|GRANTLAND.com: The Triangle|
Really into this goal by Spain winger Jesus Navas against Croatia in Euro 2012. He goes FULL YOLO. Who cares if it's an open net? He absolutely roofs it. As he should! You don't get that many opportunities to play in front of an audience that big. Especially if you're Jesus Navas, who once suffered from anxiety issues that were so severe they prevented him from traveling extensively with the Spanish national team. It's great to see him so confidently smash the daylights out of the ball in front of an international audience. Also? He kind of looks like the kid from Real Genius.2. Mario Chalmers: Nothing But Love
Good on Mario Chalmers. Being a Mizzou grad, I never really did like the guy, but considering all of his recent trauma, I felt a bit obligated to swallow the bile and wish him the best. At this point, it feels like Mario is that really bad kid on your Little League team with the cringe-worthy, overbearing dad. Every time he’s up, you just pray he closes his eyes, swings as hard as he can, and miraculously gets it out of the infield. You wouldn’t want LeBron projecting all of his failures onto you, would ya?
This one puts the "rank" in Rankonia. I nominate the guy working in the YES Network graphics department responsible for creating this masterpiece. How else would we know that The Amazing Spider-Man in 3-D premieres July 3 if an animated image didn't shoot out of CC Sabathia's rectum? Funny — a few months ago when I read CC's weight-loss tips in Men's Health News I don't remember anything about hiding a hologram of the web-slinger in his bowels. Well done, graphics dude. If this were 15 years ago this single clip would've earned you a spot alongside me and eight other fart-joke loving idiots on the Man Show writing staff.
R.A. Dickey: Your argument is invalid.5. Patrik Elias: Finders, Keepers
I nominate Patrik Elias of the New Jersey Devils, who stands accused of stealing the puck immediately after the Kings' Cup-clinching victory last week.
Now, I don’t know if he’s guilty or not, and since this is the Internet I can just pass on the scandalous accusation with some vague disclaimers tacked on about “allegedly” that nobody will bother to read. But I want him to be guilty, because stealing the winning team’s puck is just a fantastic jerk move. After all, Chris Pronger basically invented it.
In the world of passive-aggressive responses to a hockey loss, “stealing the Cup-winning puck” is basically “body-check your opponent as many times as you can after he scores a goal in NHL '94” to the power of a million.
I’m pretty sure he meant “bear,” but with the Nationals in first place, I think you get the drift.
Nominating Mike Dunlap, former "associate" coach (is that a real title?) at my precious St. John's hoops program, recently hired away to shepherd MJ's LOLCats from the dank basement in Charlotte to the great glory of fewer Ping-Pong balls at next year's lottery. Enjoy Ty Thomas, Mike!
"La da da da da, here I am, just being a line judge, doing my line judge things, always pleasant spending time in London, the sun shining, double decker buses and whatnot, might get Llewellyn a Big Ben cap for his birthday, it's coming up you know, got to make a note of OH AAAAH OW HOLY CRAP MY SHIN OUCH WHY DID YOU DO IT DAVID NALBANDIAN THAT'S OH OUCH CRAP I'M BLEEDING I'M BLEEDING I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS NALBANDIAN WHY WHY WHYYYYYYYYYY."