After years of groveling and complaining, I've finally weaseled my first awards ballot from the NBA. That's right, I finally get to pick the Kia Most Improved Player Award. It's really a dream come true. There was so much pressure that I decided to call my buddy and consigliere, Joe House, to get his advice on the MVP, Rookie of the Year, the All-NBA teams and everything else on the ballot. We ended up getting into a bunch of arguments and I nearly hung up on House three times. We squeezed in a little Caps-Bruins and decided not to talk again until a full week after the series ended, and also went over the results of our NBA "Closest to the Pin" over/under game from before the season. Let's just say it's coming down to the wire.
From one of the many Orlando-area Hiltons, Bill Simmons and Joe House sit down for a two-part podcast before this weekend's NBA All-Star Game. In Part 1 of Thursday's pod, Simmons and House review the season and talk with Timberwolves forward Kevin Love. You can find Part 1 on the ESPN.com Podcenter or on iTunes.
You could say cheering for the Washington Wizards requires a sense of humor this season. If this is true, it means Grantland contributor, semiregular B.S. Report guest, and longtime/long-suffering Wizards fan Joe House is basically the basketball fan version of the second season of Chappelle's Show.
Live from the Bud Light Hotel in Indy, it's more of the BS Report!
What, two hours of podcast content on Thursday was more than enough for you? How dare you? What about two more parts and two more hours of babbling? In Part 1, Patriots president Jonathan Kraft talked about Sunday's game, how to run an NFL organization, why the 18-game schedule isn't a bad idea, his mother's lasting legacy and how the Patriots might have handled that Peyton Manning-Indy situation if it had happened with Tom Brady. (Listen to Part 1 on the ESPN.com Podcenter or on iTunes.)
In Part 2, Kevin Wildes and Joe House went on a half-baked idea frenzy. You'll never think about Leap Year the same way again. (Listen to Part 2 on the ESPN.com Podcenter or on iTunes.)
You know what's good luck for a Patriots Super Bowl win? Flying to the host city a few days early, bringing my buddy House, and taping multiple podcasts from the Bud Light Hotel. I know it sounds like a weird superstition, but I've been doing it since 2001, even before podcasts were invented.
Today's two-parter kicked off with the NFL Network's Mike Lombardi talking about Sunday's game, Peyton Manning's next stop and who is the worst possible Redskins QB to revile House. Then reality czar David Jacoby reviewed The Challenge and the Souper Bowl.
Starting January 16, the Almost-Bullets played five games in eight nights, beating one of the top three teams in the league, hanging in until the end against a top-five team, and really, genuinely competing in two of the other three. Upon further review, this might not be the very worst team in the history of the NBA — just one that belongs somewhere in the top 20.
By Joe House at
Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images
This is the first installment of a fairly regular check-in with the worst team in the National Basketball Association, and possibly life. The author may or may not be receiving compensation in the form of food.
Vol. 1: Five Things the Washington Professional Basketball Team Can Do to Build on This
Oh sweet relief. After two full days of deserved wicked pixels from local and national outlets for Sunday's lifeless no-try against the T-Wolves, the Washington Professional Basketball Team avoided at least one historical stink-stain (pop the cork, New Jersey/Brooklyn, 0-18 is safe!) by conquering the Toronto Raptors on Tuesday night. This was Toronto's fourth game in five nights, you say? KEEP THE WICKED PIXELS TO YOURSELF!
By Bill Simmons at
Andrew D. Bernstein/NBAE via Getty Images
I know we're not supposed to bitch about the NBA lockout anymore, but one thing still gnaws at me: The shortened 66-game season and a three-week whirlwind of transactions caused the Las Vegas books to say, "Screw it, we're not posting over/under wins totals this year." How dare they! I repeat … HOW DARE THEY! How could they forget that, right before every season, my buddy Joe House and I pick every NBA over/under on the BS Report? Now what? What about us?
We audibled by flying House to Los Angeles, dragging him into the BS Report studio and forcing him to play "Closest to the Pin" with me in a special two-part podcast. Fine, dragging and forcing weren't involved — he couldn't have been more delighted to join us, especially after we pumped three pounds of Chinese food into his body right before the taping. What's "Closest to the Pin?" We predicted the exact win totals of every NBA team. Did it take two hours spread over two parts? Of course it did! Is there video? Actually, yes!
Here's a holiday gift, from us to you: A podcast preview of Joe House and Grantland boss Bill Simmons discussing the Western Conference. Look for more B.S. Report podcasts with House later in the week. Enjoy!
First off, anybody who clicked this blog post is a sick soul who likes to revel in the pain of others. The bad news is, that makes you an emotionally stunted human. The good news is, you're among friends.
One of our main gambits here at Grantland is to chronicle the misfortune of others, and I like to think we approach the task with just the right amount of glee. How else can you explain the dual act of convening a panel to vote on the city facing the toughest time in sports, and then mocking them? We're the bad guys in this movie, and there's no uplifting ending. In fact, the ending is the saddest part of all — the most depressed city. It's a little like Forrest Gump, if Gump had accidentally fallen into a manhole in the first 20 minutes and the rest of the movie was about Lieutenant Dan getting progressively angrier in a traffic jam.
And now it's November, which is a sad month in its own right, what with all those turkeys being hunted. So as you might guess, we're in pretty high spirits.
There is too much attention and praise showered on the modern elite quarterback. The Tom Bradys, Peyton Mannings and Aaron Rodgers of the league are celebrated as genius demigods, just because they can make split-second decisions and deliver precise passes while being chased by gigantic men who spent an entire week figuring out ways to injure them. Blah fucking blah. The more compelling narrative is that of the modern failure. Because when things go wrong for an NFL quarterback, they go spectacularly wrong. And there will be no shortage of that this season. On-field arguments. Botched handoffs. Locker room backstabbing. Seeing that unfold is way more fun than watching Brady sling the ball around for a bit, droneishly drop clichés at the press conference, then go home to the hottest woman on the planet.
This year, we're going to make it even more interesting, using an old trick: adding a draft, a scoring system, and gambling.
