Bill calls Joe House to talk NBA playoffs, then Andy Greenwald joins to talk Game of Thrones.
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Chris Ryan: Andy, we now interrupt our decade-long reenactment of the gas station scene from No Country for Old Men — wherein we are the old man behind the counter and life is played by Javier Bardem, who tells us to call it in the air before it shoots us in the head with a captive bolt pistol — to talk about Andy Reid, the Philadelphia Eagles, and personal accountability.
Look, I admire taking responsibility for a mistake as much as the next guy who may or may not have knocked the side mirror off a Volvo in a Grand Union parking lot in Waitsfield, Vermont, in 1992 with his mother's Toyota Corolla and not left a note. Hypothetically. I think it was General George Custer who once said, "Oof, my bad, dog. This one is on me." But is there a point where taking an L actually ... shirks responsibility? Is saying something is your fault actually different from taking the blame?
Baseball is the most cinematic of our major sports but it rarely follows a script. With dozens of individual matchups, hundreds of pitches, and countless loogies, the national pastime lacks the simple, dependable narrative thrust of Montana-to-Rice or Paul-to-Griffin. Like a Bourne sequel, you sort of have to find the story in the editing room.
Because I am an American, one of my favorite scenes in cinema history occurs about a quarter of the way through Old School. At a fratty party at his friend’s house, newlywed Frank Ricard (Will Ferrell) is waylaid in the kitchen by some young scholars. After boring them to near tears with his disquisitions on the “pretty nice little Saturday” he and his wife have planned (“Maybe Bed, Bath and Beyond. I don’t know. I don’t know if we’ll have enough time”), his underage interlocutors exchange a look, then, quite rightly, offer Frank the receiving end of a beer bong. Frank demurs, but only momentarily. I think we all know what happens next.
This quick escalation from staid, conservative moderation to drunken debauchery should be familiar to any fan of the Philadelphia Phillies. Until five years ago, we were a downcast lot, conditioned to an unloved life of failure and mediocrity. The team was always rebuilding, but nothing was ever built. We were content to cheer for Rico Brogna and eat at the Olive Garden. Yet one improbable run to the playoffs and an even more improbable world championship later, we found ourselves fat, drunk, and happy. A coterie of homegrown, lovable stars had suddenly coalesced into exactly the sort of successful nucleus that seemed only to happen in other, less self-loathing cities. These were the good times, and the team — and its suddenly ascendent fan base — spent the ensuing seasons streaking through the National League. The line of free agents hoping to pledge membership snaked all the way to the Jersey Shore and, desperate to avoid a comedown, Ruben “The Godfather” Amaro Jr. started handing out nine-figure contracts like Jell-O shots. That’s the thing about success: it’s so good when it hits your lips!
It's a baseball and Batman podcast, now with extra controversy. Jonah Keri and SB Nation's Rob Neyer unpack the baseball trade deadline, tackling some of the biggest moves and non-moves of the past 48 hours. How much help did the Dodgers and Giants really get in Shane Victorino and Hunter Pence? Are we sleeping on a really good Braves team? Are the Nationals vulnerable? Are the Reds the best team in the National League? In the battle of Rangers vs. Angels, who will prevail? Grantland's Andy Greenwald then stops by for some much-needed Phillies nostalgia. With Victorino and Pence gone, how's die-hard Phils fan Andy feeling about the team's new era? And how should we remember the Phillies' dominance of 2007-11?
Then, the gloves come off: The Dark Knight vs. The Dark Knight Rises ... who ya got? We nerd our way through both flicks, deride the Harvey Dent plotline, weigh in on Maggie Gyllenhaal as a source of undying love, praise loud explosions, and finally render a verdict on TDK vs. TDKR and, more broadly, on how we watch movies.
