In case you were busy trying to pass off a quiche as an acceptable offering at a Pi Day party, here's what you missed in sports on Thursday.

• Damian Lillard and the Portland Trail Blazers handed the New York Knicks their third straight defeat, winning at home, 105-90. Lillard, the leading candidate for Rookie of the Year, has already established himself as a fan favorite in Portland, where he's respected both for his efficient offensive play and his ability to remind people how much they liked Matthew Lillard in SLC Punk.
• San Antonio completed a season-series sweep of their instate rivals, beating the Dallas Mavericks, 92-91, at home after Vince Carter's game-winning shot attempt rimmed out. After the game, Carter was seen slapping himself across the face; when asked why, Carter responded, "Must. Wake. From. Nightmare.”

In case you were out dressed up as Grimace to serve as a decoy for a hamburger-related heist, here's what you missed in sports on Thursday.

• The Denver Nuggets stayed hot, winning their 12th straight at home, 107-92, over the Los Angeles Clippers. Denver pulled away late, despite the mind games of Blake Griffin. Nuggets forward Andre Iguodala said after the game, "Blake kept calling me the Iguanodon, which I get, but he also kept calling [Nuggets center] Kosta Koufos the Koufosaurus. I don't even think that's a real dinosaur." When asked what he was up to, Griffin responded, "I just think dinosaurs are cool," before jutting out his mouthguard and winking.
• The Pittsburgh Penguins stormed back from a three-goal deficit to beat the Flyers in Philadelphia, 5-4. I'm sorry, I mean the city formerly known as Philadelphia, which is now officially Philahellphia, as the local government has been seized by enraged Flyers fans. Martial law currently reigns in the city, with sober rationality the only official crime on the books. Fortunately, this has caused nothing to change for the citizens of Philahellphia in the aftermath of this rare American coup d'etat.

Real Madrid hired Jose Mourinho to do two things: Knock FC Barcelona off their perch and deliver the club’s 10th Champions League title. With this weekend’s 2-1 victory over Barcelona, Mourinho took a significant step toward delivering the first part of his mandate, as Madrid now have a seven-point lead in La Liga with four games remaining. For his next trick, Mourinho needs to overturn a 2-1 deficit to Bayern Munich in the second leg of their Champions League semifinals tie Wednesday. If he can do this and make Real Madrid champions of Europe, he will snatch two crowns from Barcelona in one season.