew not what they did.
- The NFL ruled that Terrelle Pryor is eligible for next week's supplemental draft, though he will have to sit out five games once he's signed. The suspension wasn't a punishment, though; the NFL just wanted his first pro experience to be comfortably similar to his time at Ohio State.
- John Mayberry Jr.'s tw0-run homer led the Phillies to a 4-1 win against the Diamondbacks. A thunderstorm delayed the game for more than two hours after the third inning, which experts believe to be the latest example of God wanting the Phillies to lose.
- The Angels beat the Rangers 2-1 on Mark Trumbo's walk-off home run. The win prevented a four-game Rangers series sweep, and gave the Angels some momentum going into their weekend series against Baltimore. "Momentum's a great thing to have," said Angels manager Mike Scioscia. "Even if we'll only need opposable thumbs to beat the Orioles."
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