In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
- Trailing 3-1 in the ninth, the Oakland A's saved their season with two straight hits — a two-run RBI double by Seth Smith and a walk-off single by Coco Crisp — in a 4-3 win over the Tigers that forced a deciding Game 5. "Huge hits," said a smiling Seth Smith. "Super smashes," said a convivial Coco Crisp. "Awesome alliteration," said a beaming Billy Beane. "Really good stuff, big win," said right-fielder Josh Reddick, drawing uncomfortable stares from the others. "You guys are really f---ing creepy," he said, backing toward the door.
- Yankees manager Joe Girardi made the brave call of pinch-hitting for a struggling Alex Rodriguez in the ninth, and Raul Ibanez delivered with a game-tying home run and a walk-off homer in the 12th to give the Yankees a 3-2 win over the Orioles and a 2-1 lead in the ALDS. "I had to go with my gut," said Girardi, who was forced to spend the night on his couch while his statistical binder sobbed in the bedroom, crying, "betrayal! Betrayyyyallllll!"
- In only his fourth start of 2012, 37-year-old Chris Carpenter shut down the Nationals through 5.2 scoreless innings in an 8-0 Cardinals win that put the defending champs up 2-1 in their divisional series. And now, Terrence the Grantland Robot: "THE LAST TIME I SAW A CARPENTER THIS EFFECTIVE HE WAS WALKING ON WATER AND COMPLAINING ABOUT ROMANS, AM I RIGHT? OKAY SO I PROPOSED TO MY GIRLFRIEND PENNY AND SHE SAID SHE HAD TO THINK ABOUT IT. IS THAT A GOOD THING? I CANNOT TELL IF IT IS GOOD OR NOT. I MEAN I AM ALL FOR THINKING, UNLIKE MOST ROBOTS, BUT IF SHE KNEW WOULD NOT SHE JUST HAVE SAID YES? IF YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW, DO YOU NOT?
- The Giants used home runs by Angel Pagan, Gregor Blanco, and Pablo Sandoval, along with a strong relief stint from Tim Lincecum, to beat the Reds 8-3 and force Game 5 in the NLDS. The game was delayed for 20 minutes in the sixth when Lincecum sat down on the mound and had a long conversation with the rosin bag. "What if you're the pitcher, and I'm the rosin bag?" Lincecum asked, just before curling into a ball and rolling to the back of the mound while he watched to see if the rosin bag would pitch.
- At Lance Armstrong's request, the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency released the names of 26 witnesses who testified against him during the investigation, including 11 former teammates. After the announcement, Armstrong retreated to his dark garage. "You're the only one who never turned on me," he said to his bike, unscrewing the seat seductively.
- The NHL player's union is composing a proposal as talks resume between the two sides on the 25th day of the lockout. Sources say the proposal is written in crayon, and is loosely about a new "kickass ice rink" that's shaped like a star and has lasers.
- The Red Sox will interview Dodgers third base coach Tim Wallach for the open manager position later this week. Sources report that Wallach plans to wave his left and point to the side to signal "next question" when he doesn't like what he hears, and put both hands up in a stopping motion when he plans to answer one.
- Texas sophomore guard Myck Kabongo is under investigation for possibly being in illegal contact with NBA agent Rich Paul, who also represents LeBron James. He's also under investigation by me for not having a vowel in his first name, but all I can do is make angry phone calls and try not to get too furious at his stupid "y is a vowel in that case" argument. BUT I FAIL! I FAIL NOT TO GET TOO FURIOUS, BECAUSE Y IS NOT A VOWEL IN THE MIDDLE OF A WORD!
- Browns linebacker Scott Fujita, whose bounty-related suspension from his time with the Saints was reduced from three games to one, said Roger Goodell is abusing his power as commissioner and that he will appeal even the reduced sentence. When he made the announcement, more than 30 Browns players approached him within an hour, offering to serve the suspension for him.