Here's a word that should exist — complainolidays. These are days when people get together and complain about things they actually love. The day we travel for Thanksgiving is a complainoliday. The credits of Girls launches a complainholiday. Saturday, February 16, the day of the NBA's Slam Dunk Contest, is a complainoliday.
The following list of historical complaints is best read in the voice of the Micro Machines man: these stars aren't big enough, the prize money is not a real incentive, there is a finite amount of dunks humans can do and they've pretty much all been done, Vince Carter did it better, Spud Webb did it better, a guy on YouTube did it better, these dunks feel too gimmicky, this format is flawed, the scoring is flawed, the judges don't take it seriously, the fan vote doesn't match my vote, the amount of staging necessary for that final-round dunk sure made it seem like that participant was assured a safe passage into the final round.
I’m so fired up for the Olympics that if you cut me I’d bleed red, white, and blue. My arm would look like a melted Bomb Pop. Wait a second, there’s a little green in there too. Yeah ... sorry. That’s a streak of envy I’ve got now that I’ve realized I’m going to be buried with nary a gold medal to my name.
It's February 29, everyone! Bonus holiday! Let's all have a party or something. Here's a clip of Joe House, Kevin Wildes and Bill Simmons discussing Leap Year in a half-baked ideas session.
Live from the Bud Light Hotel in Indy, it's more of the BS Report!
What, two hours of podcast content on Thursday was more than enough for you? How dare you? What about two more parts and two more hours of babbling? In Part 1, Patriots president Jonathan Kraft talked about Sunday's game, how to run an NFL organization, why the 18-game schedule isn't a bad idea, his mother's lasting legacy and how the Patriots might have handled that Peyton Manning-Indy situation if it had happened with Tom Brady. (Listen to Part 1 on the ESPN.com Podcenter or on iTunes.)
In Part 2, Kevin Wildes and Joe House went on a half-baked idea frenzy. You'll never think about Leap Year the same way again. (Listen to Part 2 on the ESPN.com Podcenter or on iTunes.)
According to the ESPN.com archives, my friend Kevin Wildes appeared on the BS Report nine times over the years to pass along his signature "half-baked ideas." For whatever reason, a year has passed since his last appearance. Inexcusable. We rectified that Wednesday by dragging Wildes to the BS Report studio and unleashing him on a half-baked frenzy. Just remember, these aren't good ideas … they're half of a good idea. It's an important distinction.
Life is filled with nuance and compromise. Luckily, Kevin Wildes has sorted through it all for our feature, Winners and Losers.
The Winners
Lindsey Vonn's ex-husband-to-be Thomas Vonn
Lindsey Vonn says she's "friends" with Denver quarterback Tim Tebow, and I'm a jerk for putting quotations around that word. I should just accept her explanation. She says she met Tebow at the ESPYs and they are friends, and friends do things like go to each other's football games. Friends like Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo. (Internal monologue: No! Stop it, Wildes. She's an honest skier who loves the USA. She loves it more than you do. I bet that's why you don't trust her. You're jealous of her patriotism and aerodynamic USA unitards.)
