In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
- Nick Swisher broke R.A. Dickey's long scoreless streak with a three-run homer, and Robinson Cano hit the game-winning solo shot in the eighth as the Yankees beat the Mets 6-5 to win the Subway Series. The victory gives the Yankees legal control of New York's subway system, but manager Joe Girardi said they may still let the Mets and their fans use the 7 train to Citi Field. "Ehhh," said former pitcher John Rocker, "I wouldn't do that. For a couple reasons "
- After 953 games and two World Series titles, Kevin Youkilis hit a triple in his final Red Sox at-bat before being traded to the White Sox Sunday. After the game, an angry Youkilis could be found at the buffet, loading cold cuts and cucumber salad into a large Tupperware container. "Hell if I'm leaving empty-handed," he grumbled.
- Zack Greinke and Chris Sale combined for 17 shutout innings Friday night in a game that remained scoreless until a 10th-inning Rickie Weeks single gave the Brewers a 1-0 win over the White Sox. Afterward, White Sox manager Robin Ventura urged his players to enjoy the postgame quiet, saying it would be their last chance before Youkilis arrived with his steady stream of disgusting anecdotes that all end with him dropping his pants and shouting, "BA-BA-BA-BANNNGGGGG!"
- The Italian national team advanced to the Euro 2012 semifinals, dominating 120 minutes of scoreless play before finally beating England 4-2 in penalty kicks. Over the course of the match, nine Italian players were listed in critical condition before being healed by the magical soccer stretcher.
- Clint Bowyer earned his first win of the NASCAR season, outdueling Kurt Busch over the final laps at the Sonoma road course. It was a rare double victory for Bowyer, who also won the popular deer-dodging event on Saturday, successfully dodging 16 of 20 live deer released onto the Sonoma roads.
- At the U.S. Olympic trials, Justin Gatlin took first in the 100 meter finals, narrowly edging out Tyson Gay. For the sixth straight trials, Jeffrey Lionel "Maniac" Magee came in dead last after attempting to finish the race running backward.
- The third and final Olympic spot in the women's 100-meter event may be determined by a coin flip or a one-on-one runoff after Allyson Felix and Jeneba Tarmoh finished in a dead heat. "Either way," said Felix, flashing a sinister grin, "I call heads." As of press time, Tarmoh was still desperately trying to figure out what she meant.
- Marc Leishman shot a final-round 62 to earn the first PGA Tour victory of his career, winning the Travelers Championship by a single stroke over Charley Hoffman and Bubba Watson. Is it just me, or is it kinda weird that the top three finishers all have "man" at the end of their last name? Leishman, Hoffman, Wats— oh, never mind.
- Saints linebacker and players union representative Scott Fujita called the bounty probe a "smear campaign," and said the NFL has "very little regard for the truth." In response, commissioner Roger Goodell said Fujita is a "known sex offender" and that "antelopes are the largest animal."