The NCAA tournament is finally here! Who’s ready to lose money gambling, find out that the person in your office who knows the least about sports still knows more than you do, and complain that your school’s coach can’t “win the big one” after your team loses a heartbreaker? Well, ready or not, the most unpredictable sporting event in the world is about to begin!
But even though March Madness by its nature defies prediction, I’m here to offer five things that are certain to happen during the first day of action.
After dispatching Everton 2-0 over the weekend, Manchester United may now have the Premier League title safely in hand. But as for the rest, nothing is decided. The table is all wheels within wheels, battles within battles.
The Premier League isn't the only destination for must-watch soccer these days. This week, the Champions League returns to the headlines as football's newest Lord and Savior, Gus Johnson, calls his first game for Fox Soccer. Johnson joins this week's Men in Blazers pod and reveals that his Mr. Miyagi is none other than the great master Martin Tyler. Johnson also revels in the glory days of the Detriot Express, Mourinho's swagger, and his own tendency to speak in tongues. Rise and Pie, America. Rise and Pie. The game will never be the same again.
In case you were out just driving, man, just hitting the open road, here's what you missed in sports Tuesday.
The Houston Rockets tied the NBA record for 3-pointers but were denied the record outright after a flurry of ejections marred the end of their 140-109 win over the Golden State Warriors. Houston point guard Jeremy Lin, who led the way for the Rockets with 28 points and nine assists, said after the game, "It was total Linsanity out there, huh?" before pausing dramatically for effect. "I mean, I've seen some things in my day, but that was totally Linsane." Lin then paused again, before admitting, "Guys, I have a lot of T-shirts to move, so if you could remind people of Linsanity, that would be really great. My cousin is all like, 'Get these boxes out of my garage,' and I'm like, 'Whatever, Tom. You said I could leave them in there as long as I needed,' and he's all like, 'Yeah, but I thought they'd be gone in a week,' and I was all like, 'Yeah, me, too.'"
I didn't even know where it came from. Was there an official announcement? Did someone break the news? It turned out it was Richard Deitsch. But all I knew at the time was that one minute Twitter was bubbling along peacefully and the next it had turned fluorescent purple and started belching out smoke and then helicopters were circling and a CNN anchor was talking about "spent fuel rods" and underground pools and evacuation orders. And the thing that did this to Twitter was the news that noted March Madness–intensifier and screamer of screams Gus Johnson was being groomed to be Fox Sports's leading commentator during the 2018 World Cup.
Soccer fans were elated. Soccer fans were enraged. Soccer fans had opinions and they were airing those opinions in all caps.