In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Tuesday.
With a silver medal in the 200-meter butterfly and a gold in the 4x200 freestyle relay, Michael Phelps now owns 19 Olympic medals, surpassing Soviet gymnast Larissa Latynina for the most medals of all time. When reached for comment via telephone, the 77-year-old Latynina couldn't be heard over my loud shouts of, "COLD WAR OVER! U-S-A! U-S-A!"
American swimmer Allison Schmitt won her third medal in London, and her first-ever gold, with a dominant, Olympic record performance in the 200-meter freestyle. She then enjoyed an awkward hot tub bath with a naked Kathy Bates. Hold on … am I thinking of Allison Schmitt, or the movie About Schmidt? It's definitely one or the other …
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday.
Tim Tebow was introduced to the New York media on Monday and told them that there is no quarterback controversy between Mark Sanchez and him. "Just like there's no Jesus controversy between Jesus and Mark Sanchez," he said, winking. "But seriously, I do forgive him."
In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports over the weekend.
The Final Four is set. Louisville mounted a late comeback against Florida, Kansas pounded North Carolina in the closing minutes, Kentucky creamed Baylor, and Ohio State outlasted Syracuse. In related news, Rick Pitino's romantic life regularly involves three of those verbs, in sequence, but literally never the fourth.
Tiger Woods earned his first PGA Tour victory since the infamous 2009 sex scandal with a 2-under 70 on the final day of the Arnold Palmer Invitational. "Two under 70? That's pretty tame by my standards!" Woods joked, before adding, "Still too soon?" And then Rick Pitino burst through the door and shouted, "There's no such thing as too soon!" before adding, "Inappropriate?"
