In case you were busy facing the ramifications of stealing plants off a wall, here's what you missed in sports on Monday:
In a battle of the AL's top teams, Tigers starter Doug Fister spun a gem and Detroit got some late offense to top John Lackey and the Boston Red Sox 3-0 at Fenway Park. The Tigers now sit only half a game behind the Red Sox for the best record in the league, despite playing without the services of reigning AL MVP Miguel Cabrera for three straight games. "If he's so valuable then why are they winning without him?," asked ESPN Radio Detroit 1090 caller Ekim Salmon in a poorly wrought British accent, before adding, "now I don't want to go against the current here, but you'd have to be gone fishing to miss the greatness of that chap down in Anaheim." When asked if he was Mike Trout using a poorly wrought British accent, Salmon replied without an accent, "No no. No no. Definitely not. But I do have to go now."
Roger Federer fell in the fourth round of the U.S. Open for the first time in 10 years, losing to Spaniard Tommy Robredo 7-6 (3), 6-3, 6-4. "Time," whispered the ghost of Pete Sampras into Federer's ear after the match, "time. It comes for us all. And it is insatiable in its appetite for our talents and — wait a second. What do you mean "ghost"? I'm not dead." Sampras then flashed back through his entire career only to discover that he had died shortly after being struck in the head by a serve off the racket of Goran Ivanisevic in 1990, and had been dead through all of his major championships. I mean, if you look back on his career, it's pretty obvious; the unchanging boyish good looks, the use of the Wilson Pro Staff Original, which went unchanged since 1983, his wife, who was killed by a meat hook after her sister did something the previous summer. I mean, come on, we all should have seen this coming.
Could there be a more fitting final play in the 2012 NFL season than Tony Romo clinching defeat with a horrific interception? No, there could not. That super Romo-ish floating Christmas gift to the football fans of the beltway not only marked the end of the Cowboys' season, but the ends of both the BQBL season and 2012. Each year, December 31 provides us a moment to look back at what has passed and pay tribute to those who passed to the wrong team. So this year, at the end of this column, I'll be handing out the first set of BQBL Awards for lack of achievement at the quarterback position. But before we get to that, there’s plenty of carnage from Week 17 to address — namely, the work of Mr. Chad Steven Henne, who seemed eager on Sunday to secure the no. 2 overall pick for the Jags.
Three and Out
Jaguars (Chad Henne), 67 points: Chad Henne threw four touchdown passes against the Titans on Sunday: one to Justin Blackmon, one to Jordan Shipley and two to Zach Brown. The only problem is that Zach Brown is not on his football team. Details.
Being that Tuesday was Christmas and all, we decided to post this little scoring update a bit late so everyone could get their BQBL finals matchups in order for Week 17. In the event that you aren’t familiar with the playoff structure, please refer to this post from last year and adjust your leagues accordingly. Basically, it boils down to this:
1. Single-elimination tournament
2. The top four teams in the league are in. Everyone else is out.
3. Those four keep one team's QBs already on their roster, and every team not kept is available for the playoff draft.
4. The four teams draft in order of their seed (tiebreaker is total points scored) until each has a new four-team roster for the playoffs. It's a non-snake draft — same order each round.
5. Week 16: no. 1 seed vs. no. 4 seed, and no. 2 seed vs. no. 3 seed
6. Week 17: Winners face off in the championship game
Now, if are reading this post and saying to yourself, “That is great and all, but I would have loved that information LAST WEEK because I didn’t know that Week 16 was the first week of the playoffs," then I have a solution. Take the top four teams in your league and set up a four-team final heading into Week 17. I always thought that having more than two teams to go head-to-head in a football fantasy league would be fun anyway.
How did Chad Henne only score five BQBL points? How did Mark Sanchez only score four? Wait, Lauren Tannehill’s husband was in the red with -7 points? When I first saw the numbers for this week I thought that our scorer must have gone on a four-day “The only way to stop the sounds of my family is by drowning them with alcohol” binge, but when I saw who was on top of the leader board, it all made sense. Since Thanksgiving weekend has no mascot like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, I am nominating Ryan Lindley. His fear-driven failure on Sunday was a calming transition to life as usual after a weekend that was anything but in both your life and in the NFL. Let me explain.
