In case you were out living a life of leisure, here's what you missed in sports on Monday
- The dream semifinal is set in Australia, as both Roger Federer and Rafa Nadal won their quarterfinal matches. Nadal holds a 7-2 lead in Grand Slam matches, but Federer has promised that he's going to break out his sickest cream-colored outfit yet to just priss the hell out of Nadal. "I'm gonna priss him 'til he blushes," Federer vowed. "Just delicately flip my hair, prance around like a schoolboy, and get my priss on something severe. Ya heard?"
- A source indicated that the Big East will add Navy to the football lineup in 2015. The move was reportedly made to give the conference the option to be buried at sea when it dies from sucking.