When you were growing up, did your parents ever make your whole family go around the Thanksgiving dinner table and say what you're thankful for? Mine did, every single year. And that's what we're doing with sports today. For two reasons.
First, because Thanksgiving is the greatest holiday of the year. It's the one day we all get to live like Rick Ross. Eat five times too much, sit back and rub your stomach proudly like a king, and then go take a long nap. Plus you get to have a vacation, leftovers, and four or five full days of outrageous laziness. In exchange, the only real responsibility is to take some unspecified amount of time to be grateful for what we have in life.
This stupid sports column can be that gratitude.
Second, and more importantly, we need this. I need this. Somewhere in the middle of Monday Night Football, sports just got too depressing. Derrick Rose going out for the year, watching RG3 go from the most exciting rookie we'd ever seen to the most depressing player in football, and then Bradley Beal — I'm still not ready to talk about how badly I jinxed Beal last week. But yes. There has been a lot of sports news lately that will bum you out. The most depressing sports news makes it twice as important to remember everything that makes sports awesome. And it's the season to rejoice and give thanks, so why not?
Here are 10 reasons all sports fans should be grateful this year.
Johnny Football is playing football this weekend in one of the biggest games of the season, so now feels like a good time to talk about this: Should we be rooting for Johnny Manziel? I've been torn. There are good arguments on both sides. But over the past few weeks I've stopped fighting it. Johnny Football is great.
He is the best, he is the worst, he is the best at being the worst.
Jalen Rose and Bill Simmons express their excitement about the opportunity to join Magic Johnson and Michael Wilbon on ESPN’s NBA Countdown, and praise the work of Charles Barkley and their other TNT counterparts.
I hate this popular activity because I always end up being dragged to these horrible establishments by ringers who pretend like they aren't good singers, but happen to be fantastic, and who then pretend like they've stumbled on a great song, when they've really been singing the song in question at karaoke parties for years, as well as at multiple high school talent shows and during that four-year a cappella stint.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
Since July 11 was the slowest sports night of the year, we hired renowned Dutch digital abstract artist E.V. Emmmph to change things up and make visual representations of each item. Please enjoy it — he was very expensive and very difficult to work with.
So much amazing is happening, and the Shootaround crew is here to help you keep track of it all. You'll find takes on moments you might've missed from the previous night, along with ones you will remember forever.
The NBA Playoffs: Where Inept Happens!
And where are your Chris Bosh jokes now, America? Just one night after the flaming car wreck of offensive ineptitude in Boston, we were presented with something truly ghastly. After a graceless first half, typified by their 24 percent shooting and a desperate turn to Dahntay Jones to spark their game, the Pacers bounced back in the third quarter of Tuesday night's 78-75 win over the Heat. Scoring 28 points — nearly matching their first-half total of 33 — Frank Vogel's crew of crazy kids got everyone involved by evenly spreading shots among their slew of rangy guards and forwards. The Heat? Not so much. The Big Two (RIP this) plus their band of merry scrubs mostly wilted in the harsh glow of a staggering 20-4 run. The Heat scored just 14 points in the third on three field goals. Yikes. Without Bosh rolling from the high post, the Heat's spacing was disastrous, compounding a torrent of errant jump shots. For stretches on Tuesday night, there was little to enjoy, just an endless loop of clanged iron — the two teams finished a combined 4-for-31 from 3-point land. And while LeBron and Wade combined for 52 of their team's 75 points, they were out of sync most of the second half. No other Heat player scored more than five points.