In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
Dwyane Wade scored 25 points as the Heat took a 2-0 lead on the Knicks with a 104-94 win. After the game, sources report that Amar'e Stoudemire punched the glass casing surrounding a fire extinguisher, suffering lacerations that may keep him out for the rest of the playoffs. The incident reportedly began with the Knicks forward sitting in the locker room muttering crazily to himself: "What stops Heat? To know what stops heat, I must know what makes heat. Heat comes from flames. Flames come from fire. Fire must be extinguished. FIRE MUST BE EXTINGUISHED! AHHHHHHH *sound of shattering glass* AHHHH, MY HAND!" Following the incident, Knicks forward Steve Novak quietly picked up the fire extinguisher, whispered, "He was right — fire must be extinguished," and went off looking for Burnie, the Heat mascot.
Brandon Inge has been released from the Tigers, and Detroit imploded. My god, has there ever been an average player who inspired so much deranged passion? Inge’s jerseys rival Justin Verlander’s in ubiquity. I am not kidding you. And yet he is booed mercilessly at Comerica Park. The sports radio call-in shows are unable to talk about baseball at all without veering into a debate about whether Inge is ridiculous or a hardworking guy. In the wake of being cut, "Brandon Inge" trended nationwide on Twitter. There is a #GoodbyeInge hashtag that’s still flowing. The Detroit Free Press had no fewer than six features about Inge spotlighted on its homepage this morning. The Detroit News picks up the slack with four more. Tigers GM Dave Dombrowski said in the official announcement that “the letters I got about [Inge] were more conflicted than about any player I've ever been associated with.”
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
On Saturday, Philip Humber tossed baseball's 21st perfect game in a 4-0 White Sox win over the Mariners. After the game, the ghost of Ford Frick rose from the dead and placed an asterisk next to Humber's accomplishment, saying, "ooooo-ooo-ooo, the Mariners suck, ooo-oooo-oooo."
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
Bobby Valentine apologized to Kevin Youkilis a day after questioning his physical and emotional commitment to the team. Youkilis sat out with a groin injury as the Sox fell to James Shields (8 1/3 innings, 4 hits, 0 runs) and the Rays 1-0. Despite the apology, Valentine's original point about physical commitment seemed to hold true after the game, when Youkilis was spotted doing his famous "groin dance" for a group of female fans.
While watching the Tigers sweep the Red Sox this past weekend, a thought entered my brain — more than any other MLB team, the Tigers probably have the best odds of becoming a dynasty this decade. And that thought sickened me.
Normally, I try to sit back and enjoy baseball games, without letting any weird arbitrary preferences make me too happy or upset. Something about a potential Detroit Tigers dynasty bothers me, though, and, this being the Internet — where nothing is good enough and no one deserves to be happy — I couldn’t resist the urge to take a big pee on the Tigers’ parade.
Welcome to the inaugural edition of Grantland's weekly MLB Power Rankings. Every Monday we'll size up all 30 teams, evaluating each one based on a combination of recent play, overall team quality, and statistical spelunking.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
Bubba Watson shot a final round 68 and defeated Louis Oosthuizen on the second playoff hole with an excellent iron from the rough to win the Masters. He wept after he made the shot, which marks the first time in history that a "Bubba" has cried over something other than a raccoon getting into the fried chicken. He later chuckled about his tears, which was the first time a Bubba has laughed at something other than an old Hee Haw episode on Betamax.
Oosthuizen hit a double eagle on the second hole Sunday — only the fourth time that feat has been accomplished at the Masters, and the first on television — and the fan who ended up with the ball, Wayne Mitchell, returned it to Augusta National. Neither side would discuss the terms of the deal they made, but it was curious that when Mitchell left the course, he was wearing a green jacket, and a furious Arnold Palmer was chained to a radiator in Butler Cabin.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Thursday.
Detroit's Austin Jackson got the first walk-off hit of the season, an RBI single in the ninth as the Tigers beat the Red Sox 3-2. "Wait a second," slurred inactive Boston pitcher Josh Beckett, staggering out of the dugout to confront the umpire. "Thassa endofa game? Wha inning isst?" Luckily, he stumbled and fell before he could reach home plate, where he spent the next 20 minutes mumbling "you think you're better'n me?" to a piece of grass.
