In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Thursday.
- The Falcons intercepted Drew Brees five times and ended his record streak of 54 straight games with a touchdown pass in a 23-13 win over the Saints. In a weird coincidence, popular rabbi Andrew Altman, a.k.a. "Drew Briss," also had his own streak — 54 straight successful outdoor circumcisions — snapped by a falcon yesterday.
- Eric Atkins led Notre Dame with 16 points as the unranked Irish beat no. 8 Kentucky 64-50 in South Bend. Wildcats coach John Calipari said his team may have been intimidated by the aura of Notre Dame's campus, including the famous "Downtown Jesus," a huge statue of Jesus Christ giving the "three goggles" gesture just outside the basketball arena.
- A late 3-pointer by Ray Allen gave the Miami Heat a 105-100 win against a Spurs team playing without Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili, or Tony Parker. Apparently all three players were so overwhelmed by Florida's senior citizen discounts that they overstuffed themselves during their 4 p.m. meal and were sleeping in recliners by game time. Because they're all old, guys. That's the joke.
- Michael Frazier was one of six Florida players in double figures, scoring 16 points as the no. 7 Gators routed Marquette 82-49. After the game, head coach Billy Donovan received a congratulatory call from Florida alum Tim Tebow. "I've got tingles right now," said Donovan, when he hung up. "I'm just tingling all over. And I think I might be aroused."
- Celtics guard Rajon Rondo received a two-game suspension for instigating a fight with Brooklyn's Kris Humphries in Wednesday's game. Rondo told reporters he will spend the time mostly staring at things and people.
- Playing with a broken wrist and a bruised ankle, Teddy Bridgewater threw two second-half touchdowns to lead Louisville to a 20-17 win over Rutgers and a probable berth in a BCS bowl game. Not to be outdone, Rutgers coach Kyle Flood sent out backup center Daffy Carille, who suffers from Instant Concussion Syndrome (ICS), and had him run head-first into the line on several third-and-short plays in a misguided attempt to inspire his team.
- The NCAA granted Georgia Tech a waiver to play in a bowl game even if they lose to Florida State in the ACC championship game and finish with a 6-7 record. This was a great relief to millions of football fans across the nation, who are clamoring for another chance to watch the Yellow Jackets' exciting triple-option offense just one more time before settling in for a long winter.
- A federal mediator was unable to help NHL owners reach a compromise with the players' union after a second straight day of negotiations. When he failed, the players were surprised to see a poorly disguised Ben Affleck enter the building pretending to be a location scout for a film about hockey negotiations, and then asking them to sign "waivers" as the owners looked anxiously on.
- A Texas high school student who had an image of Johnny "Football" Manziel cut into his hair was placed in a special part of the school where he couldn't distract the other students. A second student who came into school with A.J. McCarron's face in his hair was allowed to remain is his classroom, but was told by teachers to "quit being such a narc."