In case you were busy writing a sports recap column in which you carefully embedded subtle Game of Thrones spoilers, here's what you missed in sports this weekend:
It wasn't easy, but the top-seeded Louisville Cardinals will be playing for the NCAA Championship after beating the Wichita State Shockers, 72-68. "This is my favorite time of the year; Cinderella is dead," Louisville coach Rick Pitino declared as he smashed a glass slipper at his postgame press conference. When asked what he does with the glass slipper when his team fails to defeat an underdog, Pitino replied, "What do you mean? These are my slippers. It's not like I get these specially made for this occasion. That would be weird."
The Michigan Wolverines stormed out early and held on late, topping Syracuse, 61-56, to book a spot in the NCAA Championship game. "It's devastating," said Syracuse coach Jim Boeheim after the game. "Is there a 2-3 defense for the heart? Is there a rotating big man who can stop the tears?" When asked if perhaps he should develop an offensive plan to attack his emotions, Boeheim responded, "Why would you do something like that?"
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
Facing a hostile road crowd, AJ McCarron led no. 1 Alabama on a game-winning drive, completing the winning touchdown pass with 51 seconds remaining as the Tide beat no. 5 LSU 21-17. McCarron said he was motivated by school pride, the desire to win a national championship, and the pulsing pain emanating from the remote-activated chip implanted in his skull by Nick Saban.
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
Tiger Woods birdied three of the last four holes, including a spectacular chip-in on the 16th, to win the Memorial and tie Jack Nicklaus for second all-time in total PGA wins. Nicklaus, who hosts the event, called the chip-in on 16th "the most unbelievable, gutsy shot I've ever seen." When the celebration died down, Nicklaus continued: "For the record, I have my memory wiped clean every morning by a special device to help ease the crushing fear of death. So, uh, take it with a grain of … what am I thinking? Is it rice? A grain of rice? That doesn't sound right."
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
John Elway and the Denver Broncos officially introduced Peyton Manning in a press conference after signing the free agent to a deal that could be worth as much as $96 million over five years. "I'm happy to join the Mile High club under a legend like John Elway," said Manning, in a really unfortunate opening statement followed by an even more unfortunate joke: "Even if it does get a little hard to breathe!"
