It's time again for the most important weekly feature on the Internet: Fantasy Fantasy Football. Throughout the NFL season, we'll be evaluating five fantasy football gurus as they tell us who to start and sit each week. Using a highly flawed method based loosely on mathematical principles, we'll attempt to reveal the one true football prophet. (Here's how it works: A pick counts in their favor if he ends up in the top half of the weekly scoring leaders. There are four categories — QBs, RBs, WRs, Defense/Special Teams — and points are awarded on a 5-1 scale in each.) The experts are:
*As usual, we'll be taking the first five picks only from Harmon and Mack to balance the numbers.
Weekly Results and Winners
Fantasy Fantasy Football Fantasy of the Week
Matthew Berry and I are on the same team in the Super Bowl. It's late in the fourth quarter, and we're down two points. We drive to the 20-yard line, but when we look to the sideline our field goal kicker is in the fetal position. He's already missed one from 34, and now he's refusing to kick the game-winner. There’s 10 seconds left, and he's not an option. In the huddle, Berry tells me to drop back 10 yards for the snap. "Why so far?" I ask. He smiles. "Flutie." "Flutie?" I ask. "Flutie," he repeats. And then I get it. Flutie. I take the snap, the defense drops back in coverage, and I let the ball fall to the ground. As it hits the turf, I kick it on the hop and send it soaring through the uprights. A drop kick! Three points! Victory! Time expires as our fans rush down from the stands. Immediately, a thousand beautiful women run on the field to congratulate me. Berry points at me once, smiles, and walks off into the sunset.
This week, the Berry man can. And could. And did. It was a mediocre showing all around, actually, but ESPN's own MB did enough to earn the tie with Michael Fabiano for first place. And he did it while choosing only three failures, which, let's face it, is the easier task. Fabiano made his hay in the flop department, while the Eisenberg slump continues.
4.5 points: Matthew Berry
Yes: Philip Rivers, Eli Manning, Michael Vick, Matthew Stafford, Cam Newton, Kevin Kolb = 4/6
No: Matt Ryan, Ben Roethlisberger, Josh Freeman = 1/3
4.5 points: Michael Fabiano
Yes: Ryan Fitzpatrick, Newton, Matt Schaub, Ryan = 2/4
No: Sam Bradford, Freeman, Matt Hasselbeck, Kolb, Joe Flacco = 3/5
3 points: Mike Harmon
Yes: Manning, Schaub, Jay Cutler, Rex Grossman, Ryan = 2/5
No: Freeman, Kolb, Newton, Bradford = 2/4
2 points: Eric Mack
Yes: Stafford, Vick, Cutler, Tony Romo, Roethlisberger = 2/5
No: Newton, Bradford = 1/2
1 point: Jamey Eisenberg
Yes: Newton, Manning, Roethlisberger, Romo, Grossman = 3/5
No: Ryan, Hasselbeck, Colt McCoy, Flacco, Freeman = 1/5
Fabiano registers his second straight win, just a trace ahead of Berry, with a perfect 5/5 on the negative side of the RBs.
5 points: Fabiano
Yes: Fred Jackson, Tim Hightower, Ryan Mathews, Cedric Benson = 2/4
No: Felix Jones, Ben Tate, Knowshon Moreno, Mark Ingram, DeAngelo Williams = 5/5
4 points: Berry
Yes: Mathews, Benson, Darren Sproles, Frank Gore = 3/4
No: Chris Johnson, Jahvid Best, Williams, Beanie Wells = 2/4
3 points: Mack
Yes: Best, Felix Jones, Rashard Mendenhall, LeSean McCoy, Gore = 1/5
No: Williams, Tate, Pierre Thomas, Bernard Scott, Thomas Jones = 5/5
1.5 points: Eisenberg
Yes: Steven Jackson, Hightower, James Starks, Benson, Joseph Addai = 1/5
No: Tate, Shonn Greene, Thomas Jones, DeAngelo Williams, Willis McGahee = 4/5
1.5 point: Harmon
Yes: Ahmad Bradshaw, LeGarrette Blount, Mathews, Best, Tim Hightower = 2/5
No: Peyton Hillis, McGahee, Greene, Wells, Ingram = 3/5
Mack takes first place with the best individual receiver round to date. Meanwhile, Fabiano extends his lead on Berry with a second-place finish and looks like the favorite to win his first week.
5 points: Mack
Yes: Calvin Johnson, Dez Bryant, Steve Smith, DeSean Jackson, Lance Moore = 4/5
No: Michael Crabtree, David Nelson, Mohamed Massaquoi, Victor Cruz, Donald Driver = 5/5
4 points: Fabiano
Yes: Hakeem Nicks, Jackson, Santonio Holmes, Santana Moss, Percy Harvin = 2/5
No: Dwayne Bowe, Anquan Boldin, Mike Williams, Sidney Rice, Nate Washington = 3/5
3 points: Eisenberg
Yes: Holmes, Reggie Wayne, Bryant, Lance Moore, Denarius Moore = 1/5
No: Boldin, Brandon Lloyd, Chad Ochocinco, Mike Sims-Walker, Rice = 3/5
2 points: Berry
Yes: Jackson, Williams, Nelson, Eric Decker, Michael Jenkins = 2/5
No: Lloyd, Julio Jones, Davone Bess = 1/3
1 point: Harmon
Yes: Bowe, Lance Moore, Washington, Smith, Moss = 2/5
No: Marshall, Williams, Wayne, Lloyd = 1/4
Not content to rest on his laurels, Fabiano goes out with a bang, earning 18.5 points.
5 points: Fabiano
Yes: Falcons, Redskins, Buccaneers = 2/3
No: Patriots, 49ers, Cowboys = 3/3
4 points: Harmon
Yes: Redskins, Saints, Titans, Buccaneers, Colts = 4/5
No: Texans, Falcons = 1/2
3 points: Eisenberg
Yes: Saints = 1/1
No: Cowboys = 1/1
2 points: Berry
Yes: Texans = 1/1
1 point: Mack
Yes: Falcons, Giants, Packers, Patriots = 2/4
No: Lions, Cowboys, 49ers = 2/3
With Fabiano's win, every expert has now won at least one week (Berry & Eisenberg tied in Week One). What symmetry!
1. Fabiano — 18.5 points
2. Berry — 12.5 points
3. Mack — 11 points
4. Harmon — 9.5 points
4. Eisenberg — 8.5 points
Mack retains his overall lead, just barely.
1. Mack — 52.5
2. Fabiano — 52
3. Berry — 50
4. Harmon — 43.5
5. Eisenberg — 41.5
Until next week.
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