Everybody has their faults. Some people are kleptomaniacs. Some people walk onto uncrowded subways and stop directly in front of the doors. There are even some who use nail-polish remover during cross-country flights. And some people (hi there) cheer for the Patriots despite having no good reason to do so. My name is Chris Ryan. This is my confession.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Thursday.

• Giants defensive end Jason Pierre-Paul said that his team's pass-rushers are in Tom Brady's head. And at least one of them — the insanely creepy Justin Tuck — has also been in his underwear drawer.

• Bill Belichick's preparations for the Super Bowl now include taking a 31-minute break during practice to simulate the lengthy halftime intermission. He also tried to hire Janet Jackson so he could rip off her shirt in front of the team to teach them discipline in the face of distractions. She was too expensive, though, and he had to settle for an awkward cup check on kicker Stephen Gostkowski.

There is the victory you enjoy in private, at the end of a hard-fought day, with the family or close friends, feelings of ambient, total satisfaction in the chest and a cold beer in hand. And then there is the victory experienced in public: the gratuitous bat-flip and slow trot, the penalty for excessive celebration you’ll gladly take, kissing your badge to taunt the opposing fans. Generally, this second type of celebration is not permitted to NFL coaches; a fist-pump and a smile are about as swaggy as it gets. Which is why a good press conference can make for such great theater, the delicate and unlikely battlefield where these hypercompetitive leaders of hypercompetitive men might begin to work through some those accruing aggressions.

1. Bill Belichick, New England Patriots
Sunday night was many things, it was an opportunity for Mark Sanchez to pour lighter fluid and a lit Zippo on his reputation, it was a chance for Chad Ochocinco to get somewhat more involved in the New England game plan, and it was an opportunity for Rex Ryan to get more involved in fan relations. But ultimately, it was a chance for Bill Belichick to do what he does best; take a bunch of guys off the trash heap and have them looking like the '86 Giants. Andre Carter? Rob Ninkovich? Julian Edelman blowing up LaDainian Tomlinson? You know it was a good coaching job if Belichick himself was (allegedly), um, impressed with his performance.