Week 12: +37,000 jermajesties
Season Total: +15,500 jermajesties
On to Week 13 …
(Obligatory weekly explanation: A “jermajesty” represents the fake name given for a dollar amount in this series. It’s also the unfortunate name of one of Jermaine Jackson’s sons.)
Raiders will score over 18.5 points vs. Cowboys
As a devout Cowboys fan, I am more than familiar with this team’s pattern: disappoint, stun, disappoint stunningly. We’re unfortunately up to the third leg of that equation. Mark my words: Dallas will struggle with the Raiders. This Cowboys defense has given up 38, 19, and 30 points in their last three Thanksgiving games. If you look, you’ll see each of those is more than 18.5 points. Matt McGloin’s best game (three TD passes) came on the road against a Texans defense that’s superior to the one he’ll be facing Thursday. I'm hoping for another Dan Bailey bailout. 20,000 jermajesties
Week 11: -30,500 jermajesties
Season Total: -21,500 jermajesties
On to Week 12 ...
(*Obligatory weekly explanation: A “jermajesty” represents the fake name given for a dollar amount in this series. It’s also the unfortunate name of one of Jermaine Jackson’s sons.)
Wes Welker (-130) more receptions than Danny Amendola
The smart money is on one or both of them being sidelined with a torn quad muscle after slipping on a quarter during the coin toss. But if they should for some reason get past the pregame ceremony, I expect the diminutive former Patriot to show up the man he was cast aside for. Welker averages more than six receptions a game. On the other hand, the oft-injured Amendola is tied for 94th in the league in receptions — just ahead of Chad Ochocinco and Kylie Jenner. The Broncos clearly made out on this deal and would love nothing more than to prove it Sunday night. 30,000 jermajesties
My sincerest apologies for Week 9. Let this be a lesson to everyone to never, ever underestimate Tampa Bay Bucs sixth-string running back Mike James again. James outran Chris Johnson by eight yards, costing me 70,000 jermajesties for my “most prolific rusher” play. (Would’ve paid 7/1.)
One more disgraceful week like that and I’m throwing my hat in the ring to run for mayor of Toronto.
Warning: This blog is being written by a grown adult male who has overdosed on Nerds and tropical Starbursts and is completely full of false bravado after sweeping the board with his Week 8 prop bets. Please proceed with caution.
-77,000 jermajesties last week
+58,000 jermajesties this season
Try not to look at that first number. It’s uglier than a spontaneous Lohan intervention. I took it on all three chins last week. 0-3 with my prop bet offerings. Not to mention the dog relieved himself on my beloved autographed Lane Kiffin bobblehead doll, so all in all last week was a bad experience. Oh ... and the Cowboys. Let’s put all this unpleasantness behind us and come out swinging in Week 6:
On any given Sunday (or Monday, or Thursday), your NFL Run & Shootaround crew will be gathered around multiple televisions, making inappropriate jokes and generally regressing to the mean. Catch up on all the NFL action right here.
Sunday Dead-of-Night Football
Robert Mays: Of all the things to get used to about the West Coast, watching sports comes last. The first time you roll out of bed at 9 a.m. on a Sunday and kickoff is only an hour away, it’s hard to not wonder why everyone doesn’t live here. But six months later, when playoff basketball tips at 4:30 on a Wednesday afternoon, that question is answered pretty quickly. I’m not sure if that part will ever feel right. It hasn’t yet.
When the news came out that the Raiders and Chargers would be kicking off at 11:30 ET last night, part of me was a little disappointed that I’d get to watch it three hours earlier. We love novelty in our sports watching. Think of how many times an extra-inning baseball broadcast has flashed the shot of the clock hitting midnight. There’s something about staying up past our bedtime that will never go away, no matter how old we get. Watching live football until 3 a.m. is almost like playing hooky for Opening Day. Knowing you shouldn’t be doing it is most of the fun.
+47,500 jermajesties last week
+133,000 jermajesties overall for the season
Hello, degenerates! As you can see, life is good again. Week 4 proved to be profitable. Now all there’s left to do this weekend is to put our heads together and amass a bundle of tax-free jermajesties.* Yes — that’s right — any amount won while our inept government is on strike is untouchable. Don’t believe me? Check the NFL Propositions of Independence. Here’s my plan to free ourselves from our bookie’s stranglehold in Week 5.