1. Brandon Marshall, Will Now Winter in Chicago
Bill Simmons chimes on in on the Bears' big trade acquisition: "When you're an All-Pro WR on a team that's trying to do everything it can to sign Peyton Manning, only you get dumped for two third-round picks right in the middle of the courting process … I mean, that can't be a good sign."
2. Jarrad Page, Bo Knows!
Bill Barnwell dusts off his no. 16 Royals jersey: "It is my duty to nominate former Chiefs and Patriots safety Jarrad Page, who appears to have finished a somewhat bizarre six-year NFL career by signing a minor-league contract with the Los Angeles Dodgers to play baseball. Page, who apparently impressed the Dodgers in an open tryout, was selected three different times in the MLB draft before moving on to football. Page spent two years playing baseball alongside football at UCLA, and, well, his performance record isn't sterling. In 221 at-bats over two years, Page put up a .195/.270/.285 line while striking out 94 times. Because we grew up in the early nineties, though, we are nostalgic for baseball/football crossover players and want them to return. So yay Jarrad Page!"
3. Evan Turner, Scottie Pippen, Basically
In four games as a starter, the former no. 2 overall pick is averaging 17 points, 12 rebounds, and 3.5 assists. He spent the first year and a half of his career doing some interesting things, some silly things, or nothing really at all. But ever since he replaced Jodie Meeks in the Sixers' starting lineup, he's been a powerhouse. Forget Linsanity (you probably already have) (what up, Knicks), this is EVANDEMONIUM.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
The BYU Cougars staged a furious comeback — the largest in NCAA tournament history — to erase a 25-point deficit and beat the Iona Gaels 78-72. "What a great night for Mormons!" said head coach Dave Rose. Meanwhile, Mitt Romney stood alone in the glow of a TV screen at his campaign headquarters, sipping a V8 and just grinning the biggest, saddest grin you've ever seen.
Wow. I have no facts to add to this very short story, which notes that Syracuse center Fab Melo has been declared ineligible because of an "eligibility issue." (That would be why you're ineligible, right?)
You ever notice how when an institution gets toppled, it's usually in bits and pieces? Very rarely do you see something dramatic, like what happened at Penn State. Instead, it goes slowly, like with 'Cuse. First there were the Bernie Fine accusations, but then it looked like coach Jim Boeheim had weathered that storm. Then came the Yahoo! Sports piece about the drug tests, and now Melo is gone for the NCAA tournament, essentially ending Syracuse's national title hopes.
Before the season began, Syracuse and UConn were deemed two of the finest teams in the land. Since then, fate has flung the two powerhouse programs in very different, but equally chaotic, directions.
Coming into Thursday’s meeting in the Big East tournament, Syracuse had experienced a charmed season — on the hardwood, at least — befitting a Rothschild heir. They were ranked second in the country, had lost only once in 32 games, and were assured of entering the NCAA tournament as a top seed. The Orange are one of the few teams that wouldn’t be considered delicious ewes against the cohort of lottery picks presently devouring livestock in Lexington.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.
Kevin Durant told reporters he wasn't impressed with Blake Griffin's dunk over Kendrick Perkins. "I have no appreciation for it at all," he said, even going so far as to imply that it was a layup. When Griffin heard the quote, he retired to his study, opened a hidden drawer in his davenport, and retrieved an emerald-studded dueling pistol wrapped in a pristine white glove. "There you are, Guinevere," he said, caressing the weapon. "I hope you haven't forgotten our little dance."
Durant's teammate, Russell Westbrook, scored 33 points to lead the Thunder over the Mavericks 95-86. After the game, Dirk Nowitzki cornered Westbrook in the dark parking lot. "Tell your friend he can expect a social call from Lady Guinevere," he whispered, before running off into the night. "Who's Guinevere?" Westbrook shouted to the departing figure. "And why are you wearing a cape?"
