When Nick Saban and Will Muschamp get into a pissing match, there’s only one thing to do: Call Paul Finebaum and wait on hold. But in this case, we’ve got to do more, because Saban vs. Muschamp points out a sneaky flaw in the upcoming college football playoff. Call it the loser’s advantage.

Here’s what happened: Florida, which plays in the SEC East, is 11-1. Georgia, which also plays in the SEC East, is 11-1. In October, Georgia beat Florida, so the Bulldogs won the division and will play Alabama in Saturday’s conference championship game.

Advantage, Dawgs, right? This year, that’s true. Bama-Georgia is a mini-playoff for a shot at Notre Dame. But what if this game were taking place in 2014, when we’ll have a four-team playoff? The Bama-Georgia winner would definitely snag a spot in the playoff. And Florida, at 11-1, would also snag one. But the Bama-Georgia loser would be eliminated. Meaning, by virtue of losing their division and skipping a tough 13th game, the Gators would get a leg up. That’s the loser’s advantage.

Despite Alabama's loss to last year's Big 12 also-ran Texas A&M, reports of the SEC's death are greatly exaggerated. And entirely premature. That conference is like the sunrise. You can't stop it.

From a statistical standpoint, there is only a 1-in-7 shot that all three of the remaining unbeatens in college football — Notre Dame, Oregon, and Kansas State — finish the regular season without a loss.

People freaking out that a 12-0 Notre Dame might not play for a national championship are having the wrong nervous breakdown. Those people should have the heebies and/or jeebies about either of the SEC teams in the current BCS top five (Alabama and Georgia) ending up in Miami. Historically speaking, it's not at all unlikely that multiple teams near the top of the polls still lose. Should that happen, and should the SEC step its way into another title game, it might also be totally undeserved.

If you’re following the election, you’ve probably noticed a shooting war involving Nate Silver, whom sportswriting lost to politics back in 2008. The issue at stake is similar to the one sportswriters slogged through around the time of Moneyball — namely, how much faith you should put in stats and how much in your lying eyes.

I’m not reopening that can of worms. I’m opening a new can of worms. Since the dawn of the BCS, one of the favorite targets of BCS critics has been the computers. The computer rankings, critics say, are junk. They’re tools of the BCS. There’s a mountain of evidence that this is right. But what I fear is that criticism of specific BCS computer rankings is starting to shade into more generalized statistics-bashing. College football is close to declaring war on math.

I have an admission to make: Several times this season I've tried to watch Alabama play an entire game, and each time I've failed. Sure, I’ve watched quarters of football here and there — the bludgeoning of Michigan, the decimation of Arkansas, and the tidy strangulations of Mississippi State and Tennessee. But watching this team methodically squeeze the life out of opponents is similar to what I imagine it’s like to play against it — occasionally awe-inspiring, but somewhat exhausting. That was again the case until the waning moments of Saturday’s comeback victory against LSU.

For much of the night, Alabama had been outplayed. LSU's offense, which looked flat-out dysfunctional for much of the year, absolutely took it to Alabama's vaunted defense. The Tiger passing attack, in particular, went from awful in previous games — against Florida, South Carolina, and Texas A&M Zach Mettenberger had completion percentages of 44, 48, and 37.9 — to something resembling the Montana–to–Jerry Rice 49ers, hooking up on 25 of 36 passes for 296 yards and a touchdown. The Tigers defense played a stout game as well. Before going 4-for-5 on the final drive, Alabama quarterback AJ McCarron was 1-of-7 for seven yards in the second half.

The Tide’s trademark slow suffocation was being used against them. But down just three late in the fourth quarter, there was still enough time for one of those awe-inspiring moments. Games like that can't be reduced to just one play, but if it was going to be, oh what a play it was. AJ McCarron's screen-pass flip to T.J. Yeldon — who took it the remaining 28 yards to the end zone for the game-winning score — already has its place in football history, known simply as "AJ to T.J."

If you watch college football on TV, you find yourself watching commercials for Aflac, Home Depot, and … colleges. Ads for the University of Texas say, “What starts here changes the world.” Ads for Texas Tech say, “From here, it’s possible.” The former is a boast, while the latter is more of a timid suggestion. I can’t think of a better way to explain the difference between Texas and Texas Tech.

Before we dive into the aesthetics of college ads, which are called “institutionals,” we should note that these things are weird for a couple reasons. First, what’s the point? They’re plopped in the middle of a game — as mandated by the conference TV deal — to prove that there’s a university attached to the football program. “It’s coeds, cellos, and sports,” an ad executive told the Wall Street Journal’s Darren Everson. Essentially, the school is reminding us, “We put the ‘student’ in student-athlete,” and it makes that label look like even more of a crock.

The other weird thing is that the football game is often a better ad for a college than the actual ad. Alabama’s CBS telecasts have slick graphics, “honey shots” of the cheerleaders, and Verne Lundquist. Alabama’s TV ad has a bunch of robotic, smiling students and looks like it was cut together in the basement of the communications building. Which one makes you want to go to Tuscaloosa?