J.P Arencibia hit a three-run homer in the 16th inning as the Blue Jays beat the Indians 7-4 in the longest season opener in MLB history. The few thousand fans who stayed for the entire game — again, between the Blue Jays and Indians — remain quarantined inside Cleveland's Progressive Field this morning as experts check for signs of contagious insanity.
Which two sporting events would you say draw the most betting interest in your circle of family and friends? Gotta be the Super Bowl and March Madness, right? If you don't enter some kind of Super Bowl squares pool or at least bet five bucks on the game with a buddy, the Un-American Activities Committee will hunt you down. If you don't wager a couple bucks on the office bracket pool and you're caught, pretty sure you automatically get deported.
Victor Martinez out for the year with a knee injury? No problem when you have an owner who desperately wants to win a World Series and will spend whatever it takes to try and make it happen. The Tigers dropped $214 million on Prince Fielder, more than making up for Martinez's lost bat and reestablishing the Tigers as heavy favorites to win the division. But Jim Leyland's plan to shift Miguel Cabrera to third base could make for some ugly baseball along the way. It's hard to tell if the Tigers are prepping for 2013 with Martinez back at DH; if they're trying to prop up Martinez's trade value by pretending they don't have two other DHs in the lineup; or if they're just being delusional about a player nine years older and 30 pounds heavier (even after some major offseason weight loss) than he was when he broke into the majors. The Tigers could field the worst defensive infield baseball has seen in years … and still roll into October.
Here's a look at the numbers behind some of the biggest sports stories this past month. Send us suggestions for next month's edition by tweeting at @michaelkruse with the hashtag #GrantlandStats.
Amount of Prince Fielder’s nine-year contract with the Detroit Tigers: $214 million
The city of Detroit’s budget deficit: About $200 million
The amount taxpayers contributed to the price of the Tigers’ $300 million Comerica Park: $189 million
Few baseball executives boast a stronger resume than Dave Dombrowski. He played a central role in developing many of the players on the 1994 Montreal Expos, a loaded team with legitimate World Series aspirations before the strike wiped out the rest of that season. He became the first GM in the history of the Florida Marlins, assembling the team that won it all in 1997 and also the core of the 2003 World Champions. Three years after the Tigers posted one of the worst seasons in baseball history, a Dombrowski-led Detroit team stormed to their first AL pennant in 22 years. He's connected on the scouting side and well-versed on the statistical side, understands how much players are worth and how to budget for a winning ballclub. In short, Dave Dombrowski knows his stuff.
Which is exactly why Scott Boras wanted no part of him.
1. Dave Winfield
Bill Barnwell has respect for two kinds of people: those who work hard, and those who accept nothing but the best. I think Bill has fallen in love: "I think we need to honor Dave Winfield, he who would not go out and pick up Chinese food until the end of the Giants game and would not settle for any quality of Chinese food below P.F. Chang's. Congratulations, Dave Winfield, on keeping your standards high."
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
A source reported that the Detroit Tigers have agreed to a nine-year, $214 million deal with former Brewers slugger Prince Fielder. The hefty contract was a bitter pill to swallow for Tigers third baseman Brandon Inge, who is currently being paid in worthless foreclosed Detroit homes.
The Detroit Tigers agreed to terms with Prince Fielder on a nine-year, $214 million contract, upgrading the American League arms race to a full-on nuclear war.
The Tigers were known to be seeking a bat after Victor Martinez tore an ACL, knocking him out for the season. Still, talk had centered on bit parts like Johnny Damon replacing Martinez at DH. The Nationals were thought to be the leading contender for Fielder's services, with the Rangers saying earlier Tuesday they were likely out of the bidding. No one had pegged the Tigers as the most likely destination, least of all on a nine-year deal. Given that just last month Albert Pujols signed a monster deal with a team no one expected, we probably should have known better.