Three and Out
Cardinals (Ryan Lindley), 80 points: Last week, Ken Whisenhunt introduced us to rookie quarterback Ryan Lindley, and we watched him make it through his first NFL game without throwing an interception. He didn’t look great, but he didn’t look Skeltony either. After getting a week’s worth of reps with the first team, his true test came Sunday against the Rams. Let’s have a look at the pass attempts during his first drive as a starting quarterback:
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
Matt Cain pitched 5.2 scoreless innings and the Giants won their record-tying sixth elimination game of the postseason, routing the Cardinals 9-0 to reach the World Series. The only hiccup came when rain began to fall late, and Tim Lincecum repeatedly wandered out to the field while the game was going on, holding out his hands and saying, "It's all so beautiful!" as he wept.
The way we define a benching is by asking the question, “If he had played well, would he still be on the field?” I bring this up because there were some borderline benching calls this week — a couple of those sympathy benchings, those-bruised ego benchings, those “If you throw another pick I am going to strangle you on national television so I am just going to put in T.J. Yates right now” benchings. The BQBL committee (read: some dude we’ve never met) has reached the conclusion that both Matt Schaub and Alex Smith were the recipients of this type of merciful benching this week. Even with those extra 35 points, their combined terriblocity couldn’t top what Philip Michael Rivers did last night. When Philip Rivers plays a division rival on Monday night, it doesn’t just go poorly, it goes straight Shakespearean tragedy.
Rodney McGruder scored 24 points as unranked Kansas State upset no. 3 Missouri on the road, 78-68. The win virtually guarantees a tournament spot to KSU, and insane Wildcat coach Frank Martin celebrated by angrily drinking a gallon of pig's blood in front of his players to teach them some kind of lesson.
Here's your Friday whip-around on the stories dominating the headlines and lingering in the margins of the NFL. No pads needed.
Despite head coach Bill Belichick opting not to play his starters in the New England Patriots' first preseason game, last week, Tom Brady and the rest of the first team looked to be in midseason form, last night against the Tampa Bay Bucs. The Pats won 31-14. A typically brassy Belichick said, "I thought we accomplished a few things." It's that kind of brazen collar popping that drives Rex Ryan up a tree. In his first preseason action, Brady overcame a clinically diagnosed case of being "antsy" to go 11-19 for 118 yards and two touchdowns.
When we had the chance to have a weekly column written by Denver Broncos quarterback Brady Quinn, we jumped at the opportunity. So please enjoy: "Just Quinn, Brady," the blog of Denver's Best (Looking) Quarterback.
Sorry, one second, I have just have to finish my last set of scrunches.
Okay, hey. I'm back, and in case you were wondering, yes, scrunches are a hybrid of sit-ups and crunches invented by my neighbor/trainer to work out my top two abs.
When we had the chance to have a weekly column written by Denver Broncos quarterback Brady Quinn, we jumped at the opportunity. So please enjoy: "Just Quinn, Brady," The blog of Denver's Best (Looking) Quarterback.
Hello Hello! Welcome to the first post on my first blog ever!
I am Brady Quinn (AKA B-Quiddy AKA The Bairy Queen AKA Battlestar Qualaxica) and I am extremely amped. This blog is pretty new for me, as I'm not exactly what you would call "tech savvy." I mean, I just found out about Facebook 12 minutes ago. Accidentally. While looking for videos of people getting hit in the face with phonebooks.
Lot of hub-bub around training camp on who will be the starting QB, so let me just make myself clear: I want to be a starter, and I deserve to be a starter. The numbers from last year don't lie: 4,017 passing feet, 8 touchdowns, no interceptions. And those are just the completions. Imagine when you factor in every pass I made some of those figures would be MUCH higher.