I’ve gone through the latest BCS standings and reviewed each school’s attempt to market itself. I’ve mixed past ads with present ads, because college commercials don’t seem to have aesthetic “periods.” I’ve also skipped schools like Kansas State, which have boring ads. (You could argue this is a perfect reflection of the Kansas State football team, which is seemingly boring but beats Oklahoma on the road.) Here are the best commercials from the Top 25 (click the team name to view the ad):

Here’s the funny thing about college football’s new playoff: It was designed by men who, until about five minutes ago, hated playoffs. It’s like Bart Giamatti writing the text for Pete Rose’s Hall of Fame plaque. Or Jonathan Vilma nominating Roger Goodell for the Nobel Peace Prize. But if, like me, you’re suspicious of playoffs, you can see a certain genius at work.

The first thing the playoff-hating playoff architects wanted to do was keep the thing small. So they devised a four-team format. “A four-team playoff doesn't go too far; it goes just the right amount,” Virginia Tech’s president explained, sounding like he was reading The Three Bears.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.

• An NCAA presidential oversight committee approved a four-team college football playoff that will take effect in 2014 and run at least through 2025. "I can't wait for the looks on everyone's faces when they realize the new system is just as corrupt and ineffective," said one president, who kept rubbing his hands together excitedly. "Especially the older fans, when it dawns on them that they'll probably be dead before anything changes."

Friends, we’ve gathered … Wait. This is the funeral for the BCS. It has no friends.

Enemies, we’ve gathered here today to say good-bye to the Bowl Championship Series. It died last week. It was 14 years old. In its short life, it was subject to repeated attacks by President Obama. Republican backbenchers turned it into a political football. Sportswriters prayed for its demise. (See the 2010 book titled, um, Death to the BCS.)

But I was a big fan. In death, it’s up to me to be its eulogist. Here are five things the non-playoff got right:

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.

• Despite some lingering soreness from cramps that kept him out at the end of Game 4, LeBron James expects to play in Thursday's Game 5. Unfortunately, this probably means he's out for the big swimming relay race at small-town Indiana's Lake Martin, where he planned to show up unannounced and help young Todd Mulberry win the race, and with it the heart of the prettiest girl in school, Wanda Tyler, who currently dates Blaine Sparks, the blond rich kid who always rides around in his fancy boat sneering at poor people and who has now won the big swimming relay race five years in a row with his asshole sidekick Luke Denvers.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.

• Roger Clemens was found not guilty on all six counts of lying to Congress and obstructing justice in his perjury trial. On the courthouse steps after the verdict, he vowed to spend the rest of his life searching for the real injectors. "Whoever they are," he said, "whether they're Andy Pettitte acting alone or Andy Pettitte in concert with others, I will bring these Andy Pettittes to justice, if it's the last Andy Pettitte I do."

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.

• Matt Cain threw the 22nd perfect game in major league history, striking out 14 in a 10-0 Giants win over the Astros. "He was just too good tonight," said Astros catcher Chris Snyder, who hits .188 and was waiting until he finished his stick of chewing gum before attempting to walk out of the locker room. "Hey, this might be a stupid question, but uh … when do you know that a piece of gum is actually finished? It seems to just be … staying there. Does it go away, or just — ooh boy, getting a little panicky here. Mind is racing. Emergency. Where's my crisis blanket? WHERE'S MY CRISIS BLANKET!" When Snyder tried to stand up, he immediately tripped due to coordination issues, and the gum slipped from his mouth. "Now that was a close call!" he said, grinning in relief from the floor. "You fooled 'em again, Snyder. You fooled 'em again. Hey, but seriously, where's my crisis blanket?"

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Thursday.

• On Day 1 of the NFL draft, Andrew Luck was taken first by the Colts and Robert Griffin III was taken second by the Redskins. The Jets opted for Quinton Coples with the 16th pick, a defensive end from North Carolina who Rex Ryan praised for his "impressive rib extension, muscled rump, and high potential protein value."
  

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.

• There will be a new champion in the NHL! The Washington Capitals pulled off a stunning 2-1 overtime victory to beat the Boston Bruins in the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs when Wild Joel Ward slammed home a rebound at 2:57 in the extra period. I know I've been tough on hockey in this space before, so I've decided to compose a little ode in honor of this great day:
  

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.

• There are no more winless teams in Division 1 college basketball. Binghamton University became the last team to win a game this season, beating Vermont 57-53 and moving to 1-26 on the year. Interestingly enough, the win immediately made Binghamton the nation's best team. They beat Vermont, who beat Old Dominion earlier this season, who in turn beat South Florida, who beat Pittsburgh twice, who beat Tennessee, who beat Florida, who beat Florida State, who beat Duke, who beat Michigan State, who beat Indiana, who beat no. 1 Kentucky earlier this season, proving beyond argument that Binghamton is better than Kentucky and therefore the top team in the country.
• Rodney McGruder scored 24 points as unranked Kansas State upset no. 3 Missouri on the road, 78-68. The win virtually guarantees a tournament spot to KSU, and insane Wildcat coach Frank Martin celebrated by angrily drinking a gallon of pig's blood in front of his players to teach them some kind of lesson.