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1. Jesus Navas: Making the Most of an Opportunity
Jesus Navas gets the top spot this week, thanks to a nomination from Triangle editor Chris Ryan. Says Ryan:
Really into this goal by Spain winger Jesus Navas against Croatia in Euro 2012. He goes FULL YOLO. Who cares if it's an open net? He absolutely roofs it. As he should! You don't get that many opportunities to play in front of an audience that big. Especially if you're Jesus Navas, who once suffered from anxiety issues that were so severe they prevented him from traveling extensively with the Spanish national team. It's great to see him so confidently smash the daylights out of the ball in front of an international audience. Also? He kind of looks like the kid from Real Genius.
1. Sergio Agüero: The Quiet Neighbor
Triangle Blog Brother/Rankonia Writer Emeritus Chris Ryan nominates Agüero, who is this week’s hero:
"Are we underrating Sergio Agüero? He isn't as prone to fireworks or setting off fireworks as Mario Balotelli and he doesn't have a deep, unquenchable love of golf like Carlos Tévez, he just scores goals. Alex Ferguson called Manchester City the noisy neighbors. But the only time there is a noise surrounding the Argentine, nicknamed "Kun"
(King), is when he scores. And what a sound he created Sunday.
1. Chris Paul: !!!!!
Chris Paul! Unstoppable! Unforgettable! Probably some other "Un-s", too! Chris Ryan, whom you might remember as your regular Rankonia writer, nominates our hometown hero for this week's top spot:
"I've watched every minute of the Grizzlies-Clippers series. I've seen Tony Allen try to stop Chris Paul. I've seen Mike Conley, Jr. try to stop Chris Paul. I've seen Allen, Rudy Gay, and Marc Gasol try to stop Chris Paul together. I've seen O.J. Mayo try to stop Chris Paul for 90 feet and I've seen Quincy Pondexter try to stop him at the last second. It just doesn't matter. I don't think I ever really knew what it meant for an athlete to be unstoppable until I saw Chris Paul play basketball in the fourth quarter and overtime. Now that I do, I certainly won't forget it."
New Englanders may feel as if they’re crunching on shells today, but they’ll always have Manhattan. Clam Chowder, that is. As the morning — and its attendant beery hangover — breaks on the day after the Super Bowl, it might be nice for those gloomy souls in Beantown to reflect on the one area in which they still hold an insurmountable edge over New York: soup.
Chris Ryan: Andy! Last time I saw you it was early October, and you were in the back of a Chevy, lying in the fetal position, bleeding from your stomach (emotionally), and I was driving, trying to save you, screaming, "YOU'RE GONNA BE OK! YOU'RE GONNA BE OOKKKK!" The Phillies had just lost to the Cardinals, Ryan Howard had blown out his Achilles, and you were just a wreck.
After a riotous first day of the Souper Bowl — complete with buzzer-beaters, shocking upsets, and rampant allegations of MSG abuse — Day 2 of the Souper Bowl was a relatively staid affair. Which isn’t to say it was dull! Riding a dominant performance from its star player, Star Anise, top-seed Pho handily devoured its weak first-round opponent, Manhattan Clam Chowder (truly the Gerald Wilkins to New England’s delicious Dominique). And, in a matchup both Jay Bilas and Alton Brown found “appetizing,” 3-seed Wonton earned its pre-tourney (and pre-meal) hype by delivering a surprisingly decisive smackdown to Butternut Squash. (Despite being known as a cold-weather team, experts report that Butternut Squash “looked a little heavy” out there.)
This morning, Grantland investigative journalist Andy Greenwald spotted Ricky Rubio in an L.A. Starbucks. Rubio was eating a fruit salad alone, Greenwald reports. Riveting stuff. Anyway, because apparently, this is what we do now, intrepid Grantland stalker Chris Ryan then stole Rubio's Starbucks cup. (But is it really stealing if it was trash? This is probably a debate for another time.)
As of press time, the whereabouts of Rubio's fruit salad are unknown.
So, what's up, Ricky Rubio! Is it weird that we took a picture of your old Starbucks cup? Does anyone else want this thing? Because I feel kind of dumb keeping it on my desk, but it's MEMORABILIA now. Should we put this on eBay? Also, sorry to my mom. I now regret not changing my diet of Excedrin and Chex Mix. I'll get on that next week.
We look forward to your call, Pulitzer committee.
