Just look at these bros, says Rembert Browne! Specifically, look at their beards! Writes Rembert:
The Los Angeles Kings won the Stanley Cup this week. After they won, they took off those helmet things and showed the world two things: (1) pure elation, and (2) brownish, gingery beards.
As someone who can only grow a horizontal Afro mustache, looking at these men and their crazy beards is quite emasculating, which is appropriate because hockey players have long made me feel like a little boy. I hope they resist the urge to shave for their trip to the White House and completely emasculate President Obama, causing him to sprout Cornel West face.
Here is a video of the Official Team of L.A. Live the Only Team Still Currently Playing at L.A. Live, the Los Angeles Kings, beating the Phoenix Coyotes to advance to the Stanley Cup finals for the first time since 1993.
1. Chris Paul: !!!!!
Chris Paul! Unstoppable! Unforgettable! Probably some other "Un-s", too! Chris Ryan, whom you might remember as your regular Rankonia writer, nominates our hometown hero for this week's top spot:
"I've watched every minute of the Grizzlies-Clippers series. I've seen Tony Allen try to stop Chris Paul. I've seen Mike Conley, Jr. try to stop Chris Paul. I've seen Allen, Rudy Gay, and Marc Gasol try to stop Chris Paul together. I've seen O.J. Mayo try to stop Chris Paul for 90 feet and I've seen Quincy Pondexter try to stop him at the last second. It just doesn't matter. I don't think I ever really knew what it meant for an athlete to be unstoppable until I saw Chris Paul play basketball in the fourth quarter and overtime. Now that I do, I certainly won't forget it."