In case you were busy planning the ultimate prank (hint: you need Krazy Glue, a dozen Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, and three rubber snakes), here's what you missed in sports last weekend.
Despite a gruesome leg injury to reserve forward Kevin Ware, Louisville knocked off Duke, 85-63, to book a spot in the Final Four. "Man, that's the worst thing that I've ever seen on a basketball court," said Louisville coach Rick Pitino at his postgame press conference, "and I'm not talking about the refereeing. Zing. But seriously, I'm just gutted by what I saw today. Really soul-shaking stuff out there. And not just the refereeing — I'm sorry, I just can't stop zinging those guys. I know this isn't the time. Much as it wasn't the time for them to call a foul on every play right after Kevin hurt his leg. Damn it! Must. Stop. Zinging. Refs."
Brittney Griner and the Baylor Lady Bears were shocked by the Louisville Cardinals in the regional semifinals of the Women's NCAA Tournament, 82-81. "Can you dunk away the tears?" Griner asked her teammates after the game, before a horrifying wave of loneliness washed over her as she realized she was the only person in the room who could answer that question. Griner was later seen, alone in the deserted Chesapeake Energy Arena, yelling, "I feel nothing!" as she dunked ball after ball through the unguarded nets.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
Kevin Durant's 34 points and 14 boards led the Oklahoma City Thunder to a 107-99 win over the San Antonio Spurs and an NBA Finals berth. A despondent Tim Duncan began his postgame comments on a melancholic note. "I used to rule the world," he said. "Seas would rise when I gave the word. Now in the morning I sleep alone sweep the streets that I used to own." He continued in this vein for about two minutes as some reporters began to realize he was quoting a Coldplay song. The rest of them picked up on it when he sprang up for the chorus, ripped off his shirt, and pumped both fists as he sang, "I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing! Roman cavalry choirs are singing!"
Martin Brodeur made 21 saves as the New Jersey Devils beat the Kings 3-1 to avoid a sweep in the Stanley Cup finals. Kings coach Darryl Sutter kept a brave face, but when he finally got a moment alone, after the game, he broke down weeping and called his wife. "Those decorative brooms I made?" he said. "One for each player? So festive, so vibrant? Burn them. Maybe then I'll stop dreaming like a stupid little boy. A STUPID LITTLE BOY! A STUPID LITTLE BOY! A STUPID LITTLE BOY!"
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
The Clippers finished with a 28-3 run to stun the Grizzlies 99-98 in Memphis and take a 1-0 lead in the first round of the NBA playoffs. It didn't help matters that a fatigued Zach Randolph spent the final eight minutes in a laundry bin, rowing himself up and down the court with a broom he stole from the custodial closet.