In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
There will be a new champion in the NHL! The Washington Capitals pulled off a stunning 2-1 overtime victory to beat the Boston Bruins in the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs when Wild Joel Ward slammed home a rebound at 2:57 in the extra period. I know I've been tough on hockey in this space before, so I've decided to compose a little ode in honor of this great day:
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
Legendary Tennessee women's basketball coach Pat Summitt has stepped down after a long and brilliant career. "I'm just glad Pat and I can both call it quits after such a great and dignified lifetime in sports," said Arkansas football coach Bobby Petrino. "With eight national titles between us and the eternal love and respect of our peers." When he heard Petrino's statement, Saints coach Sean Payton said, "Hey, I'm with you guys."
Sources report that Texas catcher Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez will retire as a member of the Rangers on Monday. He'll attend the game with his wife, Elena "Fudge" Rodriguez, and his two sons, Manuel "Sludge" Rodriguez and Felipe "Fatty Cakes" Rodriguez.
Before the season began, Syracuse and UConn were deemed two of the finest teams in the land. Since then, fate has flung the two powerhouse programs in very different, but equally chaotic, directions.
Coming into Thursday’s meeting in the Big East tournament, Syracuse had experienced a charmed season — on the hardwood, at least — befitting a Rothschild heir. They were ranked second in the country, had lost only once in 32 games, and were assured of entering the NCAA tournament as a top seed. The Orange are one of the few teams that wouldn’t be considered delicious ewes against the cohort of lottery picks presently devouring livestock in Lexington.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Thursday.
Marshawn Lynch rushed for 148 yards and two touchdowns as the Seahawks beat the Eagles 31-14. Afterward, Philadelphia head coach Andy Reid was so ashamed that he shaved off his mustache and tried to disguise himself as a normal fat guy, but the plan failed when a group of Patriots fans heckled him for his foot fetish.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
Harrison Barnes scored 20 points as the no. 5 UNC Tar Heels bounced back from their loss against UNLV with a 60-57 win over no. 7 Wisconsin. I promised UNC coach Roy Williams that I'd let him write the joke if his team won, so here he is, folks, Roy Williams: "Em dadgern Badger fellers play 'at baskertballin ' so dang slow I 'uz fixin' to tie a randy mule to one dem sass-frass hitchin' posts and watch 'at sumbitch walk round 'til he got Gypsy tied and circle silly!" (Jesus, Roy, that's not even really a joke. Thanks for making me look like an idiot.)
