Jalen Rose and David Jacoby talk the 2012 NBA season, and why 50 Cent and Floyd Mayweather Jr. should stop their Twitter beef for the sake of boxing's future.

Then, in a bonus video, Jalen and Jacoby break down the 50 Cent and Floyd Mayweather beef and assess if it was really a hoax, as 50 Cent recently suggested.

To the sport I’ve been watching and writing about the last three Saturday nights, I ask this question: Who are you, and what have you done with boxing?

You superficially resemble boxing, with the four-sided rings and the dudes wearing gloves all punching each other and spitting into buckets and whatnot. But where are the two steps back for every step forward? Where is the sound of gunshots as you shoot yourself in the feet taking those backward and forward steps? Where are the horrid scorecards that beget conspiracy theories, the body slams resulting in no-contests, the impassioned press conference trash talk that precedes 12 rounds of passionless mauling?

“Are you ready to lose your 401KKKK??!!” I may hire Hank Williams Jr. to work on that one a little.

We can all breathe a little easier. Football is back. And I figured it went so well last year (just play along) I would again offer up my keen insights as to which weekly NFL gambling propositions are worthy of taking a chance on.

And because I’m in such a good mood after the Cowboys big but sloppy win against the loathsome Giants, this season I’m offering you unlimited *jermajesties!! What the hell do I care? It’s all pretend anyway.

Let’s begin …

You love basketball. It’s your favorite sport. So you turn on your television next week to check out some Olympic hoops, eager to watch LeBron, Kobe, and 10 of their really tall, athletic friends do awe-inspiring tall-athletic-guy things. But from the opening tip, you discover this isn’t the game you love. And it’s not just that the lane is shaped like an elongated Chunky bar or that a pivot counts as a step. You notice that there’s no dunking allowed. There’s also no 3-point line. And every so often, a shot will clank off the iron and the refs will arbitrarily deem it a successful basket.

I love all things boxing. I spend some 300 hours a year watching the sport, everything from the most expensive and glamorous of pay-per-views to the cheapest and grimiest of midnight Telefutura scraps. But over the next two weeks, I have no intention of watching any Olympic boxing. I will not watch because this version of the sport is no more boxing than the game described above is basketball.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Wednesday.

• Matt Cain threw the 22nd perfect game in major league history, striking out 14 in a 10-0 Giants win over the Astros. "He was just too good tonight," said Astros catcher Chris Snyder, who hits .188 and was waiting until he finished his stick of chewing gum before attempting to walk out of the locker room. "Hey, this might be a stupid question, but uh … when do you know that a piece of gum is actually finished? It seems to just be … staying there. Does it go away, or just — ooh boy, getting a little panicky here. Mind is racing. Emergency. Where's my crisis blanket? WHERE'S MY CRISIS BLANKET!" When Snyder tried to stand up, he immediately tripped due to coordination issues, and the gum slipped from his mouth. "Now that was a close call!" he said, grinning in relief from the floor. "You fooled 'em again, Snyder. You fooled 'em again. Hey, but seriously, where's my crisis blanket?"

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.

• The man who collected Ryan Braun's urine sample last fall said he followed the same protocol he had with hundreds of previous samples. "Okay, I'll admit it," he said, grinning, "I took a little sip. But come on, man, it's Ryan friggin' Braun! The MVP! You'd have done the same thing."
• Along with a broken nose, Kobe Bryant sustained a concussion when Dwyane Wade elbowed him at the All-Star game. Wade sent his apologies, saying, "I never wanted that kind of outcome." He then took out a crumpled piece of paper labeled "The Kobe Project," crossed 'head' from the top of the list, and stared longingly at the next item, "left kidney."

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.

• Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski said he's taking things day by day after suffering a high ankle sprain, and is no longer wearing his walking boot. "Now I'm wearing a fun-time groovy sock-hop boot," he said, reading from a script typed out on Bill Belichick's personal stationery. "Just for kicks, Daddy-O. Dig it: I'm a … I'm a hubcap? … No, it's … hep cat. I'm a hep cat."

• Peyton Manning told ESPN that he "feels good" and expects to play next season. In the same interview, he also asked Andrew Luck to stop mailing him copies of Shakespeare's King Lear and stacks of Metamucil coupons.

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Thursday

• Flu-like symptoms didn't stop LeBron James from scoring 31 points and leading the Heat to a 98-87 win over the Lakers. "It was just like Jordan in Game 5 of the '97 Finals!" yelled a sweaty, 6'8" reporter wearing a fake mustache and beard, as everyone in the press area waited for LeBron to come out.

• Roger Federer and Rafa Nadal both advanced to the round of 16 in straight sets at the Australian Open, where they're on a collision course to meet in the semifinals. The last time they met in Australia, Rafa made Roger cry by beating him in the finals. This time, Roger vowed to stew moodily in the background, flick wisps of hair off his forehead, and daydream about fire-bombing the whole island of Mallorca.